Ep. 17 - How to Lose a Zombie in 10 Days by Ami Wright

So, maybe the break between the episodes was a little long....we can't help it! Chloe brough a plague home from Australia (which JC never got)

Today, we have a British zombie romance for the ages. We discuss monster racism, keeping your man's peen safely at home, and JC's adult Giving Tree obsession.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

I'm sorry, what?

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Welcome to Piper Guy.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

It's Quinn Witcher. Hello! It's just Kuae.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

And just as JC.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

That was disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

Oh, the what?

SPEAKER_00 0:24

The warble the warble on that? Why are you? JC Gross.

SPEAKER_03 0:30

Mine was just yours was fine.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Princess, everything I do is fine.

SPEAKER_03 0:35

Shut up.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

I've started doing the princess voice at work.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

Have you really?

SPEAKER_00 0:38

When I get angry.

SPEAKER_03 0:39

That's funny. Why?

SPEAKER_00 0:40

It's a lot easier to be like, Princess, this is a little inept of you to not really be on top of this than to be like, are you a fucking idiot?

SPEAKER_03 0:46

Oh sure.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Princess, have you tried weeding the messages I send you?

SPEAKER_03 0:51

I feel like every time I do it, I I'm like, I keep coming up with like what what if like a different type of guy spoke like this? And so like that those have been the bits I keep doing around the house. Where it's been like, what if you know, what what if like um now I've never done a bit before ever in my life and I can't think of one, so that's embarrassing. But you know, I keep thinking of like what if like uh what if like a a guy, like a Reddit guy spoke like this.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Would you like to give us the bit?

SPEAKER_03 1:20

No. Okay. No. Yeah, of course. Um yeah, you know, just like uh just like someone who's um or like someone who like cares a lot about Star Wars who went says, Day widow we butcher Job of the Hutt character in the Phantom Menace.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Have you seen uh what just came out for Star Wars?

SPEAKER_03 1:40

The Mandalorian and Grogu.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Have you seen any images from that? Apparently they took Job of the Hutt and they made him kind of fuckable.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

They didn't take Job of the Hutt. That's part of the Hutt family. That's Rada the Hutt.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

You are a loser. Actually, that's freaking Wada the Hut. Why aren't you aware of that? It's not Job of the Hunt.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

I'm not even really freaking aware of that. He's from the cartoon uh a Quan Wars series where they call him Will Stinky. That's true.

SPEAKER_05 2:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

That sounded like a joke, but I I I am rapidly becoming this character in a way I'm a little uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

In this character, I always like when you're like, oh they're nerds, they know too much about like Star Wars and Star Trek. Anyway, so in the 30th minute of the fourth movie, you can actually see in the background.

SPEAKER_03 2:29

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. The point isn't that they know about it. The point I make is they care about it.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Don't just correct me on one job of the hut.

SPEAKER_03 2:42

Yeah, well, you were you were you you were freaking Wong, princess. It's not that I can! Actually incorrect!

SPEAKER_00 2:50

It's not that I can. I just don't want you to embarrass me about oh dear freaking Star Wars characters.

SPEAKER_03 2:55

Yeah, stop embarrassing me in front of all these white people.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Do you ever see a hut family member that's a girl?

SPEAKER_03 3:02

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

Does she have fat titties?

SPEAKER_03 3:04

I don't know. You Well now I have to pretend I don't know about what what do you it's the trying to stop as easily? I thought it was like their race or whatever. It's their family. This is a point of confusion. I don't know. Is it their race or is it their family? Because they because they it's he's called Jabba the Hut. Is that like his family name? Their but their language is Hutese.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

Is it? Okay, I didn't even I didn't even know that they had a special language.

SPEAKER_03 3:38

They don't speak he he never speaks English in the series.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Girl.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

He's always he's always he like licks Princess Leia and she's in a she's in a sexy metal bikini.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

I know you remember that.

SPEAKER_03 3:47

Uh shut up. Uh and then he's like, Woosa Majida Goa Kalacha.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

Oh, he's Jamaican?

SPEAKER_03 3:56

No. No, no, no. He's decidedly not Jamaican.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Who is Jamaican?

SPEAKER_03 4:00

Uh it's Jar Jar Binks' Jamaican.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

Bombo clot.

SPEAKER_03 4:04

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what he says. And then uh the prequel series is really like Luke uh George Lucas was like, what race would these aliens be? And the answer is always whatever like accent would be the most offensive, like ten years down the line. So he has aliens where he's like, yeah, these are just Chinese guys.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

I mean I don't trust anyone who puts their headquarters in the Redwood Forest in California.

SPEAKER_03 4:33

That's so true, dude. Shut up.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

Girl, don't talk to me. Girl, don't talk to me. JC, what book about the real world that's not smuddy alien romance have you been reading?

SPEAKER_03 4:46

Um, I recently read the book The Overstory by Richard Powers.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Does it have any aliens?

SPEAKER_03 4:51

It does not have any aliens.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

Okay, my people can check out.

SPEAKER_03 4:55

Yeah, people here for Chloe. Uh fast forward this like three to five minutes, depending on how many questions Chloe has.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

You always say three to five minutes, and then I'm editing. I'm like, that was 10 to 15 bitch. You lied so hard.

SPEAKER_03 5:09

It's really bad when I do the like the trigger warning. Trigger warning, fast forward three minutes.

SPEAKER_05 5:13

Three minutes is right when you land in the middle of you looking like so.

SPEAKER_03 5:16

Yeah. Um the uh the overstory is uh a book about um it's it has kind of like these interweaving um plot lines about like people's various relationship to trees.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Um I've read a few books about relationships to trees.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

No, shut up. Anyway, um so like for example, like the book opens with this um uh I believe they're a Norwegian family in the late 1800s, and they move to Iowa from uh like after emigrating to uh the United States. Um but their pay their family patriarch picks up like a um I think a chestnut from like the m the uh Southern Chestnut tree. And um he plants it in Iowa, and then of course the American chestnut goes almost extinct due to fungus. Um and then uh he is like the only one, but it's in Iowa. So like um it's kind of like this tree, as this tree grows, uh the tree like sees like the family, like various members of the family um grow old and die, and new members of the family come in. Um there's like a there's like a plot line about um a woman who I think she gets struck by lightning. Or no, she gets electrocuted and dies for a few minutes, and it like changes her outlook on life. Um there's there's like a bunch of stuff. There's like a bunch of stories within this. Um there's a bunch of characters that come together and they're part of the um Pacific Northwest uh lumber wars. They do like a bunch of like um eco-terrorism for uh uh companies cutting down uh really old, like the Redwoods, really old, really big trees. Um It's really cool. It has like a lot of interweaving stories that I really liked. Um it I always kind of go this sounds bad. I go in and out of having like top of mind concern for the environment. I think it's like a it's kind of like to me, it's such like a high up concern. You know what I mean? That like it and there's so little I can specifically do about it that I've kind of mentally checked out. Um, does this make sense? This makes me sound bad. Makes me sound like I've like I don't care about the environment.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

But like because like um You should tell them about your recycling hate.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

Shut up. Uh because I already sound bad, I can't do that. Uh because like corporations, like nine corporations are doing more bad for the environment than me like using paper straws could ever fix. Like it makes me kind of mentally check out. Like there's nothing I can do about this. There's nothing that like these corporations will do to care that that like I can change. And so Richard Powers has written this uh this really incredible book that like made me really viscerally care about like specifically trees and taking care of trees, enough so that uh I mean like I bought a bunch of trees and I planted them around our yard.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Is that why you did that? Yeah. You got influenced by a book about trees.

SPEAKER_03 8:43

Yeah. I think that's allowed. I it's um probably I think one of the best books I've read all year. Um it's a really it's really beautiful. Um it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

I was I was gonna accuse you of reading uh the giving tree, but for grown-ups, but I won't do that now.

SPEAKER_03 9:00

I mean, sort of for sure. Um it is kind of the giving tree, but for grown-ups, um, although with like a lot less, because the tree's not really a tree, right? It's like a metaphor.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Um I'm with you, I'm with you.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

Um but like in this, like it's very literally trees are important to us culturally. Um and and like for the environment, and I I don't know. It um it felt really nice to you know about like um, for example, there's like a plot line where like uh like a man uh comes to the United States from China um during the Chinese Civil War and he brings a tree with him and he plants it in his backyard in Pittsburgh, and I thought that was really nice.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

What tree was it?

SPEAKER_03 9:52

I don't remember why.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

The tree of heaven.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

Oh no, it wasn't a tree of heaven.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Slash the tree from hell is a is a indigenous Chinese tree that um never dies.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

Never will never die. We're we're never getting rid of them.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

Smells like burnt peanut butter.

SPEAKER_03 10:10

Smells awesome. Smells terrible. I hate them.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

They never die, sprout up everywhere.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

Um, but yeah, it was really nice, and I planted some uh trees native to our region of Virginia in our yard so we could have those. Um, because I I don't know. It I think this is why it resonated so much with me, is it uh it is a book that made me care about something that I had kind of emotionally checked out of.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

That's kind of fun.

SPEAKER_03 10:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

Look at JC caring about the environment. For a moment there he went, Maybe we shouldn't let turtles die.

SPEAKER_03 10:50

Well, no, I've always thought we shouldn't let turtles die. Sure. But I mean, like, that's like another one, right? Where like you can like let the turtles live. Like the the thing about the turtles that always gets me is that like people care about them only so far as the turtles get into the water. And then like you know, like Raytheon is just allowed to pump just turtle killing poison directly into their lungs.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

Right.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

Um so like I mean it's the same thing where like I mean, I guess in that case, it's kind of the same thing as like abortion. You know what I mean? Where like um like like a conservative contingent and like big parts of the liberal contingent really only care about the fetus until it's born, and then they're like, yeah, I'm just gonna pump a human-killing poison directly into this human infant's lungs.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

Yeah, well, you gotta make sure their microplastic ratio is really up by the time they're five. I mean, you don't want them to be anyway.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

You gotta get those numbers way up.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

You wanna make sure they are at least five percent plastic at any given time.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

Um, but yeah, so it made me, like I said, care about something that I was kind of checked out of. Um, what have you been reading?

SPEAKER_00 12:02

I have been reading a handful of books. So what I want to talk about this time is The Weaver by Tiffany Roberts.

SPEAKER_03 12:09

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

It is the sequel series to Spider's Mate, which of course you read the first one of.

SPEAKER_03 12:16

I did ensnared.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

It follows Ruc Rahook the red spider. Okay uh who's the weaver, as it's called, um nice to get his bad bitch. His bad bitch is culturally very Japanese, which I'm like, interesting. Um, and it's a lot about like spiders falling in love. Um, but also like the Is he falling in love with another spider? No. It's always a bad bitch.

SPEAKER_03 12:45

Oh, it's a human woman.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

The spiders, yeah. The the Japanese woman.

