Ep. 13 - Wolf's Bane by Nancey Cummings

Chloe's former Jane Austen girlie reawakens to walk JC through this alien-werewolf-regency romance. There are magic stones, forbidden love, and two gay autistic wolves inside of JC.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:07

I'm sorry, what? Um, what's up? I'm Chloe.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

And I'm JC.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

And he's JC.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

And that's Chloe.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

And we're back. We're here. We're chit-chatting.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

It's literature.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. We like to to read and and and goon.

SPEAKER_03 0:33

We read. We read and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

We read and goon and goon and read. JC likes to goon to tragedy. I goon to monsters.

SPEAKER_03 0:39

That's right. Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

JC says, mmm, tell me about your oppression, baby girl.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

Yeah, tell me about your oppression, your depression, your repression. If there's oppression, I want to read about it.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Oh, you'd be pressing on that hoe?

SPEAKER_03 0:50

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

What have you been reading lately?

SPEAKER_03 0:54

Well, like I said two weeks, two weeks ago, um, I've been getting into noir fiction.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Oh, still grandma shit?

SPEAKER_03 1:03

It's still grandma.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Still grandma shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:06

Um, so I recently read uh The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler. Okay. Uh, which is Raymond Chandler's first novel. Um he also wrote detective style novels. It's like a detective noir. Yep. Um, it's pretty fun. He like uh gets down into like the the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:32

Um but it's written in like the late 30s, so it's always fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Do you only are you only reading shit from the 30s recently?

SPEAKER_03 1:39

No, no. Oh mm-t that's just when all the good noir fiction came out. But but like it's like it was written in the 30s, so like the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles at this time is like uh guys who illegally sell porn.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

No! Yeah, right, you know, like of the Comstock Laws!

SPEAKER_03 1:57

Yeah, exactly. Um but it's fun. I like these. Um I like that uh in Raymond Chandler Philip Marlowe books, um Marl it's kind of just like Marlowe walks around, and um it this is something I sort of described in Carlova Kanausgar novels that like the not not my struggle, um, like his actual novels, is um his characters live in a world where people are just kind of mean for no reason. They live in New York? Yeah. Um that's like what happens in uh Philip Marlowe novels, is like Philip Marlowe will talk to somebody and they'll just be like a bitch to his face for no reason. And I just think that's like a I I think that's kind of funny. It's kind of funny when it happens. Mostly because like I this is not a world I live in. Maybe it's because I don't live in like an urban area anymore. Um, but like even when I lived in urban areas, I didn't feel like people were being overtly mean to me.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Haven't you been harassed by multiple people just because of how you look? I say to a white man who's never had any oppression in his life.

SPEAKER_03 3:02

I mean, like, yeah, like men experiencing mental health episodes on the train have like yelled at me.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

Yeah, it's because you got a punchable face.

SPEAKER_03 3:09

Well like that's not for no reason. The reason is they're having a mental health episode.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

And they saw your face.

SPEAKER_03 3:15

And they saw my face.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Isn't a man having a mental health uh crisis uh just the same as being bullied by random people in a town? I mean, that's a dude in a town.

SPEAKER_03 3:25

Well, yeah, but like they're doing it because like like I said, that's the reason. But like in Philip Marlowe books, he's just like, I have a couple questions for you, and they're like, get the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

I mean, that's how I respond to people if they ask. Gay bitch! Not the gay.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

Philip Marlowe's uh in fact, uh just in case you forget, it's written in the 30s, there is like a funny part where Philip Marlowe is like he does like 30-style slang about like asking if a guy is gay. He's like, You a little light in the loafers, you got a little sugar in his cast tank.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

Jesus Christ. Yeah, okay, keep him humble, keep him humble.

SPEAKER_03 4:05

You you get to this part and you're like, alright, let's calm down, let's calm down, Ray. But no, I I like old style like these like hard-boiled detective novels. I think they're fun. Um, minus the homophobia.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

Um I I don't know, there's just something like fun about them. The mystery is like ever-present, but it kind of feels like it takes a back seat because like each scene feels like very important in the moment. And then like he gets he's like, from this, I had to like go back to like a different part of the mystery. And I'm like, oh yeah. Oh shit, oh yeah. Uh Chloe, what have you been reading?

SPEAKER_01 4:48

I just read on The Care and Keeping of Orcs by Castle Shire.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

It is the second book in a series of which I cannot remember.

SPEAKER_03 4:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Uh, but I told you about these books. This is one that you were kind of interested in because Oh, yes, go ahead. It is a book about uh the romantic male main character from the first book's sister and her childhood best friend as they go on an adventure together and fall in love after she is like raising children by a man who like left her and never had any attention to raise the babies with her, and her children are half orcs and she lives in this magical society. But the reason JC was interested is because it um it's written in this very interesting style where it is written as if the story is being told by like an outside observer with like footnotes and everything. Um as if it's it's kind of like a uh opinions on a story that's already happening and being told to you.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

Um JC thought, what'd you say it was like a smuddy version of um uh this this reminds me of it's like a smuddier version of a book I like a lot called The Biography of X by Katherine Lacey. Um which is like a biography of this like weird avant-garde artist um who lives in like the 50s into like the eighties, um, from the perspective of her domestic life partner, but it takes place in this like alternate universe where um uh FDR makes Emma Goldman his vice president and it causes the uh post-Reconstruction uh Jim Crow South to secede again. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

I was gonna say, and why would you want to read something like that when you create about Smite! Smite, smite, smite, smite, smite.

SPEAKER_03 6:41

You can read something in like a similar style, but uh from smud.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

What if it was about an orc and a plus size mom?

SPEAKER_03 6:48

Fucking uh I guess it I guess it could also remind me of um there's a Jack London novel called The Iron Heel, which is about it's like this weird uh book about uh this like socialist organizer in I think it's like San Francisco, um during the uh end of like the golden age of like imperialism um and this like fascist government uh rules the United States for hundreds of years, but it's told from the perspective of like a of like a post-communist utopian world where uh they have like footnotes that are like this meta text that are like uh like he'll talk about like um you know like the character will say something like I don't know he'll be like you wanna go home and I'll I'll freak on you. Um and that's not from the book, but like then like there'll be footnotes that'll be like in a pre uh in like a in like this world like freak on is slang for like he's trying to he's trying to smush. He's trying to copulate up in her pussy.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Uh-oh. Okay, so you went too far.

SPEAKER_03 8:04

Or or like what's what it's more like is he'll be like, um, I have to pay rent, and then rent will have a footnote, and then it'll be like in like a pre in like this world, like rent is like you don't like get housing for free, so you have to like pay money, you have to pay someone who owns your house money to live in the house, even though they're not providing you with anything. Um it's stuff like that. That one's a lot of fun as well. So, but why read that when you can read um about this type of book, the iron heel, but it's about fucking an orc.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Which is way more fun. Which is way more fun. Uh I also really like this one because the orc, his name is Tor. It's actually longer than that, but I only remember Tor. Um I've kind of talked to you about this. There's a certain um characterization of a lot of mythical beasts in my books, and orcs are usually like very violent, manly, man, hyper masculine brutish dudes.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

For sure. I've seen Bright.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

Yeah, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, and and this one is like emotional and just wants to have like a family and like be around kids and like and not be like a his He's like, I don't like fighting, I just want to be like a diplomat and like help people.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

Good for him.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

And it's kind of like nice. There's a lot of other consistent traits the Pierce penis, the buccus have come. Oh, gross. Yeah. Uh but I I mean, hey! He's nice.

SPEAKER_03 9:31

He's kind of nice.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Yeah, he's a nice boy. He's a dad who stepped up for the babies, you know what I'm saying? Oh, one of the kids is trans too, which is like go off. There's there's a whole footnote that's like we talk about trans this in the book, and I will be deadnaming them, but they don't come out until the end of the book, so it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

By the end of the book, they're fully out. There's kind of they're kinda they kinda have to be a dead name for the purpose of the story.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 9:58

That's funny.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Which is, you know, yeah, go off. Whatever.

SPEAKER_03 10:02

What did you re what did you read for us today? What are we reading? What are you taking us through today?

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Today we are talking about Wolf Spain by Nancy Cummings.

SPEAKER_03 10:15

Nancy Cummings on In the Buck in the Buckets.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

JC's holding it back so hard I can see he like be like it is the first of the monsters of the Nexus series, which currently has three. I believe the fourth one is coming out here soon. I think it's uh Wolf Spain, Bloodthorn, and Mistletoe. And then I don't know what the next one is.

SPEAKER_03 10:38

Bloodthorn. Oh, like the thorns on the on the plant, on the vine.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

I guess! I haven't read the second one!

SPEAKER_03 10:46

Oh, you okay, so you don't who knows who knows? Uh I was well I was trying to I was trying to gather like the themes of the title, like what's the pattern there. Wolf's pain is a plant.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Yeah. Mistletoe's a plant.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

Bloodthorn is not. Mistletoe has thorns. Doesn't it? Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 11:06

Holly has thorns.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Holly has thorns. I don't think mistletoe does.

SPEAKER_03 11:09

Does it not? I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

It might be plants.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

I don't know, dude. Whatever. It's kind of plants.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Okay, so uh Nancy Covenings has a lot of books. Uh she's known for writing alien romance. She's also gonna be a Monster Erotica. Um, she's known for writing these alien books, which I haven't gotten to yet. Uh I try to space out my alien smoot. Um, well, this is kind of alien, stay with me here.

SPEAKER_03 11:30

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

Sidetrack, but write adjacent. We're going parallel.

SPEAKER_03 11:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

You ever read a Jane Austen novel?

SPEAKER_03 11:37

Uh I've started one, but I don't think I ever finished it.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Okay, so you hate women?

SPEAKER_03 11:41

I kind of hate women.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

I got it.

SPEAKER_03 11:43

Um, like I like I said when I talked about The Idiot, I kind of have a hard time reading like an older style of vernacular, and if I'm really not in the mood, I just can't do it.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Deadass, deadass. Okay. Uh now ignoring the vernacular, how'd you feel about the story?

SPEAKER_03 11:56

Uh I mean, I think the story is fine. Okay, well I uh I'm sorry, it's beautiful and groundbreaking.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

I don't really you can feel every way you want. What I'm saying is, is this book is very like this is for the girlies who grew up wanting to be different and special and only read Jane Austen, but as they got older was like, I want my pussy to tingle.

SPEAKER_03 12:14

And I kind of want my pussy to tingle.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

Okay, so in this book we have Alien Planet.

SPEAKER_03 12:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

Monsters.

SPEAKER_03 12:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Regency era romance societal rules.

SPEAKER_03 12:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

So you kind of get this weird conglomeration of of everything going on and all the vibes and all of the thoughts and all of the feelings that it can be kind of hard to like remember that um it's a smut book. It's a smut book. It's a it's a it's a smut book with a lowercase s. You know, it's it's like it's smut with a story. Mostly a story.

SPEAKER_03 12:50

It's got stuff to say.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

It's got so much to say.

SPEAKER_03 12:52

Um metaphors and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

JC would love it. Okay, I'm gonna do our character, our cast introduction.

SPEAKER_03 13:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

Are you ready?

SPEAKER_03 13:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Our main character is named Celine.

SPEAKER_03 13:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

Solene. S-O-L-E-N-N-E. Solen.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

Celen?

SPEAKER_01 13:11

Celen?

SPEAKER_03 13:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

Girl, I'm illiterate. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

It's gonna be mislead to me.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Whatever.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

That's how you spell it.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Sure. Her brother is Lewis.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

Lewis.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

Yeah. Her dad is Gideon.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

Yep, good name.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

Her childhood best friend is Alec.

SPEAKER_03 13:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

And there's a guy whose name I don't remember, but I know he's a colonel, and we're just gonna call him the Colonel.

SPEAKER_03 13:35

How come every book like this has a character named Alec? What is Alec to people? I feel like I've only known a couple people named Alec.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Really, I knew quite a few in school. They were really annoying.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

Is it like a hot name? Why do they think it's like a hot boy name?

SPEAKER_01 13:49

Well, it's A-L-E-K. Because he's different.

SPEAKER_03 13:52

Uh okay, so sorry. That is a hot boy name.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Thank you. Thank you. I know. Okay, so going back to Sulem.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

Sulem.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

Uh in this world.

SPEAKER_03 14:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

On this alien planet, they're right.

SPEAKER_03 14:06

We're on an alien planet.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Yeah, I know, right? Okay, so those are our characters. Let me tell you. Do they have a name for the planet?

SPEAKER_00 14:11

I don't fucking remember. Okay. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

Probably, but I didn't write it down. Let's be honest here. I was focused on tits and clits. Um jerking it. I was too busy flicking the gm.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Okay, so we're on an alien planet. Yes. This alien planet was colonized by humans like 300-ish years ago.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

When the humans came, they began terraforming the land. Okay. But the technology kind of sputtered out halfway through, so only half the land is terraformed for humans.

SPEAKER_03 14:39

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

On this planet, there are collections of teeny tiny stone hinges.

SPEAKER_03 14:46

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

They're called Nexus.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

Nexus Nex Nexai.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Nexai.

SPEAKER_03 14:51

Nexuses.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Nex Nexis. Uh the Nexus are stones that have magical slash power slash scientific effects on the world around them.