SPEAKER_03 12:49

Oh, okay. And oh you said she's culturally ja I thought she was like a Japanese spider clan.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

No, no, no, no, no. She's like a uh she's uh an American Japanese woman whose father raised her with a lot of Japanese cultural expectations.

SPEAKER_04 13:05

Oh sure.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

So like when they get like spider married, they do like a a Japanese wedding ceremony.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

That's fun.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

Which is cute, I guess. Um sure. Uh it's a lot of no, it's cute. Uh it's a lot about like um accepting yourself and finding strength and like softness and not having to be at war all the time. Cool shit.

SPEAKER_05 13:30

That's nice.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Uh it is like putting on a little comfy robe if you like the spider's mate, because it's just I love the spider. The spider bug is fun. They were very fun. They're so good. Tiffany Roberts is so good. And the Spider's Mate is just like this like little like cozy little spider world.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

It is it does feel very cozy for sure.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Despite the fact that there's like spider sexual coercion.

SPEAKER_03 13:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially in is is that also in this one? Yeah, a little bit. It's especially an ensnared.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

It's it gets worse through happening throughout the spider's mate. No, no. You're like, oh my god, is she gonna sexually assault the spider guy? He's like he's like tortured.

SPEAKER_03 14:10

Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

At one point in time with her like throwing it back on him, which is like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

I I understand how he feels.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Shut up. Um I started reading these because uh the third one's coming out soon, and I really like the spider boys. I just like a little spider. I just oh spider bitch. The um audiobook for it just came out recently, and I thought that that would be the book that made me start listening to audiobooks, and then I heard uh a few minutes of a sample, and I love reading this mut, but once I hear someone read it out loud, I go, ooh.

SPEAKER_03 14:48

I get it. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 14:50

You're trying to do like sexy Spider-Man voice? Power to you, King. Love that you're trying. I'm sure you're really hitting the nail on the head. Uh, but when you look at me straight up in my face and you try to say something sexy to me, I'm like, first of all, you're fucking disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

You're disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

And I love you. So like I don't love the narrator. So he tries to say something sexy to me, I'm like, please, sir.

SPEAKER_03 15:09

You've never tried to throw it back on the narrator.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

I would never.

SPEAKER_03 15:13

Thank you. Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

In the sound booth? Never. Pussy too juicy for the sound booth, squelch quelch.

SPEAKER_03 15:20

What book are we what book are we talking about today?

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Okay, so today we are talking about how to lose a zombie in ten days by Amy Wright.

SPEAKER_03 15:31

Okay. Okay. Kind of kind of like how to lose a man in ten days.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

Literally, that's what the poster looks like. Like the book cover is like the same pose as as the movie.

SPEAKER_03 15:39

Is it?

SPEAKER_00 15:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:40

Oh, I didn't even notice.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_03 15:42

That's funny.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

I know.

SPEAKER_03 15:43

Who's it? Isn't that is that that's a Matthew McConaughey joint, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Matthew McConaughey and um Kate Hudson? Yes, Kate Hudson.

SPEAKER_03 15:51

Yes, yes, Kate Hudson. Oh, I nailed that.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

You did, you didn't. You did for me. You did so good. Um, it's a shorter book, it's like 174. I've been doing marketing graphics for a new online monster-only indie bookstore. Okay. Called the Monster Stuff Library.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

Sick.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

And this book was one of the first ones she stocked, and I was doing some graphics for it, um, and just like putting up tropes and things that happened in it. And the tropes were like just wild enough. I was like, I gotta fucking read this one.

SPEAKER_03 16:30

Yeah, you gotta you gotta give it a gander.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

Girl. We talk about monster books, you are like they start to blend together sometimes. There's some really central themes, right? And a lot of these the themes in this one are like the the the plot points are kind of like, whoa, bitch, like I've not seen that one in a long while, if ever. So it was kind of like, oh okay, like calm down, bitch. So this I keep laughing, I keep messaging um the girl who runs the shop, being like, every time I do a graphic, it's like a 50-50 flip if I'm gonna end up reading it, because I'm like marketing to myself. I'm like, it sounds fun, I gotta read it. And because it's such uh indie authors, it's ones I haven't heard of before. So this is actually how I got introduced to Amy Wright. Um, and I now have a handful of those books on my TDR. Oh, nice. So, JC.

SPEAKER_03 17:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

First and foremost, we're in England for this book.

SPEAKER_03 17:23

Okay, sure.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Which, like pip pip Cheerio type shit.

SPEAKER_03 17:26

Uh quick question, just right up top. How do they make Matthew McConnell hey British?

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Um This book is about we have our two main characters, okay?

SPEAKER_03 17:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

We have Jen.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

I'm sorry, his name is what?

SPEAKER_00 17:44

Jen is the girl.

SPEAKER_03 17:45

Oh, like Jen.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Like Jennifer, but Jen.

SPEAKER_03 17:48

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Jen. Um Jen. Jen is a nurse. Jen lives in her cute little apartment.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Jen is trying to date.

SPEAKER_03 17:56

Over there they call it a flat.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Thank you. Um a bitch. Uh we have Jin. She's a nurse. She has one flat that she lives in by herself.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Uh, and her ex-boyfriend Adam.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

Okay. So our book starts out with Jin getting off of an overnight shift. She's like an ER nurse. If you've seen the pit, that's our bitch.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Um I have not.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

You're missing out. Um, and she's talking about how it's been seven months since her and her ex-boyfriend Adam broke up.

SPEAKER_02 18:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:31

Adam dumped her to quote unquote see what else was out there.

SPEAKER_03 18:37

Great man, great man reason to break up with a woman.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

I know, right. I was like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 18:42

Um I kind of just want to see like I'm I kinda wanna s get like a sample platter of all the other pussy in our city.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

I've had someone break up with me saying that.

SPEAKER_03 18:51

They just want to like check out other things.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

I want to see what else is out there. There might be something better.

SPEAKER_03 18:55

That's so funny. In what way?

SPEAKER_00 18:58

Right.

SPEAKER_03 18:59

I always think about like in what way?

SPEAKER_00 19:01

In what way am I not performing up to expectations here?

SPEAKER_03 19:05

You're asking for you're like, give me a give me a performance e-val.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Am I getting relationship pipped? Um, so Adam calls her when she gets off shift.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

And she's like, Don't fucking talk to me. I don't want to fucking talk to you. He's like, hey, this is an emergency. I really need help. And he sounds so stressed out, she's like, oh, fine, whatever. Um he's like, can I come over? She's like, I'm supposed to go on a date, but like, if you really need me to, he's like, I need you, like, I need your medical opinion on this. She's like, fine, whatever, come over. Um, he walks into her apartment.

SPEAKER_03 19:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

That bitch is gray.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

Adam is gray?

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Adam is gray.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

Oh, he's oh, he's a zombie.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

She like checks his pulse, he has no pulse. Um, and she's like, What the fuck happened? He goes, I was leaving the gym because he is a trainer.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

Oh, sure. Ew. He's like, I got bit by a guy on angel dust, and now I'm No, he got hit by a car and died. Do you What was the drug in Florida in like 2014? Bath salts. It was bath salts, yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Baths, how could you forget?

SPEAKER_03 20:08

How could I forget? For some reason I thought it was Angel Dust. No, it was bath salts, and uh this is like the thing that like everyone was like, Yeah, because this was at the same time that like the Walking Dead and like a bunch of zombie media was out. Yeah. And so people are like, oh, like the the The Walking Dead is just a show about a guy getting chased by people on bath salts. It's just what it's like to live in Jacksonville, Florida.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Ha ha, so funny.

SPEAKER_03 20:30

So funny, dude.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

So he gets hit by a car.

SPEAKER_03 20:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:33

He dies.

SPEAKER_03 20:33

Yes, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

She's like, You should be dead then. He's like, Well, I was hooking up with this girl, and she was a total witch.

SPEAKER_03 20:38

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

And Jen's like, that's kind of misogynistic. He's like, no, she was a witch. Because supernatural people and beings exist in this world.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

Oh, okay. I thought you I thought you meant like one of those people who like um used the tried to use the power of the moon to kill Donald Trump.

SPEAKER_00 20:52

Yeah, like um, I guess they were fucking, and afterwards he was like, haha, that was so great, but I'm like totally not looking for a relationship right now.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

So she like rips his hair out, pimp move, lights it on fire, and starts chanting some shit, and then leaves. And he doesn't think anything of it.

SPEAKER_02 21:07

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

Why would you? Uh and then he got hit by a car and now he's undead.

SPEAKER_03 21:12

I know this is going to end with them getting together, but I don't want it to because he does sound horrendous.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

That's kind of my my my note through this whole thing is are we sure about this?

SPEAKER_03 21:24

Yeah, sure. Surely there's like better guys out there. Look, he he thought there would be better trim out there.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

Don't say that. That's disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 21:32

And now, you know what? There's better not zombie dick. Okay. Send him on his way.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

He's like, Can I stay at your house for a bit? No. And she's like, no, leave. He was, I don't know what to do. I'm scared of what will happen if people see me. I don't want to be attacked. She's nice, and she says, you can stay until my sister shows up in ten days. After that, you gotta fucking leave.

SPEAKER_03 21:55

I do like that she's uh you know, I feel like everybody like has a friend like this. But you know the girls who like um they're like oh like my loser boyfriend while I'm at work, he like drives my car around so he has to like drop me off at work, and then he like drives my car to like go cheat on me with like my friends. Um I do like that she's just doing that, but now her with boyfriend is a zombie.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

I know. Um, so he's staying at her house. She goes to bed because it's late at night, and when she wakes up in the morning, actually it's like the middle of the night when she wakes up, it's because he's blasting, and God bless him, they get fucking dragged. Do you know the band, the Chain Smokers?

SPEAKER_03 22:34

I'm familiar.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

He's apparently blasting their music, and she's like, It sucks! It's so bad.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

Fuck him! Devastating on the chain smokers.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

He is like keeping everyone up, he's like in the kitchen doing shit. He's like, I don't need to sleep anymore, so I'm just doing shit.

SPEAKER_03 22:49

He left She is really creating, just like she she is really like cobbling together all of like the worst type of men.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

She's like, Yanny, like, listens to the chain smokers a lot. Like later you're gonna tell me that he like um lies about reading Bell Hooks. And like where's a where's a he like reads it like really obtrusively, but he's only he's like not even out of like the introduction chapter in like a co like a hipster coffee shop. He's just like a real piece of shit.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

He listens to the chain smokers.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:23

He left her milk out overnight, so it's now sour.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

Girl.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

He stole her clothes. He's like wearing her clothes now. For what? Because he wanted to, he didn't want to wear his other clothes, he would got run over in, I guess. Um, and he's just like using her laptop and really making himself at home.

SPEAKER_03 23:40

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Which, like, that's rude.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

This is real this this okay, this is real like piece of shit ex-boyfriend material.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

So when she wakes up in the morning, she's like exhausted, she can't make her coffee, and like he's like fucking around on her shit, and she's like, What the hell? I have to go to work, like quit it. And he's like, Okay, like whatever.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

Can I borrow your car, babe? Can I borrow your car?

SPEAKER_00 23:58

Yeah, can I borrow your car? Yeah. Um, we get a whole inner monologue from Adam about how he like is super upset because he can't get a boner nowadays.

SPEAKER_03 24:07

Shut up.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

Big He has a whole thing where he's like, I used to jerk off one or two times a day, and it's been days, and I haven't jerked off now. I don't even know what to do.

SPEAKER_03 24:15

I haven't had a sweet J-O.

SPEAKER_00 24:16

I haven't had a sweet, he can't get a boner. Um once she leaves the house You should be dead. Um once he she leaves the house, he like goes through her Amazon account and like starts buying things with her card. That's awesome. But like stuff she wanted. So he's like, no, it's totally nice of me to do that.

SPEAKER_03 24:33

Uh I have a quick question. Okay, so he's like, I can't even get a boner. And I like that he's like uh enough of a piece of shit in this situation that he is not considering just like doing like a little booty play.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

He calls her at work and asks her to steal blue pills for him.

SPEAKER_03 24:52

Gross. Yeah, I guess that would be the next place you could go, but yeah, I guess I guess that's another direction you can take.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

Um when Jin Lee, so he's buying shit on her Amazon cart with her card, he goes into her room and he's like, Well, I guess I'll like organize her drawers, kinda know what else to do, but he starts just like wearing her underwear.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

You know how I feel about that. Don't do it.

SPEAKER_03 25:16

Well, yeah, he's probably getting like I mean he okay, he did die, to be clear. Like he died. Yeah. So that means like he definitely um I'm gonna try to not make this a uh a poop podcast, but he um evacuated himself, you assume.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

I agree, but he's going through her underwear and trying on different ones to find ones that he thinks are the best to wear.

SPEAKER_03 25:37

For him? Yes. Yeah, okay, so he's he's getting poop on all her panties.

SPEAKER_00 25:40

He took a shower, allegedly.

SPEAKER_03 25:42

No, he didn't. No, he didn't. He's like he's like using her uh her her nail polish to like paint his nails black.

SPEAKER_00 25:56

Okay. While he's trying on all of Jin's panties, yeah, getting poop on all of them. Getting poop on all of them, he has an internal thought that he is aware he is a wholly unlikable person.

SPEAKER_03 26:09

That's funny.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

And instead of trying to improve on that personality-wise or intellectually or anything, he decides that it's better to try to compensate by being hot, which is what drove him to be a personal trainer, and to use his huge dick to impress women, which is why it's such an issue if he can't get a boner.

SPEAKER_03 26:28

Pimp.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

Why not just fix your shitty personality?

SPEAKER_03 26:30

No, can't do that. I ugh. I do think this is funny, because this is it seems like a situation where Amy Wright can't imagine this like type of person and like their general lack of self-awareness. But like I've had conversations with this type of guy, and like they don't realize that they're unlikable, in my experience. They they don't tend to notice that like people don't like me. They're they're like everybody else has some kind of problem with me, and obviously everybody else is the problem.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

Well, it's because if this is gonna end up as our romantic interest at the end, we have to make him somewhat likable.

SPEAKER_03 27:08

That's true. I forgot he's gonna I forgot we're gonna have to like him later.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

We have to have something. Um, so uh while he's going through organizing her panties and trying them on and thinking about how he's unlikable, he starts thinking about like how hot Jim would look in these, and that causes him to get a miracle boner.

SPEAKER_03 27:26

Oh, that's awesome, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

He tries to go crank his shit, and the minute he does that, it's gone.

SPEAKER_03 27:31

Okay, so oh, so it's like a magic boner situation. He can only get a boner if he's like thinking about other people. He can only get charitable boners.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Well, he can't like he can if he watches porn, no boner, if he jerks his shit, no boner, no nothing.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

He's demisexual now.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

Don't say he's demisexual now. Um while Jenna's at work, Adam starts going through stuff online, trying to find anything he can about zombies. Because while there are supernaturals in the world, like shifters and vampires and shit like that, he's never seen a zombie before.

SPEAKER_03 28:07

He's gonna he he needs to do the Twilight thing where he goes to like a bookstore like two towns over, reads like the introductory chapter, and then googles the rest of it.

SPEAKER_00 28:17

So he starts he starts googling shit and like he comes across like a bunch of weird zombie lore and he googles help I'm a zombie and then he finds like friends of the undead or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 28:27

Finds like a Reddit forum.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

It's essentially AA meetings for zombies.

SPEAKER_03 28:30

Oh hell yes, dude.

SPEAKER_00 28:31

And so when Jen comes home, he's like, We gotta go out. She's like, Where the hell are you going? He goes, You're gonna come with me to this meeting, and she goes, I'm not undead yet.

SPEAKER_03 28:38

I don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

He's like, You have to come with me because she's gonna go off like I want someone there, quote unquote, in case they are all losers.

SPEAKER_03 28:47

Oh hell yeah. I I okay, I do understand this, because that's why I always want you to come places with me.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

In case everyone's losers?

SPEAKER_03 28:54

Yeah, in case everybody fucking sucks and I I like don't have anybody to talk to because I'm like, oh, like you're like the worst person I've ever met. Um I do like that he's doing this. She's like getting off like a 14-hour shift.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Yeah, in the ER.

SPEAKER_03 29:06

Yeah, she's like endlessly tired. She wants to like come home and immediately go to sleep, and he's like, No, we gotta go out.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

We gotta go to this meeting.

SPEAKER_03 29:13

We gotta go out, we gotta meet a bunch of a bunch of losers.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

So they go to the AA group.

SPEAKER_02 29:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

There's a handful of zombies there. There's a zombie woman who like is leading the meeting. I think her name is Annie. Um, and she like is hanging out and really cheerful and really nice, and she's like, Yeah, the transition's really hard. Like, we're really glad you're here. Um, there's snacks on the table because zombies have to have special snacks.

SPEAKER_03 29:39

And um What are the special snacks?

SPEAKER_00 29:41

Like brains and shit, bitch.

SPEAKER_03 29:43

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

And um Adam decides all the other zombies are losers.

SPEAKER_03 29:48

Awesome.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

Um, but Annie's like, hey, like this is really hard for you. Like, just listen to what your body needs and like try to have some charity with yourself during the.

SPEAKER_03 29:56

My body needs your butt and pussy in that order.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

Oh my god. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:02

Wait, does he ask them about like the boner sitch?

SPEAKER_00 30:05

No.

SPEAKER_03 30:05

No, he's just like, uh, everyone here is lame.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Let's go.

SPEAKER_03 30:08

I guess I'll I guess I'll take my uh I guess I'll take my flaccid penis home.

SPEAKER_00 30:12

Yeah. Um uh yeah. Uh the next day, uh Jen has a date.

SPEAKER_03 30:20

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

Because she's like talking to her girlfriend, and she's like, I don't want Adam to be there. He's a pain in my ass. He's just like keeping me up at night. He's just like being awful.

SPEAKER_03 30:28

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

And the friend's like, why don't you try to get him to leave? Like, you should do that. And she's like, I don't know what to do. I just want to like get laid. I haven't gotten laid in so long. And they're like, Get laid? Well, Adam's there. That'll definitely convince him to leave.

SPEAKER_03 30:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

Okay. So she goes out on a date, um, and then she brings the guy home, and Adam's at the house, and she's like, Go hide, like, I'm trying to get something.

SPEAKER_03 30:48

Um go hide, zombie boy.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

Goes hide, zombie boy. So she and this guy go to the cuck closet. So she and this guy start boning, and they're like boning in her bedroom with like the door open, and Adam gets a boner because he's like, damn, she's so hot.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

Oh my god. He's a demisexual cuckold. It's devastating.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

Um, and and uh he he's he's jerking his shit. Oh, he jerks his shit so hard he rips off his dick.

SPEAKER_03 31:16

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 31:17

And when he kind of he kind of rips off his dick and it kind of goes flying into the other room.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

How is he jerking off?

SPEAKER_00 31:23

He's a zombie!

SPEAKER_03 31:24

Okay, but like how much pull is he putting on his put that it comes off?

SPEAKER_00 31:29

All of it, apparently. Um, so Yanking on it. Yeah. Uh so he like loses his dick and it goes flying into the other room where um Shin and this guy are boating, and this guy turns around and sees Adam and is like, what the fuck is this? And Jin is like, what are you doing? And Adam's like, sorry, my dick isn't here, and Luke's like, I don't want to fucking deal with this. You guys are weird, and he just leaves.

SPEAKER_03 31:51

No, I get it. Look, if I'm hooking up with a woman and then uh a guy like throws his dick into the room and he's like, I'm here now. Oopsie doopsy, I'm like, yeah, I'm out of here. Um First of all, he was definitely watching, and second of all, um, he threw his dick came off. That's not right. Um Also zombies are losers.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

Also, zombies are losers. Um, so so Adam got no dick.

SPEAKER_03 32:19

No, no, not right now.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

Jin's date has left.

SPEAKER_03 32:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

That's but Jin thinks that Adam has the best penis of any guy she's ever slept with.

SPEAKER_03 32:29

Yeah, women always have this about like their worst ex-boyfriend. They're like, yeah, he kind of has the best penis.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Well, because the worst boyfriend you only put up with because of the best penis.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

Because they have the best penis, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 32:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I put up with you.

SPEAKER_03 32:40

That's why you put up with me.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

Your best penis. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03 32:42

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

So she picks up his disembodied dick and starts chorking herself with it.

SPEAKER_03 32:49

Kind of like a so okay, so she's using like a dildo situation.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:53

Can he feel that?

SPEAKER_00 32:54

He can feel it.

SPEAKER_03 32:55

I don't like that.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

But because the balls are detached and it's not Tetcher's body, he can't nut.

SPEAKER_03 33:00

Oh, that's that's wag. So wait, hang on. I don't want to like reveal how much I know about dildos.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 33:12

But like usually they do have some kind of like um balls? Yeah, they do have some form of balls because then that just kind of forms like a convenient handle for for uh these beautiful these beautiful women to to use them to um uh go to town on themselves. Um so he doesn't have the balls. She's just like you it's just like a cylinder of flesh.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:35

That's fucked up. Not a like that. Gross. Um but like so She's really squeezing the base of his penis then.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

Yeah, and she's like doing herself with it, which he's like obsessed with.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

Oh, for sure, yeah. Well he was just watching them.

SPEAKER_00 33:52

Yeah, well, he's she's like nutting on his shit, and Adam like can't nut at all, but he doesn't even care right now. He's just happy that he's he's back inside a gym. I guess they're obsessed with each other's genitalia's.

SPEAKER_03 34:09

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

Nasty. Um I hate these people.