SPEAKER_03 15:07

Okay. Do they have an ex explanation on like they have like science and technology, but also magic. Do they have an explanation on what magic is?

SPEAKER_01 15:16

No.

SPEAKER_03 15:17

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

But but there is a question on magic versus science later on.

SPEAKER_03 15:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

Um when humans came to this planet, they were obviously like super adept and whatever. And then a bunch of shit happened and now they're like lost technology. They don't really have like a lot of things they used to have. They don't even know how to make plastic anymore, God bless. Um near these Nexus stones, monsters appear. Yes. Okay. Um, and every equinox, okay, a monster comes and tries to kill you.

SPEAKER_03 15:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Okay. If your family was granted land near the Nexus stones, they were designated monster hunters.

SPEAKER_03 15:55

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

Okay. So Celine, our Girly Pop, is part of a monster hunter family.

SPEAKER_03 16:01

Hell yeah, she is.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

She has been a part of this monster hunter family that has held this land for as long as her family can remember.

SPEAKER_02 16:08

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

Okay. In her family, right now, it is just her, her brother Lewis, and her father Gideon.

SPEAKER_02 16:14

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

Uh traditionally, both men and women hunt monsters. But uh Celine has been banned from hunting monsters. Uh this is Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

She got put on a performance improvement plan for monster hunting. I guess. She she didn't improve, so she got suspended.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

Back when she was younger and training to be a monster hunter, her and Alec, her childhood friend, who lived at her house, he was adopted into the family.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Uh would practice together. Only during one of these practice sessions, something happened and she broke her wrist. Gideon blamed Alec for this and told him to get fucking lost, you little freak.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Ever since then, Gideon has said Celine is not allowed to monster hunt.

SPEAKER_03 17:04

She broke her wrist?

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Yes. This is because her his wife died in a freak accident explosion while she was working on a weapon for monster hunting.

SPEAKER_03 17:14

What?

SPEAKER_01 17:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

Okay, I don't I guess I don't understand the connection between those two things.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Suddenly dying, sadness, bummer, bummer, can't can't save everything.

SPEAKER_03 17:22

And then like your daughter's wrist breaks and you're like, yeah, you can't do this anymore.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

Well, yeah, because what you you have a you have a bad arm, bad wrist, what are you gonna do? Hold a sword? No, you can't.

SPEAKER_03 17:30

You can't, your wrist is broken.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:32

Surely the wrist healed.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Not well. This is Regency era energies.

SPEAKER_03 17:37

You can you can like splint that.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

She's not good at it. She's the only healer. And the men in her life are useless.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

Oh, and the men are useless. They don't know how to heal.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 17:45

Men are not traditionally healed.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

That's a feminine trait.

SPEAKER_03 17:50

Kind of uh healing is kind of female traits.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

Oh, female coded. Um, so she is not allowed to monster hunt. Instead, after she was forbidden from monster hunting and Alec was sent to the Great Beyond to a nice farm upstate or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

Um, she turned her interest towards botany. So much so that she ended up going to the local university for botany.

SPEAKER_02 18:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

However, mid-university, the money ran out. Her father said, You gotta come back and take care of me and your brother. Get your ass back, your girl. Uh, and now she just tends to the men folk.

SPEAKER_03 18:31

She has like half a bachelor's degree.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

She has half a bachelor's degree, and because this is um Regency era vibes, her expectation in life now is to marry wealthy so that way the family who has run out of money can get money back, so that way they can uphold their position.

SPEAKER_03 18:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's gotta she's gotta marry up.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 18:49

Yeah, she's gotta she's gotta get her get on get up on her Mr. Darcy.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

When she broke her wrist, her brother Lewis was told to step your game up, girl. You're now the hunter.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

Your pussy game.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

Step up your pussy game. Lewis never wanted to be a hunter, unlike his sister. He always wanted to be a historian.

SPEAKER_03 19:07

He's he also kind of has female traits.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

He is gay.

SPEAKER_03 19:12

Alright.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

He's gay. He's a historian. Uh he's got a big fat crush on the local blacksmith. Uh, and he's he's really young. He's like 17 or something.

SPEAKER_03 19:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

Yeah, he's like a child.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

Oh, so he's too young.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

He's too young. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

Is he good at monster hunting? No. Oh, he's real bad.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

He's bad at monster hunting.

SPEAKER_03 19:32

He would want good monster hunters.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

He is so bad that when he and Godwin, very first chapter in the book, he and Godwin go out hunting for the spring solstice.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

Okay. Because a monster has appeared. These monsters are always called beasts. Um beast.

unknown 19:50

Beast.

SPEAKER_01 19:50

And they go out to hunt. And while they're out hunting, and Lewis is like, probably to shoot an arrow, because we're back to fucking arrows, at this goddamn monster. Uh the monster goes and swipes at Lewis, only Gideon, Godwin, whatever, uh, tries to get out of his way and shoves his son out of the way and instead gets slashed across the face. This leaves Godwin blinded in one eye. No! Which basically means he's useless for monster hunting.

SPEAKER_03 20:16

I mean, yeah, his depth perception is fucked.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Exactly. And uh Celene realizes that they are so fucked, she's like, oh my god, we gotta fucking get some help in here. Because like most monster hunter families end up dying because something like this happens. And you guys are the ones that stop the monsters. And if the monsters come and you're not there to stop them, everyone's just dying.

SPEAKER_03 20:34

Who's stopping them?

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Exactly. You're all dead. So she's like, fuck, I gotta get some help. So she starts messaging all of the family, sending them letters, handwritten letters.

SPEAKER_03 20:42

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Uh saying, please help. And all of them are like lol no, or they're like, lol, uh, my whole family died out like a year ago.

SPEAKER_03 20:49

Everyone's already dead. Shut up, bitch. Yeah. She's gotta do that um that like old timey thing where you like uh spray the letter with some perfume.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:57

Um get some pheromones in there.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

Uh a last resort, she reaches out to Alec.

SPEAKER_03 21:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

And she sends Alec a letter saying, please help. But she does not want to.

SPEAKER_03 21:09

I'm sorry you broke my wrist.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

She does not want to because when he was he was sent away, um she uh was like uh I I I I love you.

SPEAKER_03 21:23

And he and I kind of love you.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

I kinda love you. And when he's like, when I'm gone, I will write to you. Uh don't don't worry about it, bitch. And he never does.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

And he doesn't even write back.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

So she's like, I don't want to message him. I don't wanna like even talk to him like like that was that would be awful.