SPEAKER_00 34:13

I agree.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

Now, I do want to um kind of kind of pull this conversation to the side a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

Like pull some panties to the side?

SPEAKER_03 34:23

Pull some panties to the side for a moment.

SPEAKER_00 34:25

You gonna do tricks on it, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:27

Um now I know that how to lose a guy in ten days is about a man who is like a journalist, like a like one of those he's he works for like Barstool Sports, and he's like, I gotta like get like a woman to for real fall in love with me in ten days, and uh Kate Hudson is a journalist, and uh sh she's trying to um act so crazy that a man leaves her in ten days.

SPEAKER_04 34:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 34:58

Um that does not seem to be what's happening in the story. No, she does this have any like valence to have any like connection to the movie? No. Oh, it just has it just shares a name.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

But I love that you're like, this is a plot-for-plot zombie like pride prejudicing zombies, but like just Yeah, how to yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:18

I mean, she called it how to lose a zombie in ten days. That doesn't feel crazy to a film.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

It's like a not legally a slender man. You could be close, but you can't go that close. You gotta leave a wide berth around those uh copyright laws.

SPEAKER_03 35:32

Yeah, but it seems like she just uh it it just has like the same title and then uh just the plot is like, I don't know, what if like uh what if what if like a woman fell in love with her ex-boyfriend and he's a zombie? And being a zombie makes him a better person.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

Yeah. Hello?

SPEAKER_03 35:48

Hello, I suppose.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

Hello?

SPEAKER_03 35:51

Okay, so she they're I guess it's England, so they're going to like uh they're going to the footy game, and uh during like that like last little like uh chunk of minutes they throw they tack on to the end of the 90 minutes of a soccer game, she's like, Can you go get me some footy scran? And he's he's mad.

SPEAKER_00 36:11

That was a reference to the basketball scene.

SPEAKER_03 36:12

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

I just don't like football. Either side.

SPEAKER_03 36:17

You don't like anybody's football.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

So I'm not gonna laugh at that. But I see what you did, and I want to acknowledge that you did do the work.

SPEAKER_03 36:24

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 36:24

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_03 36:25

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_03 36:26

I really did a lot of I I even said footy scran.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

Yeah, that was awful.

SPEAKER_03 36:30

Thank you. Anyway, what happens in this in this legally not Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey joint?

SPEAKER_00 36:41

She's jerking it with his peen.

SPEAKER_03 36:43

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

He can't nut.

SPEAKER_03 36:45

He cannot. But he loves it. It's kind of like sick edging.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

Yeah. Um He kind of loves that he can't nut.

SPEAKER_03 36:56

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

He's kind of obsessed with it.

SPEAKER_03 36:58

He's he's a gooner.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

Yeah. Um after she nuts a handful of times, she starts to feel kind of guilty and she sews his dick back on.

SPEAKER_03 37:07

Oh, sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:08

Because she's a nurse, she has like a suture kit with her.

SPEAKER_03 37:10

Oh yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 37:11

So she sews his dick back on, and I guess she gets.

SPEAKER_03 37:14

Again, she just got I guess she's on she just came back from a date, but like he's kind of making her do work at home.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:21

That sucks.

SPEAKER_00 37:22

Um she gets so dickmatized that she's sewing his dick on that she like gives him a blowy.

SPEAKER_03 37:29

No. God.

SPEAKER_00 37:32

Um and and he's like, hey, I would really like to go to therapy together.

SPEAKER_03 37:41

Shut up. No, you don't.

SPEAKER_00 37:44

Um and and I guess she's so dickmatized, she's like, sure, let's do it. Um so uh she like doesn't think anything of it. She's like, this guy never completed anything. Like he has to go to therapy, but there's no fucking way that like he's actually gonna do shit. Like this guy ain't doing shit ever.

SPEAKER_02 38:05

No, no, no, no, no. No, he sucks.

SPEAKER_00 38:07

Yeah. So she continues to try to like scare him off. Um, and I guess periods are the way she's gonna do that.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

What? Um He he doesn't like periods.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

Yeah, and so she's like, Can you go get me tampons?

SPEAKER_03 38:20

Like, I'm just gonna buy me some tampons.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

And she's like, Oh my flow's so big and heavy, I need you to give me lots of tampons and ice cream, and he's like, Yeah, totally. Um, so uh he like gets her all sorts of like tampons and ice cream, and he got her chocolate and he got her a steak just in case she needed it. Don't know what steak. Girl, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 38:41

No, the steak is for him.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 38:43

He's tearing up that steak. You get her real raw. He got it rare in the middle.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

I yeah, I don't know. So he's like, I guess in case her like she lost too much blood and she needed more iron, but that's not how periods work.

SPEAKER_03 38:57

That's awesome. Um but he like I love that he's stupid.

SPEAKER_00 39:00

He didn't like lose, like he he didn't like freak out about getting tampons, which like bare minimum type shit.

SPEAKER_03 39:07

Um No, if he's a if he was like a real piece of shit, he would be like one of those um male sluts where their thing is that they have like the tampons already at their place.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

Well he's at her place.

SPEAKER_03 39:17

They're like, what's your they're like, oh like what's your uh what's your flow size? I have I have a box for each flow.

SPEAKER_00 39:23

That is disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 39:26

Slut tendency.

SPEAKER_00 39:27

Yeah, seriously. Um so uh he gets her like tampons and ice cream and doesn't complain. They bone again and he like brings her a cum rag instead of like leaving her to clean herself up, which is like bare minimum again.

SPEAKER_03 39:39

Again. God.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

Um we then get some notes on Adam and how he's like a high school dropout and about his job at the gym, which he has just been like ghosting since he died.

SPEAKER_03 39:51

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 39:51

Uh cool, I guess. Um Adam is like, what happened to us? What when did things stop being fun?

SPEAKER_03 40:00

Shut up. God, this guy sucks so bad, dude.

SPEAKER_00 40:03

And Jen is like, what fucking happened? Like, you were in the relationship too. Like, you should know what happened.

SPEAKER_03 40:09

Uh he was busy playing uh PS4.

SPEAKER_00 40:12

Yeah, but it turns out he actually did get a list of therapists together.

SPEAKER_03 40:15

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 40:16

So she's he's like, here's all the list of therapists. They're all men. No, they're all women. Um, and she's like, We could do this one right now, it's just only 15 minutes, and she's like, fine, fucking whatever. But she doesn't really believe in therapy.

SPEAKER_03 40:30

Okay. She's one of those bitches. Girl.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

She doesn't believe in therapy. I ma'am. So she didn't believe in therapy, so they have this 15 minutes, and the therapist is kind of like like, we should talk about like what you guys want. And um, Jenna's like, well, we used to be in a relationship, and Adam's like, used to, like, we could be in a relationship again. And Jenna's like, no, we just need closure, and he's kind of like, Awww. And the therapist is like, okay, well, we can definitely work on that. Like, what do you think is the most important? And like, what what do you want to work on? And basically they decide that communication is their issue.

SPEAKER_03 41:01

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

Duh. Um, she she mean Jin is like, Adam never helped around the house. Adam's like, you never asked for help. She's like, what the fuck? Um awesome.

SPEAKER_03 41:15

Um awesome shit.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

Jin decides she doesn't actually want to bother with therapy because this is pointless because they're not getting back together. Um and instead she's trying to just get him out of the house.

SPEAKER_03 41:29

Yes, yeah, that's what you would do in that situation. Yeah. So she Well her sister is coming in like eight days now.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

Yeah. So she goes to work, she talks to her like manager, and it's like I just realized something.

SPEAKER_03 41:40

I apologize. Uh okay, so hang on. They got like immediately an appointment with a therapist. Is that like a British thing?

SPEAKER_00 41:49

British therapists take a long, long time. That's a good thing.

SPEAKER_03 41:52

I was about to say, cuz in my experience, getting a therapist, they're like, Yeah, you can can you come in in like a month?

SPEAKER_00 42:03

Yeah. I I d there's a lot.

SPEAKER_03 42:07

We're just blow past it. Who cares?

SPEAKER_00 42:10

We're gonna zoom right past and curiously past it. Um, so Jen says, I don't want to do therapy. This is pointless, like, it's not up to me to tell you what to do. Like, you should have realized what was going on. I don't care. I just want you to get out of my house. So she talks to her boss. Her boss is like, Oh, talk to this guy. He's been doing a lot of research on the undead. So she calls that guy and she goes, Yeah, I have like a friend who's been recently um turned into a zombie.

SPEAKER_02 42:34

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 42:34

And this is when we discover that there's actually a serious amount of prejudice in the world against the undead. Shut up. Because he's like, you have to restrain him and like keep him like sedated and like I will come by and get him and we will dispose of him. And she's like, Whoa, bitch, I don't want to do that. So now she kind of So now she kind of feels like she has to keep him.

SPEAKER_03 42:54

No, I agree, you should do that. He should be dead.

SPEAKER_00 42:58

Um the the He doesn't deserve his second chance. The purchases that Adam made with her credit card on Amazon arrive.

SPEAKER_03 43:06

Shut up.

SPEAKER_00 43:10

The purchases is a giant dildo.

SPEAKER_03 43:13

Yeah. No, that no that tracks.

SPEAKER_00 43:15

And he's like, I got this for you. She's like, with my money, and he's like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:18

Oh hell yeah. Hang on. This is such this is such piece of shit boyfriend shit. He's like, babe, you can get anything you want at the 7-Eleven. Can you front me $15?

unknown 43:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:29

She gets mad as hell and he doesn't quite understand why. Um, so she like is like, give me your credit card. He's like, uh, okay. So he gives her her his credit card. She's like, Great, now give me your dick. And she like takes his dick. What? And his credit card.

SPEAKER_03 43:43

She confiscates his penis. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 43:46

Um, and and goes and like fin doms him. Um what? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:53

He doesn't have a job anymore. Surely fin dombing him is pretty easy. She's like, she's Like, oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna spend this money on like a on like a bag of candy that's like four dollars fifty cents, and he's like, No, please don't, please don't.

SPEAKER_00 44:09

She takes his credit card and goes and gets her nails done and is like sending him pictures like this is gonna cost you so much, and he gets his penis that is detached from and bricked.

SPEAKER_03 44:17

It's like in her purse, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:19

Wrapped up in her purse, bricked.

SPEAKER_03 44:20

Wrapped up.

SPEAKER_00 44:21

Yeah, she wrapped it in a scarf. Um she takes a photo of like a lingerie shop and it's like I'm gonna go buy so much lingerie here with your card and like so expensive. Normally I wouldn't buy it, but you're gonna pay for it, you fucking bitch. And she's like, like he's like all over it. Um and so uh uh she goes and buys lingerie and keeps sending him pictures. He's getting mad bricked up. This makes her mad bricked up. So she's like sending videos of herself like jorking her shit inside a dressing room.

SPEAKER_03 44:49

What in the lingerie Don't do that in there.

SPEAKER_00 44:52

In the lingerie! And his dick is like going crazy.

SPEAKER_03 44:58

Surely the cashier at the lingerie shop has to deal with this all the time.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

Yeah, probably. Um, so she's like jerking her shit, and she's like, I guess after she fin-doms him and buys lingerie and gets her nails done, she has a shift. Because she just got to go.

SPEAKER_03 45:14

She has to go to work with his dick in her bag.

SPEAKER_00 45:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:16

He's like getting hard seeing her like, or like feeling through his penis that she is saving lives.

SPEAKER_00 45:23

She she puts his dick in her locker.

SPEAKER_03 45:25

She he's like getting hard thinking about how how bullshit it is that she doesn't get the appreciation because she's a nurse. But she does all the work and doctors don't do anything.

SPEAKER_00 45:35

He's thinking about the um COVID thing that they used to do in England where they all went outside and clapped for nurses and shit.

SPEAKER_03 45:43

Yeah. He's like, You're a you're a hero.

SPEAKER_00 45:46

You're right, exactly. Um, so because she's at work, she's not playing with his dick no more. Um, so he don't have boner no more, his dick's just not there.

SPEAKER_03 45:56

Can he move his penis even though it's like Yeah, he can like flex it. Yeah. He's making his dick wiggle in her locker. It's like slamming on the metal sides of the locker.

SPEAKER_00 46:06

Yeah, but like it still is a dick, so if he slams it on the side of the locker, he's just hurting his dick.

SPEAKER_03 46:12

I mean, yeah, sure, that's true. I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

That's just self-harm. Um, so he doesn't have buller anymore, but her best friend comes over to her house, like freaked out.

SPEAKER_03 46:21

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_00 46:21

And Adam doesn't like this best friend, but he's like, I want to be a better person, so I'm gonna help her.

SPEAKER_03 46:25

Um She's like, You look like a zombie and I can you have no print. So I I I'm catching zero print. Yeah, I'm catching, I'm catching zero print, no meat. Uh uh, she always said your dick was big, so that means your dick is detached because you're a zombie.

SPEAKER_00 46:41

Uh okay, so this friend comes over freaked out, and she's like, This guy is stalking me and harassing me, and I'm scared to go to my house because I went on a date last night, and when I was on this date, I kept getting threatening texts from this guy, and I keep seeing him out of the corner of my eye today, and so I'm scared to go to my house. And Adam's like, Okay. Adam's like, Well, I don't want you to be alone and you can stay here if you want, but like it seems like you want to be at home and like you'd rather not be here. And she goes, Yeah, let's go. Like, I gotta get some stuff at my house.

SPEAKER_03 47:08

So he's like, Do you have Xbox? Okay, do you have online Xbox?

SPEAKER_00 47:13

You pay for the subscription.

SPEAKER_03 47:16

If I bring my if I bring my modern warfare, can I play it on your Xbox?

SPEAKER_00 47:21

So they go to her house and she gets a text as she's going up the stairs. Like, who the fuck is that guy with you? And Adam's like, I didn't see anyone, I don't know who where the fuck he is. Um and when they get into the house, they're like, okay, we're gonna hide and see what happens.

SPEAKER_03 47:36

And um Is Adam here to offer like an an intimidation factor? What is he Okay, is he still wearing her he's wearing like skinny jeans? He's wearing like her skinny jeans and like a pink blouse.

SPEAKER_00 47:50

I think it's like a like a Metallica shirt.

SPEAKER_03 47:53

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_00 47:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:54

Okay, so he Metallica shirt plus her skinny jeans.

SPEAKER_00 47:57

Yeah, you've seen the cover.

SPEAKER_03 47:58

So he's like kind of bootied out.

SPEAKER_00 48:00

But it's the scariest thing he could be.

SPEAKER_03 48:02

I don't think that's true.

SPEAKER_00 48:03

Um, so uh this guy that was stalking her friend like breaks into her house with a key he stole.

SPEAKER_03 48:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 48:10

And so Adam's like, I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go full zombie on his ass.

SPEAKER_03 48:13

And he starts doing like grain.

SPEAKER_00 48:14

Yeah, he starts doing like walking dead shit at him by like groaning and hobbling and like trying to eat him.

SPEAKER_03 48:19

Yeah, I've I've seen the movie Zombies.

SPEAKER_00 48:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:21

I've seen the Dom Zombies.

SPEAKER_00 48:23

The it's a great allegory.

SPEAKER_03 48:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:29

Just like this book.

SPEAKER_03 48:30

Yeah, and in this book he's turned black.

SPEAKER_00 48:34

No, JC!

SPEAKER_03 48:36

This is kind of what it's like when you're like white passing and then you do 23andMe and discover that you're like uh 15% West African.

SPEAKER_00 48:44

Stop. Stop. So he scares off this guy, he grabs this guy's pocket and pulls out the keys, but the guy slams the door shut on Adam's hand, which means his hand is now detected.

SPEAKER_03 48:57

His hand's on the other side of the door. Classic, classic hilarity.

SPEAKER_00 49:01

Classic hilarity. Um Jen's BFF is like, oh my god, I can't believe you saved me. You're such a gentleman. This is so amazing.

SPEAKER_03 49:11

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_00 49:11

And she's just like, I get why she keeps you around now. And he's like, Hell yeah, that's another point for me getting back together with Jen.

SPEAKER_03 49:17

No, it sounds like the friend wants to fuck you. I mean, I guess he can't. She has his penis.

SPEAKER_00 49:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:22

Yeah, she should she should just keep wait, she okay, hang on. I'm turning around on this. Keep dating him, but just like confiscate his penis every day.

SPEAKER_00 49:30

Yeah, you can't trust him.

SPEAKER_03 49:31

Um That's so true.

SPEAKER_00 49:34

Jen uh Adam and Jen's best friend go back to Jen's house, and when Jen gets off work, she sees that there's a bunch of calls and texts from Adam and her best friend being like, oh my god, what happened? And she calls her best friend and her best friend's like, oh, don't worry about it. Like I'm at your house with Adam. Like he uh like took care of it. Like he's been like really good at making sure I stay okay. Like we're doing karaoke over here. He's making tacos, like he's gonna make us margaritas.

SPEAKER_03 49:57

He's making tacos? Yes. He's British, there's no way he's making good tacos.

SPEAKER_00 50:01

No, he's also dead, JC. Um, like he's also like he's making his dinner one-handed. Like, come on over, like we'll chit-chat.

SPEAKER_03 50:07

Where's his hand?

SPEAKER_00 50:08

He's holding his hand. He doesn't have a way to connect the other thing.

SPEAKER_03 50:10

Oh, that's right, because he doesn't know how to do the God, he's so useless. Look, I'm a zombie. The f the first time my penis comes off and has to be uh reattached with sutures, I'm learning how to do that.

SPEAKER_00 50:23

Not Adam.

SPEAKER_03 50:24

Not Adam, because he's useless. So far, all the like the useful things he's done have just been like his presence as a male figure in a scenario.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

He like, yeah, he's not, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:37

Yeah, he sucks.

SPEAKER_00 50:38

He's like, he's like doing a lot of cleaning around the house.

SPEAKER_03 50:41

I refuse to support him by the end of this book.

SPEAKER_00 50:43

He's doing a lot of cleaning around Jen's house because he can't sleep.

SPEAKER_03 50:46

No, he's not. He's he's doing that male thing where he's like cleaning it wrong, and then when she's like, oh, like you use like the wrong type of cleaner on my floors, he's like, Okay, well, I guess you just do it better than me. I just don't know how to do it, and you know how to do it better than me, so I guess you should do it from now on.

SPEAKER_00 51:03

Um sorry, uh, okay. No. Um, so Jen comes back, she sews Adam's hand back on. Sure. Sh Adam walks Jen's best friend back to her house and like makes sure she's okay.

SPEAKER_03 51:22

There's a lot of going back and forth between these two houses.

SPEAKER_00 51:24

I know. Um, when he comes back, uh Jen changed into her lingerie that she bought because she wants to reward him for being such a gentleman.

SPEAKER_03 51:31

Gross. Nah, that's gross.

SPEAKER_00 51:34

So she so she's so She sows his dick back on. Yeah, she sows his dick back on.

SPEAKER_03 51:40

And he still doesn't learn how to do it.

SPEAKER_00 51:42

Um the whole time they're boning, he keeps saying this nasty shit to her. But this nasty shit is really just a confession that he wants a second chance with her. He keeps boning her, being like, ooh, you know this dick made for you. Ooh, this pussy home for me.

SPEAKER_03 51:56

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 51:58

Oh, you know there's no one else for me, baby girl.

SPEAKER_03 52:01

I know we're home at. Shut up. Bitch.

SPEAKER_00 52:10

He like, he like, he like, you know this dick made for you. There's no you're the best thing in the world.

SPEAKER_03 52:15

Yeah, this is what this is just what shitty guys say during sex.

SPEAKER_00 52:18

Yeah, well that's what he's doing.

SPEAKER_03 52:19

You're the only person for me, baby.

SPEAKER_00 52:21

Um, and then but at the end, he's like, I don't care how many guys you fucked, you can fuck everyone, and like, I still only want you. And she's like, wait a minute, what? And he's like, aha. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 52:30

Nice. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:32

And she's like, what? He goes, haha, never mind.

SPEAKER_03 52:34

Um He's like, I cut a little I cut a little peephole in your closet door. I'm just gonna go in there, and you can bring guys over as often as you want.

SPEAKER_00 52:45

Uh so after they bone, yes, he's like, I'm in love with this bitch.

SPEAKER_03 52:53

No.

SPEAKER_00 52:54

And she's like, we're just having sex, like this doesn't mean anything.

SPEAKER_03 52:58

No, he's not in love. She's just providing an apartment for him.

SPEAKER_00 53:02

That's what love is for some men. No. Um, he's like, I can't wait till we continue therapy. Like, we're really gonna work on this relationship, like, it's gonna be so good this time. And she's like, Whoa, bitch. Uh, this isn't happening. And so she gets so freaked out, she like gets up and gets dressed and leaves and has to go for a walk.

SPEAKER_03 53:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 53:21

When she's out on a walk, she like has a panic attack because she realizes that she cares about him.

SPEAKER_03 53:26

No.

SPEAKER_00 53:27

And she's really scared that the zombie thing is only temporary and eventually it'll wear off, and then he's just gonna be like dead, dead.

SPEAKER_03 53:34

He'll be cured of being zombie. Oh, and and he'll die.

SPEAKER_00 53:36

He'll die because he's dead.

SPEAKER_03 53:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um well that would be fine.

SPEAKER_00 53:41

I okay.

SPEAKER_03 53:42

Um I would be fine with that.

SPEAKER_00 53:44

Uh she goes back home, and because the therapist was like, You guys need to work on your communication, he's like, hey, like, let's talk. What's going on?