SPEAKER_03 21:42

That's the correct response to getting ghosted.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

Yeah. Uh I don't stop thinking about that. I don't even want to I don't even want to talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 21:48

Ghosting is this is an unpopular opinion.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:50

Uh awesome. It's not awesome getting ghosted, but it is awesome to ghost people. Oh my god. It's it's one of the better ways to just like you know. Know this isn't going anywhere. I'm not talking to you anymore. I know you know what I'm talking about. You love ghosting.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

I do. I love ghosting. I'll ghost anyone.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

I'll ghost only people.

SPEAKER_03 22:12

It's it's like the best way to get out to get through it.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:15

You're like, oh, this like isn't going anywhere. I'm not I'm not even like deigning this with the energy to just like try to like figure out how to break this off. Like you'll get the point in like a day or two.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Yeah, wow you aren't worth the a message I would send.

SPEAKER_03 22:32

Every time I got ghosted, it was devastating for me when I was dating online, but that's because it wasn't until someone explained to me that I could like talk to multiple people at once that I was like, oh fuck. I can like talk to multiple people at once. So like I'd be like waiting for a message, and then I'd be like, I guess I should get back on the app and like find another person to talk to. Well, this book is about courtship, and that's my courtship.

SPEAKER_01 22:55

Thank you for sharing your truth.

SPEAKER_03 22:57

Thank thank you.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

Preach King.

SPEAKER_03 22:59

Preach Queen.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Thank you. Uh so she writes a letter to Alex saying, please help. But she doesn't want to. But Alex gets the letter and he's like, Ugh, I shouldn't go help. Like, I'm dangerous to be around. I'm dangerous to be around.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

Over breaking someone's wrist when you're a child?

SPEAKER_01 23:17

Um because he is now.

SPEAKER_03 23:20

Oh, he's a werewolf now.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

He's werewolf now.

SPEAKER_03 23:21

He's werewolf. He's it is is a werewolf a beast?

SPEAKER_01 23:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 23:25

Oh, okay. He's kind he's kind of beast mode.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

He's kind of beast mode.

SPEAKER_03 23:29

He's Marshawn Lynch.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

He's he's Marshawn Lynch. Um, so he's like, I shouldn't go. Like, it would be too dangerous. I can't, I can't have her be around me. If she's hunting monsters, you know, that would just leave her in in peril. Uh, but I can't just leave her family for dead. So I guess I'm gonna go help her. Uh only instead of like writing her back and saying uh on my way, uh, he just takes off.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

OMW.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

No OMW, just just let's go. Um on the way down to her house, uh, his carriage, because he's like a lord in and of himself, but like his family has no money and he's like the only one left and his blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

Oh, he's like one of these types of aristocrats. Yes. So he's like has no money. He's a poor one. Well, yeah. You is there like social hierarchies around being a beast? Like if people know he's a beast, will he lose his lordship?

SPEAKER_01 24:23

If people know he's a beast, they're gonna kill him.

SPEAKER_03 24:25

Oh, sure. I guess that's kind of losing your lordship. Yeah, I yeah, I suppose when um uh Louis XVI or whatever got his got his head cut off, that was kind of losing his lordship.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

Yeah, you would say so. I would I would say so.

SPEAKER_03 24:41

Um The lordship is uh stored in the head.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

The lordship. So as it's way down, his carriage gets attacked by two wolves, and they attack in midday.

SPEAKER_03 24:50

We're both gay and autistic. They're inside him.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

He gets attacked by two wolves in the middle of the day, and his like steward carriage driver freaks out and takes off, and he goes to kill the wolves because here, even though he's a wolf and they're a wolf, you only gain like sentience as a werewolf if you've been alive for like many years.

SPEAKER_03 25:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Otherwise, you're just like murdering.

SPEAKER_03 25:17

Yeah, you're kind of like in the early seasons of Teen Wolf.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

You're kind of in the early seasons of Teen Wolf.

SPEAKER_03 25:22

Yeah, where he where he can't he can't control his wolf, his wolf mode. His he can't control his beast mode. Marshawn Lynchwise. Um, so running through defenses.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

Oh my god. So uh he's like, that's weird. Like, wolves don't start to like form a pack until uh one of them is intelligent enough, but these ones didn't seem intelligent. He only manages to kill one before uh he he the other one gets away.

SPEAKER_02 25:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

Uh but since he's now got a broken carriage and no guy to help him, he like lifts this half human, half wolf guy on his back and he goes, Where's the nearest town? I'm gonna go toss this bitch in for a fucking reward and take a bath tonight.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 26:04

Nice.

SPEAKER_03 26:04

Um, so he's he's gonna show up clean. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

Yeah, well, he doesn't. Um Celine is worried about the fact that she isn't heard back from anyone, and the next full moon, solstice, is coming up pretty quickly here. And so she's out in the field practicing with her little her little Hang on, I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_03 26:25

The the the Nex the Nexuses the Nexus the Nex Eye, the Nexus The Nexorces. Um they open on like the equinox on like the solstice. Those are those are like six months apart, right?

SPEAKER_01 26:40

I I I I No, there's like a spring solstice, a winter solstice.

SPEAKER_03 26:44

There's a winter solstice for sure. I don't think there's a spring solstice.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Isn't there?

SPEAKER_03 26:49

There's no way.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

Hold please.

SPEAKER_03 26:59

There's totally a spring equinox. I don't know what I'm talking about. Is there an autumnal equinox? I said the word and I I recognize that. Never mind. Uh anyway, apparently the spring equinox this year is March 20th. It already passed.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Oh wow. We've missed the monsters. Yeah, what is this what what what does that mean? Hang on. JC's doing discovery music.

SPEAKER_03 27:22

Uh, is Mo when our planet is positioned so that the sun shines almost directly over the equator? It does that every day. It's uh it's like a thing it does all the time. Does it not?

SPEAKER_00 27:32

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 27:32

I don't know what the equino whatever, who cares? Cut this out.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

No.

SPEAKER_03 27:37

Cut out me not knowing what the spring equinox is. Hell no, I'm putting Jeopardy music in it. So wait so okay, so It seems like this is happening like every month, but like e equinoxes equini are something that solstices are something that happens every like three months.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

Yeah, that's correct.

SPEAKER_03 27:57

Or like three yeah, four three or four months.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

So how is this happening so often?

SPEAKER_01 28:03

Well, I mean, okay, so you gotta think spring solstice happens. Okay. That's the beginning. Takes a couple weeks to recover and realize you're gonna be fucking blind.

SPEAKER_03 28:11

Okay, so you're gonna be blind. It's two weeks.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Two let's say two or three.

SPEAKER_03 28:15

Oh, sure. Okay, we're adding a lot of time on this.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

Regency era medicine. Um, she reaches out to everyone.

SPEAKER_03 28:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

Takes a couple weeks to send the letters out.

SPEAKER_03 28:26

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

A couple weeks to get them back.

SPEAKER_03 28:28

Mail service in this time is terrible.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Yes, it is. There's also werewolves eating people on the road. Um, she doesn't hear back from anyone. Then she has to reach out to Alec.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

Then Alec has to journey up. She's probably training with like a month left to go, but like if you've never trained for like 15 years, like you gotta fucking work that arm back into shape.

SPEAKER_03 28:47

You gotta work that arm back into shape.

SPEAKER_01 28:49

She's trying to get her gooning arm back.

SPEAKER_03 28:50

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 28:51

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

Umdeed.

SPEAKER_01 28:54

Cracked.

SPEAKER_03 28:55

Uh so she's at the anyway, I apologize.

SPEAKER_01 28:57

No, no, it's okay. That's a good tangent. So she's out there and she's she's practicing with her little her little thingy.

SPEAKER_03 29:06

Yes. I don't know what this is that you're doing, MBA.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

I uh it's like a a crossbow but like one-handed.

SPEAKER_03 29:14

Um shut up. Uh a crossbow but one-handed. Like a one-handed crossbow?

SPEAKER_01 29:23

I can't tell if you're being obnoxious or not. Um, so she's out there practicing, and as she's practicing, she hears something behind her, and she turns around with her little her little bow out, and she's like, I'm gonna shoot you, bitch. And then this raggedy ass dude walks into the field and he's like, Oh, hey, what's up? And she's like, What are you doing here? He goes, Oh, I just need to like hang out for a sec. And she's like, I don't know about that. You're kind of nasty. He goes, I can clean off, like it don't matter. She goes, I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_03 29:48

I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

And she's like, This guy seems dangerous.

SPEAKER_03 29:51

Is it Alec?

SPEAKER_01 29:52

We don't know yet, Jason.

SPEAKER_03 29:53

Oh, okay, we have no idea.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

And so, so uh uh she's like, You seem dangerous, and he's like, nah, it's all chill. And she's super freaked out uh and goes back inside and he's like chilling outside. It is Alec, though. Uh but he's so raggedy and nasty and older, she didn't even recognize him.

SPEAKER_03 30:11

Did he not take a bath?

SPEAKER_01 30:12

No.

SPEAKER_03 30:13

Gross.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Yeah. Also takes a while to walk up. He lives if she lives in like northern England, he lives in like Southern England.

SPEAKER_03 30:23

That's not that far away.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

It's a long walk.

SPEAKER_03 30:25

British people do that all the time. And if British people can walk it, anybody can walk it.

SPEAKER_01 30:29

That's facts. Okay. Oh, snap. Um, so Alec is there, he goes inside, he sees Godwin. Godwin's like, what the fuck are you doing here? And Alec's like, I'm here to fucking help unless you want your whole family to die. And Godwin's like, fine, I guess you can stay as long as you promise to try and not court my daughter again. And he's like, I wouldn't dream of it. Um Okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:51

Does he know that he's a werewolf?

SPEAKER_01 30:53

No.

SPEAKER_03 30:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

Um uh they shake on it, they agree that Alec is not gonna try to bone down uh Celine.

SPEAKER_03 31:00

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

Um, in order to like oppress his deep need to bone Celine, nice, he's like super mean to her.

SPEAKER_03 31:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

He's like, oh, like I didn't fucking write to you because like why would I bother? Like, I have nothing to offer. Also, like you would totally change as a person. Like, you're not like how I thought you used to be. Like, you're totally different. And she's like, Oh, I am so sorry I changed in the last 16 years, you dumb, stupid bitch.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

She's like dumb bitch.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:30

And it's it's a good thing that Celen's mom's not like around because moms are the champions of being like, that means he likes you.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Yeah, and now she wouldn't even know that he does actually like her.

SPEAKER_03 31:43

She doesn't know that that's what's happening.

SPEAKER_01 31:45

So she like stomps off, and Alec is like, well, that went poorly. I guess that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_03 31:49

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

Um the next day, uh, Celine is out by the little lake on their property.

SPEAKER_03 31:56

Oh, fancy.

SPEAKER_01 31:57

Yes. Um, and she's out there like reading a book and eating snacks, and and Alec rolls up and she's like, What are you fucking doing here? And he goes, We used to sit by this lake all the time when we were children. I didn't realize you owned it. She's like, I can do whatever I want. And he's standing on the little dock over the lake, and she's like poking on him, and she's like pressing on him, okay, and she's like bullying him.

SPEAKER_03 32:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

And then they both fall on the lake together because she pushes them too hard and he grabs her to stay upright and they poop there they go.

SPEAKER_03 32:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:24

Uh so now they're in the lake together. Sexy style in the lake.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

Uh she's trying to get out of the lake, and her dress is now see-through, and he has to grab her butt and shove her up on the deck. So that way she doesn't like drown and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 32:35

Love when that happens.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

Uh, and they're like laying on the on the on the dock together, kind of like in the sun.

SPEAKER_03 32:41

And they're wet.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

And they they start giggling and they're like, haha. It's just like when we were younger. Uh I missed being able to like uh uh giggle with you, and she's like, haha, agree.

SPEAKER_03 32:52

Haha, I'm all wet, just like I assume your pussy is right now.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

Exact baller line. Um and and it was just like old times, and Alex like trying internally to be like, even though it's like old times, like I shouldn't like fall back into this spell. Like that wouldn't be smart.

SPEAKER_03 33:07

No, the move is he needs to be grosser. He's but he's like trying to pull your dick out to dry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like be disgusting, be like, Wanna see my penis? And she's like, I don't want that, no.

SPEAKER_01 33:18

Uh with the summer solstice coming up quickly, we're now like a couple weeks out.

SPEAKER_03 33:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

Uh Lewis and uh Alec have been training and getting better together. Uh but the Colonel, who we mentioned at the beginning, is holding a ball. The Colonel and Celine have been quote courting.

SPEAKER_03 33:40

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

Uh he's older than her, obviously.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Uh and and she's like dilf. He's she's like, he's handsome enough, but like I just don't feel it. Like I've never really felt the spark with that man. Oh shit. Uh but like she's trying to be polite because she recognizes that this guy's a lot of money, and so he could take care of her family.

SPEAKER_03 33:57

How much older is he meant to be?

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Like 15 years.

SPEAKER_03 33:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

It's like 40, mid-40s.

SPEAKER_03 34:01

Okay, nice. Well, yeah, the because how old is she supposed to be?

SPEAKER_01 34:05

Somewhere between 25 and 30.

SPEAKER_03 34:09

Okay. I guess that kind of explains why they don't have that much in common.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

Yeah. That's a whole generational gap.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

Yeah, he he's like referencing television shows she's never heard of before.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

In Regency Time. The Regency memes just don't age as well as you would hope.