SPEAKER_03 53:52

Let's chat.

SPEAKER_00 53:53

And she's like, I'm really scared that like this zombie thing is only temporary. And he's like, Ooh, so you care about me? And she's like, shut up. That's what she says. And he's like, Well, I understand. Like, I'll do some research on that. Like, I don't want you to be concerned about that. Um, and we can go to therapy in the meantime. Maybe you'd even talk about that and how that would feel for you. Uh, this gets her to agree to start going to therapy again.

SPEAKER_03 54:18

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 54:18

Okay, therapy, they're still talking about communication. The therapist is like, Jen, why don't you communicate your feelings? And she's like, I do. And Adam's like, not really. And then the therapist is like, Good job, Adam. You love communicating your feelings. Which makes Jen want to be again like, I don't want to go to therapy. She said I'm doing a bad job.

unknown 54:35

Um.

SPEAKER_00 54:37

Which is like, I get it, but also, um, not really. Uh, after that, she's like, Okay, I guess I'll work on communication with you, and then they bone some more. Whatever. Cool. Uh, Adam is really into not being allowed to nut.

SPEAKER_03 54:51

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 54:52

And eating pussy.

SPEAKER_03 54:54

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 54:55

He's like, don't she's like, should I take a shower? He's like, don't, I like it flavorful.

SPEAKER_03 54:59

Okay, I'm really feeling Adam right now.

SPEAKER_00 55:01

GC!

SPEAKER_03 55:03

No, that's how you're supposed to do that. That's like if you uh that's like if you get like a delicious steak and then you try to rub off all the like the seasonings and whatnot.

SPEAKER_00 55:14

Don't describe coochie's sweat as seasoning.

SPEAKER_03 55:16

Yeah, it's kind of like seasoning for a beautiful steak. I'll stand by that.

SPEAKER_00 55:22

No, don't stand by that.

SPEAKER_03 55:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 55:26

It's provide it's providing the ooh mommy flavor.

SPEAKER_00 55:29

Oh my god. He comes back and he's like, haha, I found this app, and she's like, what app is that? And it's it's called like Third Fang or something.

SPEAKER_03 55:38

No. We're gonna go to we're gonna go to monster bars and we're gonna be like, oh, like me and my zombie boy me and my zombie situationship love your vibe.

SPEAKER_05 55:50

That's what it is. No.

SPEAKER_01 55:54

No.

SPEAKER_00 55:55

It's an app for finding exclusively monster thirds, to which my only question is, is like, what's the morality of this? This seems like monster fetishism.

SPEAKER_03 56:05

It's definitely monster fetishism.

SPEAKER_00 56:07

Which like doesn't seem appropriate.

SPEAKER_03 56:09

Seems pretty inappropriate for sure.

SPEAKER_00 56:10

Um he's like, do you want to take a look at this? She's like, I don't know. He's like, okay, well, you don't have to if you don't want to. I just like, she's like, you would really be okay with this? He's like, yeah, dead ass. I would love this shit. Um he really wants to see this bitch get fucking uh pounded.

SPEAKER_03 56:23

Yeah, I'm looking for some uh for some BZC, some big zombie cock.

SPEAKER_00 56:30

He's like, ooh, you could take that big dildo. Uh at one point in time, I skipped over this because we don't need all this ex, but he has her remove his dick.

SPEAKER_03 56:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 56:40

Sew on the giant dildo he bought her.

SPEAKER_03 56:42

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 56:43

And bones her with that.

SPEAKER_03 56:44

Surely that provides no sensation for him.

SPEAKER_00 56:47

It doesn't, but he's just really into it.

SPEAKER_03 56:49

He just likes doing that for her.

SPEAKER_00 56:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 56:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 56:52

Sure. So that makes him be like, ooh, you could take a big Minotaur dick, which I'm like, again, I'm like racially, I don't know how I'm feeling about this.

SPEAKER_03 57:00

Do you love the age? Because again, this is like this does feel like a little racialized, for sure, to some extent. So I do it like the the I mean like the comparison obviously here is like having sex with your white girlfriend and being like, you could take a big black cop. Doctor, exactly!

SPEAKER_00 57:20

And like, and like he's like finding he's like finding like it's like finding like an app for finding like exclusively black men to be your third, which is like whoa bitch. Like it seems fucked. It seems like really crazy inappropriate. And so he's like really into this. And on the one hand, I'm like, go off king, like you're secure in your relationship, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 57:41

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00 57:42

But also, this is fucked.

SPEAKER_03 57:43

Yeah, hey, uh, do this different.

SPEAKER_00 57:45

Hey, this is fucked up.

SPEAKER_03 57:47

Yeah, and it's like experience experience character growth in a different way.

SPEAKER_00 57:51

Yeah, how about you don't experience character growth where you're fetishizing like a whole group of people? He's like scrolling through the app, he's like, ooh, do you like this big minotaur dick? And she's like, ew, no. And then he's like, ooh, what about this like uh lizard guy dick? She's like, ew no, I don't want to bone a guy that's ugly. And I'm like, whoa, that's really again problematic, bitch. And then and then she's she decides she wants to bone a dragon guy, but he's only kind of dragon because he's just got horns.

SPEAKER_03 58:18

What race are the dragons?

SPEAKER_00 58:19

I don't know. Why, why, he's a single dad, dragon. I'm like, why is a single dad on the third ebb?

SPEAKER_03 58:25

They're the they're Welsh. Just a Welsh guy.

SPEAKER_00 58:28

My god. So anyway. She decides to message the dragon.

SPEAKER_03 58:36

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 58:36

And the the dragon is like, haha, I'll meet you out tonight.

SPEAKER_03 58:39

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 58:39

So sh she and Adam get all dressed up.

SPEAKER_03 58:41

Hell yes.

SPEAKER_00 58:42

And she's getting ready to get her shit rocked while Adam watches racistly.

SPEAKER_03 58:53

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 58:54

And as they're on their way there, the dragon calls and is like, I gotta cancel tonight, you guys. I'm sorry I can't find a babysitter because he's a single dad.

SPEAKER_03 59:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 59:01

Doesn't seem like you should be doing this if you're a single dad.

SPEAKER_03 59:04

Yeah, I guess I'm yeah, I'm also confused about the dad element to this. He's like, Yeah, I'm doing like um sexual third stuff, but I gotta like find a sitter so I can go do that. I mean, I guess like dads can be thirds too.

SPEAKER_00 59:17

I guess, but like, shouldn't you be finding a third babysitter, baby, instead of like you find a third babysitter?

SPEAKER_03 59:24

Yeah, instead of you find a new mom for your son.

SPEAKER_00 59:27

Yeah!

SPEAKER_03 59:28

Oh, anyway, so how about you go out there and find a mom that stepped up?

SPEAKER_00 59:35

So he cancels.

SPEAKER_03 59:40

Yes. They just have to have like normal two on two-person sags.

SPEAKER_00 59:44

Well, they still go out to the bar.

SPEAKER_03 59:46

Okay. They're now they're just really going out and doing the like me and my situationship like your vibe.

SPEAKER_00 59:50

Yes, they are.

SPEAKER_03 59:51

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_00 59:52

Um they go to the bar and it's a it's a a supernatural creature-only bar. Why is she there? Because she's there to get fucked. Um so she like walks in and like Adam buys her a drink, and like he's like, I'm gonna go stand in the corner. There's so many people checking you out. Um gross. So I want to see what happens. One of the people checking her out is like a Gorgon woman, and she's like, I am definitely straight. I am not doing that, which is like weird. Don't do compulsory of heterosexuality.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:19

Have sex with that gorgon.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:20

Yeah. Um, but one of the other people like checking her out is this like shifter guy, and the shifter guy comes over and it's like, haha, baby girl, what's up? Like, I saw you from across the room.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:28

And I liked your vibe, and I liked your situationship's vibe.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:31

Yeah, and and she's like, haha, but she was getting creepy vibes, so she's like, Yeah, totally. So she like goes to the bathroom, um, and then the door opens behind her and she thinks it's Adam, so she's like, We gotta go. That guy's kind of weird, but it's the guy. And he tries to like corner her and like assault her.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:46

No, I don't like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:47

And then Adam comes up and like threatens this like seven-foot-tall shifter when he's like a six-something like zombie. Yeah, sure. Which, like, uh, you're gonna lose the battle, my boy.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:57

Yeah, your penis isn't even attached right now. You have no dick. L print.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:04

Yeah. Um, but so he and Jin leave after he like confronts this guy, and Jin is like really like upset and shaken by this, and Adam is like, oh my god, like, are you okay? And she's like trying to bone on him, and he's like, nah, girl, we're not gonna bone tonight. Like, let's just cuddle and we'll talk about this.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:22

Is it weird that the first time they go to any kind of supernatural creature specific space, there's like immediately attempted sexual violence?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:30

Well, I mean, they're just naturally amorphous.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:37

That seems fucked up.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:39

Well, I mean, that's why they have to have a separate app. Um shut up. So they are back home. They don't bone.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:52

They do not bone.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:52

They're just like cuddling and talking, and Jen says, Hey, my sister's coming in a few days. And Adam's like, I know, like I'll I'm gonna leave then so you and your sister can be together. And she's like, Okay, well, when my sister is gone, do you want to like move back in? JC just rolled his eyes so hard.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:09

Don't do that. You're about to lose him in ten days. That's what we want. Okay, Hudson, no.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:19

Um, Jen goes and picks up his her sister Meredith. This is when we get a really fun lore drop that Jen is I put comedically Jewish in here.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:28

Every other word is Yiddish.

unknown 1:02:30

What?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:31

Like, that was not suggested even a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:34

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:35

Every other word is like, oh, I'm fiting, which is like, where did this come from?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:40

That's really funny as like a as like a because this is presumably towards like the end of the book. That's funny to just throw, by the way, she's Jewish.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:47

The last 70%. Just like yiddish wearing.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:51

Well your mother.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:53

Oh Bobby, and it's like your grand what? Yeah, so she's Jewish.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:58

By the way, she's Jewish.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:00

That's why she's allowed in the supernatural spark. What? Um, Adam goes back to his apartment. Adam had a roommate this entire time. What? Yeah. Adam's roommate is like, Where have you been, dude? He's like, Oh, sorry, I like died and like went to my ex's house because no one else would help. And the roommate was like, Well, why didn't you like call me? And he's like, Well, would you have helped? And the roommate was like, Yeah, dude, like, we're tight.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:24

I feel like I would have helped, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:26

Adam realizes that maybe he's been uh not aware of how much people care for him and he's gonna do better to appreciate people in his life. Shut up. Um No you won't. He calls the zombie leader Annie to be like, Hey girl, uh Jen's really stressed out that I'm gonna like die tomorrow. Um, what do you know about zombies? And Jen is like, Well, I've been a zombie for 18 years.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:50

Yeah, for sure. So that's that's longer than 10 days.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:53