SPEAKER_03 34:25

Yeah. Yeah, he's like millennial and she's Gen Z, and he's like, his memes are still the like why you know, or like bad news Brian.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

Can I house cheeseburger?

SPEAKER_03 34:36

Yeah, and she's showing him like an overexposed JPEG of like uh of like a guy, and it's it's uh it says like meme nos and she's like, Do you get this? No.

SPEAKER_01 34:48

She's like, Have you heard of Roblox?

SPEAKER_03 34:52

She's like, This is she's like, Your your Riz is Ohio. And he's like, I don't know what any of those words mean.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

He's like, uh, I did a thing, yeah, type shit. So the colonel throws a ball because he's like, we should celebrate before the equinox.

SPEAKER_03 35:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Um, and so she goes because she's trying to get that rank so that way she can keep her family alive, but Alex's like, I don't want to fucking go. I don't like being around people, I don't want to fucking deal with it. So she goes and she's like, oh, eventually I will have to dance with this man and it shall be awful, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_03 35:24

Uh, and then what is it with these books? How come the girls always hate like dancing with dudes? Is that not that's like what they do? What they I never I've never like consumed any of this type of media and seen them do other stuff. It's like all they do is they read book and then like uh uh uh uh like hesitantly dance with dudes.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

Uh dancing dance half of what they do. Dancing is dancing is uh like dating.

SPEAKER_03 35:50

Yeah, dancing's kind of slut material for sure.

SPEAKER_01 35:52

It's dating, it's practic it's practicing uh physical connection.

SPEAKER_03 35:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

And so if you think the guy's a hella uggo.

SPEAKER_03 36:00

I mean, this is like their version of like uh of like you go to someone else's house and you play Twister.

SPEAKER_01 36:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

And like girls are around.

SPEAKER_01 36:07

Ooh, it sounds like you know something about that.

SPEAKER_03 36:09

I've played Twister with girls. With girls.

SPEAKER_01 36:12

How'd that go?

SPEAKER_03 36:13

Um, I got really uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01 36:15

Did you get a boner?

SPEAKER_03 36:17

I didn't. But I I was like 18.

SPEAKER_01 36:20

You didn't get a bon When you were 18, you were basically at the same developmental process as like a 14-year-old.

SPEAKER_03 36:27

That's not true.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

Balls and just drops. No. You finally weighed 70 pounds.

SPEAKER_03 36:32

I finally weighed 70 pounds.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 36:36

But yeah, it was um, but they the people I was there with, um, they were like being extra slutty, and so they put like paint on all the twister dots so that like, oh, like you'd get all like paint paint covered. And I was like, my mom bought me these clothes at Kohl's. I don't want to disrespect her Kohl's cash like that. That's a coles case! Yeah, like uh like I I wore these clothes because I like them, and I wanted girls to see me in these clothes. I don't want like paint all over these clothes.

SPEAKER_01 37:03

You are dedicated to the big.

SPEAKER_03 37:05

So I only did the first round when there was no paint, and then they brought the paint out, and I watched like a weird twister cuck.

SPEAKER_01 37:14

Anyway. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03 37:19

That's just a little something about me.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

Twister twister cuck?

SPEAKER_03 37:23

Yeah, bring me inside. I'm told.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

Did you have a chair you got to sit in at least?

SPEAKER_03 37:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

Arms out, gripping the sides.

SPEAKER_03 37:30

Cause it was um it was at my friend's house in uh her backyard, and so I was sitting on like a lawn, like a lawn chair. Not like an Adirondack chair, like one of those like metal, like raw iron deck chairs. Um so yeah, it was it was like one of those raw iron deck chairs.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

Gripping the iron?

SPEAKER_03 37:49

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm kind of gripping the iron. Watching uh my my my classmates um explore each other's bodies in uh in a socially acceptable way.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

Watching Becca and Hunter.

SPEAKER_03 38:02

One of their names was Becca!

SPEAKER_01 38:04

Yeah, look at me go! Yeah. Okay, shut up. So they're dancing, they're doing Twister with paint.

SPEAKER_03 38:12

They're doing twister with paint.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

And then Alec walks in and she dances with them all night. She doesn't even notice time go by.

SPEAKER_03 38:19

He's like, he's like, don't get paint on these. These are little disrespect. My mom got these coal cash. Oh disrespect my mom's coal's cash, please.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

So eventually she takes a break from dancing with Alec, and the Colonel's like, hey, can you come outside? I want to chit-chat with you for a bit. And she's like, Oh, okay. And then he kind of gets close to her, and she's like, Oh Jesus, he's gonna try to kiss me. And instead he sniffs her hair.

SPEAKER_03 38:40

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 38:40

And then he kind of steps back. I know you like that one.

SPEAKER_03 38:44

That's that's real play. Real players do.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

Only real real players know that you gotta wear panties like a bane mask.

SPEAKER_03 38:52

Yeah, you gotta you gotta like eat her hair a little bit. You gotta be like be kind of weird about it because then she'll know that you're obsessed with her.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

If you get a little freaky with it, she'll allow you to be in the bathroom when she poops.

SPEAKER_03 39:05

Yeah, that's what you do. That's how you get women. You go in the bathroom while they're in there.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

You sit and make eye contact while they poop.

SPEAKER_03 39:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:15

Gross. Um, okay, so he's like out there, he sniffed your head. He's like, hey.

SPEAKER_03 39:22

You smell good.

SPEAKER_01 39:23

He's like, hey, I just want you to know, like, this is not romantic. This has been friendly. I hope I didn't lead you astray.

SPEAKER_03 39:30

And on the side, this isn't romantic. He sniffs her hair again and he's like, but is that Panteen?

SPEAKER_01 39:35

He on the inside, she's like, fuck yeah, because that means she has enough to get married to this guy, and she can kind of do what she wants, and it leaves her like a free woman. Um, so she's like, Oh my god, like, no, you totally didn't leave me astray. Like, it's totally fine, like, don't even worry about it. And he's like, Oh, legit, cool. And so she goes back inside, uh, but Alec is gone because he moodily stormed off when she went outside with the colonel.

SPEAKER_03 39:56

Yeah, he saw her he saw that guy sniffing her hair, and he's like, he's gonna know she wears pantine.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

Yeah.

unknown 40:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:05

I'm gonna say panten at least one more time.

SPEAKER_01 40:07

Oh, great. We love brand drops that aren't sponsored.

SPEAKER_03 40:09

Pantine sponsored the show.

SPEAKER_01 40:10

No, Pantine, come on the show. Come on, pod. Um, so after the dance, guess what? It's the spring solstice.

SPEAKER_03 40:19

Oh, sure. So the spring Wait the spring solstice or summer solstice?