Yeah, so she's like, I've been a zombie for 18 years, but I'm the oldest zombie I've ever known, but like that's okay. Um he's like, Oh, okay, yeah, I guess. And he's like, I don't really want to like die when Jen's like 47, and the zombie lady's like, we only get the time we get, no one's guaranteed anything, you know, type shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:09

Yeah, you should have died like 10 days ago.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:11

When you got hit by a truck.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:12

When you got hit by a truck.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:14

Yeah, girl.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:15

Um It's extra embarrassing to die from getting hit by a British truck because they have like that, they're like smaller.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:21

Yeah, they're like at that flat front.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:23

Um Jen, not Jin. Annie and Adam are talking about being zombies, and he's like, Well, how did you get turned into a zombie? She goes, Well, actually.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:32

Yeah, I was like hooking up with this witch, and then uh she cursed me.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:36

She says she had a neighbor who she got into like a fight with, kind of like the show neighbor is not HBO.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:44

Uh, and she cursed her, and Jin, not Jin, Annie didn't notice it for a while until she got cancer and died of cancer, and now she's just a zombie. No, she's just she just has cancer forever.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:54

Well, she's she's fine now. I mean, like, presumably she like can't grow her hair back.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:01

She can wear a wig, she's a zombie. Um, and she said that a lot of people who become zombies tend to become zombies from a curse which forces them to learn something about themselves and confront their selfishness. So sure. I guess that this is not an uncommon experience for a shitty boyfriend to have to become nice after being cursed to be a zombie.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:23

Yeah, surely this is in that case, surely this is happening more often.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:27

I guess.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:28

I'm sorry, it it's just like a curse specifically for like British fuckboys. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:33

Um, so Adam is like, wow, I have learned to be less selfish. This is great. And he's like, Annie, I really appreciate you. I'm gonna come to the meetings and I don't think you guys are losers. And then he's like room She's like, What?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:46

You thought we were losers? Hang on, no, go back.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:48

He's like, Roommate, I'm gonna I'm gonna go out real quick. Do you need me to do anything? I I should appreciate you more. Um, and the roommate's yeah, can you just like get toilet paper, I guess?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:58

Can you have sex with me? And then it turns into the the yes man, the Jim Carrey movie.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:04

Stop. That's a bad reference.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:08

He learns to play guitar, so he plays jumper for that guy trying to kill himself.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:12

Oh my god, JC.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:14

That's the only thing I remember from that movie. Is the jumper part.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:20

Shut up. You're done. You're quiet. Okay. Silence. Um, okay. So Adam decides that now that he's not a selfish, mean person, he wants to go back to the bar and confront the guy that tried to assault his maybe girlfriend.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:34

No, no, no, no, no. To do what? Be like, actually, you can, that's fine.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:40

I don't know, like, calm him out or like fight him or something. I don't know. I don't know where this man is going.

unknown 1:06:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:47

To do what? What is he expecting from this interaction? I don't know. You tried to assault my girlfriend. Stop. Don't do that to other women.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:56

I know. Uh, so Adam goes back to the bar. And in the bar, it's really dead. Except for a pack of shifters, one of which was the one that tried to assault his girl.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:12

I like that the shifters are like hell's angels of this world.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:16

Yeah. And he's talking to the bartender and he's like, mood's really different here. She goes, yeah. And she like looks over his shoulder at the tobacco shifters. Oh my god!

SPEAKER_03 1:07:28

Yeah, you know what they're like. The fuck?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:31

No, like dead ass. Um, and and then one of the shifters like comes up to him and is like, they're Jaguar shifters, by the way. Comes up to him take that as you will. Um, comes up to him and is like, what are you fucking doing back here, boy?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:45

What are you what are you doing here, Holmes? Yeah, kind of. They get like real they get like a real dialect writing.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:50

And then all of a sudden, when like this confrontation happens, the the door bursts open and it's a bunch of cops. What? They're special supernatural operative cops.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:00

They immediately kneel on all of their necks and brutalize them.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:05

They arrest Adam saying someone called in an anonymous zombie invasion.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:10

That's fucked up. And so Adam gets like Adam gets his neck nailed on?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:15

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they put a muzzle on him.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:17

Okay, well, surely they don't need to do that. Actually, they they haven't addressed that in like very common zombie media, you like infect others with zombie ism by like biting them. Do they have that? Can he infect other people or is it because it seems like it's just curse-based.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:34

So there's like I think it's like a stereotype that that's how they get.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:38

I think but I don't think that's how it actually works. Like it's like deeply offensive. Yeah, yeah. Surely they need to be like muzzling these witches out here.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:49

Keep them bitches silent. Uh yeah, I guess. Um so they arrest Adam, they put him in handcuffs, they muzzle him, and they take him down to like the supernatural police jail place.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:05

Very funny that in this world, like, the cops are also evil. They're like, they're like, no, we kept that part.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:12

They're consistent throughout, bitch.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:13

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:14

I never met a nice cop.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:16

Officer, more like overseer.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:19

Damn right. Um, so the entire time Jen had to go to work because even though her sister's in town, bitch, she's gotta get paid. I get it. Well, Adam didn't text her after she picked up her sister, and Adam didn't respond to her text, and Adam didn't text her at night, so she's freaking out. So she's like waking up in the middle of the night and freaking out, and her sister's like, Hey, do you want us to go find him? And she goes, No, no, you don't like Adam, like, don't worry about it. And her sister's like, Hey, if this matters to you, like, let's go do this. Um, so they go over to the roommate's house and they're like, Where's Adam? And he's like, I don't know, he left. And they're like, Where'd you go? And he's like, I don't know. He said something about a nightclub, and Jen's sister is like, Oh my god, is he already cheating on you? And Jen's like, No, no, no, that's not a concern. He wants to go fight someone.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:00

It is for me. That's what he's doing. He's cheating.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:03

Um not if you don't got that dick. Um, I don't know where his dick is at this time. Oh, I'm lost with a dick. It might be on him.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:10

Where's the dick? The cops took it.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:12

Put it in a plastic bag.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:14

They're playing keep away with it. He's trying to catch it, they're throwing it over his head.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:19

Um, okay. So she goes to the bar, she goes to the bartender, she goes, Hey, yo, did you see a zombie in here? And she goes, Oh yeah, he got arrested, but there's a shadowy figure in the back. Who is it? It's a vampire. He's like, the cops are anti-undead.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:32

No, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:34

And and uh she calls the police station and she goes, I think you're holding someone there unlawfully, and the cops are like, We aren't holding anyone here unlawfully. And she goes, Yeah, his name is like Adam Garrett. And they're like, Well, he used to be, but now he's nothing but a bag of flesh. Okay. Alright.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:50

That's um that's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:52

And and and someone was like Again, too real to life. I know, right? Someone was like, Well, how can they do that? Like, he is rights, and the vampire's like, you don't have rights if you're dead, and then the bartenders are like, well, then how can you, you know, be expected to follow the law if you're dead type shit. If rights don't exist, then laws don't exist to me. Sovereign zombies are sovereign citizens.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:12

He's a sovereign citizen. He's doing that thing where like they pull him over for speeding, and he's like, I wasn't speeding, I was traveling. Or whatever nonsense they say. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:23

So Jen and the bartender and her sister and the vampire and the vampire's crew, lawyers. I guess they're vampires are very well lawyered.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:39

They're blood-sucking animals for sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:43

Uh they roll up to the jail and they're like, We need to see Adam right now, like, this is bullshit. So she gets to go back there and see Adam, but he's got the muzzle on and she's like, Can I ask a question for this part?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:54

I'm sorry I keep interrupting you. Um You we mentioned now, like two episodes ago, um how how much like you don't like reading books of like contemporary media because it makes like the world feel too real. Um how does this part of this book feel where they're like, by the way, police brutality is extremely real and it's happening right now?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:20

Police brutality is real in all fictional worlds because you'll find most monster authors are communist, socialist, queer people.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:26

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:27

I would say in a lot of these things.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:30

I guess it would be weird to read a book like this where like the cops are like the good guys.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:35

Yeah, this is like mostly like queer people writing these books.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:39

And um they also don't like it's also pretty like anti-capitalist throughout all of these books. Which, like, dope. And like, yeah, it's bad, but also like I there's always gonna be the It's gonna turn out okay. Every time. Yeah. The cops are never gonna win.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:57

No, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:58

They can't.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:59

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:59

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:00

Hell yeah. So she has to go see Adam, Adam's in the muzzle, she's like, oh my god, get the muzzle off of them. They're like, man, we're working so fast. All of a sudden, this bitch walks in, she's like on the phone, and turns out this is one of the girls that Adam was the trainer for at the gym. Because Adam is not only a trainer, he runs the spin classes at his gym.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:19

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:20

And he went back to work at some point in time between now and then, and ran a gym class, and they're all like moms, and he like knows them real well, and they too.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:31

Yeah, I bet he does.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:32

Yeah, no, I know. Um, and I guess this bitch that walks in is actually like the assistant to the prime minister.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:38

Oh, sure. So he So nothing. So she's that's nothing.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:41

So she's leveraging the Prime Minister to get Adam out of jail, which the whole time I'm thinking, like, this is super good for Adam, but this does not address the general inequality faced by the undead people. Like, are they gonna overwrite the rules and the laws, or like are they just gonna help this one white zombie?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:57

Also, this doesn't feel like something that would ha this that would happen because um that would mean that like uh the Prime Minister of England would have to like respect his female assistant.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:08

Well, this is a female prime minister.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:11

Oh, sorry. Margaret Thatcher would have to respect her female assistant.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:15

Who's the one who lasted less time than a r uh a thing of Levitus?

SPEAKER_03 1:14:19

Oh, I don't remember her name.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:21

She would respect her admin.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:23

No, she wouldn't.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:23

She would respect her admin because the admin's been there four times longer than her. So Adam gets out of jail, the cops are like, We're so sorry, who cares? Shove it up your ass. Um, and then um they go home. Adam's out of jail.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:39

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:39

They solved his issue, they did not solve overall the pressure of the undead. I do not like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:43

Well, that's unrealistic.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:45

Girl, I know. Um they finally go on a date with the dragon.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:54

No. Oh my god. They meet his son.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:59

They don't meet his son, but they like, they're like, Jen and the dragon are like making it on the bar, and Adam's like super horny, but Jen took his dick and it's in her bag, so no one can see that he's got like a big old boner, which is, I guess, good.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:11

No one's catching print.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:12

No one's catching print.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:13

L print.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:13

L print. Um, then they go back to a hotel room because they're like, maybe we shouldn't bring people over to the house, and then they bone, and it turns out the dragon has two penises, and he puts both penises and Jen, and and Adam's like, this is hot as hell. And Adam's like, ooh, I love you so much. And uh the dragon's like, wow, you guys really have something special, and they're like, Yeah, we do.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:30

I would love to find that for me and my son.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:35

A third?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:36

No, no, not a third. I would love to find what you guys have so my son could have a mom.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:43

I like that you're assuming it's a son. Didn't you say it's a son? No, I said it's a kid. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:48

Is it a son?