SPEAKER_01 40:23

Uh whatever. Summer, it's something. It's a solstice.

SPEAKER_03 40:25

It's a solstice.

SPEAKER_01 40:26

I don't know. Damn, I didn't realize you were fucking out here calendar watching. It's like pocket watching, but worse.

SPEAKER_03 40:31

For the calendar.

SPEAKER_01 40:32

Yeah, exactly. So uh during the solstice, uh uh Godwin, Alec, and Lewis all go out to hunt some monsters to go find the big scary monster.

SPEAKER_03 40:44

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 40:45

Um, they're all up at the Nexus stones, uh, trying to figure out where to go next. Back at the house, uh Selena's there with her uh servants and she's vibing, she's hanging out, and she's preparing to like take care of people's uh wounds if they come back with them. When all of a sudden there's a knock at the door, and she's like, uh, there shouldn't be a fucking knock at the door. Everyone should be home, hidden away, because it's fucking monster time.

SPEAKER_02 41:07

Hello?

SPEAKER_01 41:08

Um, but she's like, Okay, I guess we'll open up the door. And outside the door is uh the local blacksmith, who of course Lewis has a crush on.

SPEAKER_03 41:15

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:16

And Jace, who I haven't introduced yet, but he is the colonel's uh nephew.

SPEAKER_03 41:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 41:22

Um is he hot? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

Um canonically, yes. Um so he's like, hey, Lewis was outside, not Lewis, sorry. The blacksmith. Okay, name is Miles.

SPEAKER_03 41:37

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 41:38

The blacksmith is outside trying to deliver something to your house when he got attacked, and I had to bring him here because we were way too far from my fight uh uncle's house, and this would have been faster. And she's like, Yeah, totally, bring him in. Like, I know this guy, we gotta take care of him.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 41:52

So she brings him in, she's like, Hey Miles, what happened? And he's like, I don't know, something got me. I was trying to bring uh uh Lewis this Kevlar shirt I made him. Oh, sure. Which is very high technological uh reach here. He basically just created fucking time travel for these bitches.

SPEAKER_03 42:11

Yeah, he's for to to give to your crush.

SPEAKER_01 42:14

Yeah. Uh crushes know Kevlar Vest is the best move.

SPEAKER_03 42:17

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_01 42:18

Up to why my anniversary gift is always Kevlar Vest.

SPEAKER_02 42:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:21

Um and so she's taking care of him because uh Miles is bleeding out a lot and he's freaking out, and Jace is freaking out. But in the scuffle, she realizes that they left the front door open and she's like, Oh fuck. So she goes and closes the front door and she has to run down to like her her botanist little medicine cabinet. When she comes up the stairs, she runs into the colonel. She's like, What the fuck are you doing here? And he's like, Oh, sorry, I had to come find my nephew, because you know it's the monster time, and he didn't come home. She's like, Yeah, whatever, I got someone bleeding out in the other room, I gotta go fucking deal with that. Uh whatever. Only when she gets back to the room where her little bleeding out patient is, uh, Jace is gone. He's he's nowhere to be found. And and when she turns around, the colonel isn't there, and it's just her and the blacksmith. Then, yes, as she's sitting there taking care of the blacksmith, a giant werewolf busts in through the window.

SPEAKER_03 43:18

Yes. Yes. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:20

And he's like, the the the werewolf is like being all big and scary, but he's not like swiping at her or trying to bite her. And uh Celine's like, oh my god, I think this werewolf is maybe trying to communicate. So she's a special girl.

SPEAKER_03 43:34

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:34

She's like, What are you trying to say? Maybe I could help you.

SPEAKER_03 43:38

She starts doing the thing from uh Avengers Age of Ultron where she's like, the sun's getting real low.

SPEAKER_01 43:44

Well, she starts trying to like talk to him, but the werewolf like keeps like bucking at her and keeps like wolf elite wolfily laughing every single time she gets scared.

SPEAKER_03 43:53

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

She's like, You're a dick.

SPEAKER_03 43:56

You kind of suck, dude.

SPEAKER_01 43:57

You're kind of a dick. Um

SPEAKER_03 44:00

Is it Alec? Is this Alec?

SPEAKER_01 44:02

We don't know yet. But then, behind her, through the library doors, because they're in the library, bursts in Alec, Godwin, and Lewis, and they're like, We gotta get the werewolf. And so Alec jumps on the werewolf's back with a silver dagger. Because silver hurts werewolves.

SPEAKER_02 44:22

Yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_01 44:23

And stabs him a bunch, but it doesn't seem to affect him.

SPEAKER_02 44:25

Okay. Because he's That's not good.

SPEAKER_01 44:26

Yeah, I know. So then Godwin, with his one shitty eye, I don't know why they gave him the fucking crossbow, but they did. Um goes to shoot the werewolf and it just goes through Alec's shoulder instead. And he's like, What the fuck, dude? And the dad's like, sorry, my bad. Um, and eventually Celine gets so fed up of this wolf being in her house and like trying to scare her that she starts beating him with like a silver platter.

SPEAKER_03 44:51

Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_01 44:52

Um, and I guess the the monster gets like a little irritated and just like shakes everyone off and leaves.

SPEAKER_03 45:00

It sucks here.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

Bibes off! Uh, and and so they they wander off. Uh eventually, uh after that, uh Alec is so full of adrenaline that he rushes to Salin and gives her a big old smooch.

SPEAKER_03 45:14

Oh, he's not supposed to do that.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

Right in front of her dad.

SPEAKER_03 45:17

Yeah, definitely not in front of that guy.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

And instead of like saying anything, the dad's like, alright, well, me and Lewis are gonna go look for the monster, and Alec, you should stay here uh so it doesn't come back.

SPEAKER_03 45:29

What did you make? Mm-hmm. That happened.

SPEAKER_01 45:32

Millennial humor. Yeah. Old mint humor.

SPEAKER_03 45:35

Millennial dad Godwin. Um, so Um, was that a freaking doggo? Yeah, my god.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

Can I pet that dog?

SPEAKER_03 45:45

Yeah, where'd that pupper go? So what happens next?

SPEAKER_01 45:50

So Selena's like, well, we can't stay in the library, so I'm gonna take the blacksmith up to one of our guest rooms, and I'm going to uh take care of him up there. Uh Alec like closes the door behind her and is like, you stay in there, I'm gonna stay out here and guard. Uh while she's in there, she finds a book about like how to identify people with the curse of the beast or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 46:11

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:12

And she's flipping through and she's like, they growl. Alec growls.

SPEAKER_03 46:16

Their name is Alec.

SPEAKER_01 46:17

They they don't like they get like skin rashes around silver, or for some reason Alec is determined to wear a silver cross as a necklace, which constantly leaves him with like blisters.