SPEAKER_00 1:15:48

I don't know. He never we never get the gender of the child if it's a babysitter.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:52

My child could have a mom. A mom that stepped up.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:57

I guess. Anyway, that's uh that's how to lose a zombie in ten days. Uh he likes being cuckled, fendomed, uh, and and and and hot wifing is it.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:06

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:07

That's what actually sold me when I was doing the tropes for this. They were like hot wiping, and I was like, a vom um you monster hot wifing?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:14

Nice. Well sometimes you gotta you gotta hot wife your monster. You gotta you gotta b hot wife out your human wife to your monster homies. He's gonna do that thing. You know that um uh those like swinger uh fantasy football leagues where like whoever like wins gets to fuck one guy's wife.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:35

Yeah. But only if they're giant monsters.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:39

Yeah, but only if they're big monsters.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:40

He's doing weird racist shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:42

Yeah. Only if they're big, thick, wienered monsters.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:46

Yeah. So I kinda want to talk about the wieners.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:50

Okay, let's let's discuss some wieners.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:52

Adam is said to have the perfect wiener that can reach a spot in her vagina that no one else can. Yes, vaginas tend to be anywhere between four to six inches deep.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:59

Yes, that's correct.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:00

So we'll put Adam at what, like seven inches?

SPEAKER_03 1:17:03

We'll put him at a solid seven.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:05

Seven or eight. She like bones this dragon that's got a big penis, and his penis is like nine inches. And I'm like, that's definitely big, but like monsters only have nine inch penises?

SPEAKER_03 1:17:14

Yeah, that's like a normal human. I mean, that's like big.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:17

That's why JC's like pretty small if you ask me.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:21

I mean, it's like big for a human, but it's not like unheard of.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:25

Yeah. And so I'm just kind of like, dream bigger.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:33

Ask for more. Ask for more.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:37

Um Yeah. What was this what was this book like for you, a woman who did live in England for a little while and um dated some fuck boys?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:48

I really hated Adam at first.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:50

Yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:51

But there's a lot of things where he like is like constantly like intentionally putting her first in the second half of the book.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:58

And like not trying to bone her or being like, hey, it's not like it's not about me right now, like what do you need? And like baking her breakfast and making sure she's always taken care of and thinking about her, which I was like, I'm in it. Um, because I think at the end of the day, you can be the shittiest guy, but if you flip it around and you like become obsessed with your bitch and all you want to do is like take care of your bitch and like rub on your bitch and rub on your bitch and like put her above everything else, like I can't be mad at you.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:24

This is this is definitely wish fulfillment for every woman that's had like a fuckboy BF.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:29

Yeah. Your fuckboy BF with your with his giant wiener. Yeah, and then all of a sudden he magically becomes like nice.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:37

He's like a he's like a good person.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:39

Like he's thoughtful, he likes to clean your house and buy you things. He's like baking you breakfast from scratch each morning and like delivering you coffee in bed. Amazing.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:50

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:51

It was a lot of fun, okay?

SPEAKER_03 1:18:54

Yeah, I bet.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:55

Um I did show I showed you the cover of this, and your first thing you said, you're like, damn, Adam got hella cakes.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:00

Yeah, how come Adam's fucking yeeked up?

SPEAKER_00 1:19:03

It's because he's wearing girl panties.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:04

Yeah, it's because he's wearing her skinny jeans.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:06

Her skinny jeans and her panties.

unknown 1:19:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:09

She's about- Do they do they bring how often do they mention, like, by the way, he's like still wearing her pants?

SPEAKER_00 1:19:15

They don't bring up her his clothes a lot, but they do mention that he changes into different pairs of her underwears quite a few times throughout the book.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:23

Yeah, this is Okay, is he wearing her like bikini briefs, or is he is he like straight thonged out for the entire book?

SPEAKER_00 1:19:32

We just get that it's leopard print.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:34

Okay, so Okay, so he's he's like, whatever it is, he's he's still like tr working on being a little slutty.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:41

Okay, he's a little disgusting in many ways. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, but he likes wearing women's underwear. Um uh good for him, no kink shame. Grimacing. It's not that it's a bad thing to do, it's just that one of my exes did it and it was really upsetting. It's like, what the fuck, dude?

SPEAKER_01 1:20:02

Shut up.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:04

JC, if you tried wearing my panties, I'd be so upset with you.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:08

Would you really?

SPEAKER_00 1:20:09

Yeah, your big butt would stretch him out.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:11

No, it would not.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:12

JC's big fatas.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:15

No.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:16

Also, because the ball stink would never come out.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:19

The ball stink would never come out. That's that's a that's the biggest thing, is um all her panties smell like pooping balls now.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:25

And he's not washing his hands.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:26

And he's not washing out his ass.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:29

When he loses a hand, they're like, it's not blood or guts, it's just like a goopy black stuff, and I'm like, ew.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:35

Yeah, that seems grosser.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:37

Yeah. And then I'm like, do you shit? Like you can you can eat, do you shit?

SPEAKER_03 1:20:43

Yeah, where's that going?

SPEAKER_00 1:20:44

How come he never got any butt stuff done to him? How come he never got any buttons? Oh, you want to be cocked and wear women's underwear, but you don't want your little booty hole play with?

SPEAKER_03 1:20:51

Yeah. Also, you couldn't get a boner and you didn't even play with your butthole once.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:55

I'm sorry, you wanna admit something on the pod?

SPEAKER_03 1:20:57

I don't.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:58

If you're a zombie and you stretch out your butthole, would it stay stretched out?

SPEAKER_03 1:21:02

Yes, it would never come back. It doesn't have that type of elasticity. Yeah. She would have to suture his butthole back.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:09

So there's like a string you just have to pull it tight.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:11

Yeah, it's like a yeah, it's like when you wear sweatpants.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:14

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta keep it tight.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:16

We gotta pull the pull string on his butthole again. How is this one compared to like other books in this like type of genre that you've read? Because you this was like the first you read of this author. And like, how does she match up?

SPEAKER_00 1:21:29

I'd say it's very similar. I think she is kind of of the same ilk as like uh paperwork and love love potions and paperwork or something like that, the bug office romance. Um I mean it's like a shorter book, right? Like it's only 174 pages. It's like you're only getting so much plot. I would say it's very similar to a lot of people who write in this kind of like fantasy yet modern vibe.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:52

Low fantasy.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:53

Sure, if we want to go with official terminology, yeah, low fantasy. Um, it's fun. I I liked what I liked about this one, and it sounds insane, it was different than a lot of the other ones. I liked that it was a uh cucked panty wearing zombie.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:12

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:12

I like that he wasn't a big alpha daddy dom gargoyle, it's kind of room for him type shit.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:19

Like, I think a lot of times in these books, you very rarely find authors who write domineering women. Because I presume like a lot of people who are women uh you end up being in charge of so much in your life, it's just nice to not have to think about it when boning.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:39

But like, hey, the uh the the bad bitches who who who uh top from the bottom also need representation.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:46

They also need representation.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:47

And damn, there is somewhere out there there is a bitch like Jen who is out here absolutely cucking the ever living shit out of her boyfriend and loving it. Hell yeah. Good for her, couldn't be me. Good for her. Good for her, couldn't be me, but I I I applaud her, I cheer her on. I thought it was a really fun brush of f fresh air, and I think I've read like high fantasy um femdom from Mallory Dunlin, which was interesting. Uh, but I think the fact that this was low fantasy made it more enjoyable for me.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:17

Do they ever bring back around to the um the shifter pack that uh like tries to abuse women at the bar?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:27

Uh they got chased out of the bar and were banned from returning.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:30

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:30

They put like a ban on race. What? Like shifters. Shifters are allowed in the bar now.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:37

No shifters at all?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:38

Uh I think. I don't know, damn.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:40

Well, because these were like Jaguar shifters, so like they I mean, like they're they have a sign that now says like no Mexicans or whatever. Um Yeah, sure. Are they are they doing that? It's all shifter the no wolf shifters, no bear shifters. I don't know, girl. I don't know whatever.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:55

You have to call them up and see what their policy is.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:59

Do you do you allow Selkies? Is that a shifter?

SPEAKER_00 1:24:03

No, that's a different type.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:05

Oh, so that's allowed?

SPEAKER_00 1:24:06

That's allowed. That's a that's a different subcategory.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:09

That's that's fucked up. Not really. It feels fucked up that you're not allowed to have like you could be like no shifters.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:15

Yeah, no shifters. You can't trust them, they're like Geminis, they're double faced, you know?

SPEAKER_03 1:24:20

Shut up.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:22

If you were if you were a supernatural, I think you'd be like I think you'd be like a shi like a bear shifter, maybe like a beaver.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:34

Oh sure, a bear shifter.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:35

Or like a beaver.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:36

A beaver?

SPEAKER_00 1:24:37

They're kind of jumpy.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:39

Like you didn't even say shifter. I'm just a beaver.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:42

No, you'd be a beaver shifter.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:43

I shift into a beaver? That would suck so much.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:46

One of my favorite shifters, which I thought was the most um unique, was uh uh uh Emily Antoinette, which is a raccoon shifter.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:53

Oh, that's funny.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:54

It is. That's the one that steals panties.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:56

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:57

He's like, you for real, for real.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:58

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:59

He said, don't wash the pussy, baby girl.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:01

Don't wash it.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:02

Ew.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:03

It's him, me, and Napoleon.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:06

There's nothing like you in the rage you feel towards baby wipes. You're like, oh, don't use it, baby girl.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:12

Stop. Lock that flavor in.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:15

Ew! Ew, ew!

SPEAKER_03 1:25:18

Brine the pussy. JC. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:21

That's disgusting. What? You're disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:24

And you pH is, so I guess it's kind of marinating. And that's how it was a zombie in ten days. Which has nothing to do with the Matthew McConaughey movie.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:37

It doesn't, it doesn't, but it's fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:39

At no point does she like bother him in a way that he like wants to break up with her.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:44

No, it just makes him horny.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:46

He's not like doing the hilarious bit with his homies at the office.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:50

No. He's got no homies at the office.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:52

He doesn't even have homies at the office.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:54

He just has bad bitches at the office.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:55

He has bad bitch moms.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:57

Yeah. Bad mommies at the office.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:59

Yeah, he's got all he's got all he got at the office is MILFs.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:02

Oh, we all suffer in our own way.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:08

Was this one at least fun to read?

SPEAKER_00 1:26:10

It was super fun to read.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:11

Oh good.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:11

I really enjoyed it. Love staying up late at night. When I got woken up in the morning by an old lady dog, great to read. Lots of fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:18

Perfect.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:20

And that's how to lose a zombie in ten days.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:24

I can never remember the sign-off.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:25

Have a good, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:26

Have a good.