SPEAKER_03 46:26

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 46:27

And so she's like, oh my god, real like twilight googling, like, oh my god, that's him.

SPEAKER_03 46:32

Yeah. Um, so excuse me, in the movie she bings it.

SPEAKER_01 46:36

She she regency bings in a book. Uh, and she's like, Oh my god, he's he's the werewolf. And she's like, Hey, Alec, are you out there? And he's like, Yeah, what's up? And she's like, Um, I got some questions for you. He goes, Yeah, legit, whatever. Just don't open the door.

SPEAKER_03 46:54

Hang on, hang on. I'm sorry. I just realized one of one of the symptoms she noticed is just that he has a necklace that gives him a rash.

SPEAKER_01 47:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:01

And she's not like, maybe that's just like fake silver he's wearing.

SPEAKER_01 47:04

There's no fake silver in this world.

SPEAKER_03 47:06

There's surely there's fake silver.

SPEAKER_01 47:08

Silver is used to like keep like monsters away. There wouldn't be.

SPEAKER_03 47:12

That seems like there would be more likely that people would be selling fake silver.

SPEAKER_01 47:16

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 47:16

No, this is totally so.

SPEAKER_01 47:17

Do you think there's the capitalist hustle of the 100% done in my mind? Okay, so anyway, he's like, uh, I'll answer whatever you want, just don't open the door. And she's like, why? Uh and I have uh I have a quote here for JC to read on why he can't open the door. This is from Alec.

SPEAKER_03 47:34

Well, what what voice do you want me to read this?

SPEAKER_01 47:36

Whatever you feel like reading and JC.

SPEAKER_03 47:38

Okay. I want to lick every part of you, Sullen. Taste every part of you. Don't let me. I'll ruin you. He gave a mirthless laugh at how he had gone years without speaking to another soul, and ha now he could couldn't stop the vile words from spilling out of him. Half of me wants to fuck you until you can't walk, and the other half wants that too, but you wouldn't walk away.

SPEAKER_01 48:08

JC Coon, why'd you do that?

SPEAKER_03 48:11

No, I would be JC Son.

SPEAKER_01 48:12

Oh my No.

SPEAKER_03 48:18

I would be kind of Senpai to you.

SPEAKER_01 48:21

Would you? Yeah. No. Uh and so she's like, ha ha, totally. So are you a werewolf? And he's like, ask me tomorrow. Uh and and then he's like, go to bed. Um so she falls asleep taking care of her patient. He falls asleep outside the door, but before she can wake up and ask him a question, uh Godwin is like, hey, yo, come on, we gotta go over to the colonel's house and see if they're okay.

SPEAKER_02 48:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 48:46

So Alec and Godwin go over to the Colonel's house, and and the Colonel's house is all chaos, and it is because somewhere in the night Jace broke his leg.

SPEAKER_03 48:57

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_01 48:58

I guess.

SPEAKER_03 48:58

That'll happen, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 48:59

And the Colonel's like, I need someone to go to the capital city and get Jace's mother, my sister, so that way uh uh uh she can be here with him as he heals for months on end. And uh Alec fucking jumps at the opportunity uh because he he doesn't want to face the the werewolf aftermath. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 49:24

Oh, the the werewolf tribunal.

SPEAKER_01 49:27

Her werewolf tribussy.

SPEAKER_03 49:28

Oh her werewolf tribosy.

SPEAKER_01 49:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:30

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 49:31

So he's like, I got it, I'll go. Uh and so uh the Celine is mad as hell. Celine, Celine, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 49:37

Whatever.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

Uh is mad as hell because he just fucking besounced without telling her or getting her any answers. So she's like, what the fuck? Um great. On the way back, uh he's got Jace's mother, and he's like, hey, I'm gonna split off real quick from y'all. Uh I wanna go hunt some wolves. And they're like, fine, just we need to get there, and she's whatever, right? Like he he fucks off and does his own manly thing.

SPEAKER_03 50:04

I like that people are going like wolf hunting by themselves.

SPEAKER_01 50:08

Well he's a werewolf, so he's allowed to.

SPEAKER_03 50:10

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_01 50:10

But like they don't know that, they just think he's a man.

SPEAKER_03 50:13

Like to two You know how like old timey boar hunting is like 24 of your closest friends all grab spears and uh go just try to like surround a boar and just point all the spears at him. So if he tries to run any which direction, he'll just run into a spear. Yeah. Uh I like that, like, I like to imagine that like that's what wolf hunting is supposed to be, but like in this, like everybody is so edgelord-coded that they're all doing it by themselves.

SPEAKER_01 50:45

That happens when you do it on an alien planet, you gotta be cooler.

SPEAKER_03 50:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:48

The ancient texts of Star Wars taught them that.

SPEAKER_03 50:51

Yeah, big facts.

SPEAKER_01 50:52

Um so he he cuts off from the group, he's nowhere to be seen. Uh, two weeks go by, three weeks go by, he still isn't back. Uh Celina's like out in the yard, kind of like fucking around. She's at night trying to gather wolf spawn because she's fucking running low on it. And like, that's the best thing to use to prevent wolf infections. And so she's like, Well, well, I have to gather it by like the light of the moon because that's when it's the most powerful. Uh but as she's out, uh, a werewolf runs at her and she's like, Uh, are you Alec? And then the werewolf uh is not.

SPEAKER_03 51:27

The werewolf's like, no.

SPEAKER_01 51:29

And the werewolf like attacks her and is like trying to eat her and bites her leg and like Dizzle sorts of nasty, nasty damage to her, and and she she like crawls up the hill towards the Nexus because something in her knows that the magic stones will protect her from the beast.

SPEAKER_03 51:48

I don't know why she would think that. It seems like they don't. It seems like that's just where they come from. That that would be like being like, oh, like I how do I get away from uh Norman Bates? I guess I go inside his house.

SPEAKER_01 52:02

Well, I mean, if he's not in the house, it's the most likely place for him to not be.

SPEAKER_03 52:07

Yeah, but he's he can like that's the easiest place he can get into. He's like, yeah, I love it there.

SPEAKER_01 52:12

Not if you have squatters rights.

SPEAKER_03 52:14

I love I love it at the s at the Nexus Stones. They're kind of my favorite. That's my spot.

SPEAKER_01 52:19

Don't blow up my spot, bro.

SPEAKER_03 52:21

That's where you take my ladies.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

Okay, so anyway, she crawls up this the the hill towards the Nexus stones, and she gets there, and she puts her hands on the stones, and she's like, uh, the only thing I wish before I die is that my brother doesn't come out here and die, and that I could tell Alec I love him. Uh and then she like begins to pass out.

SPEAKER_02 52:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 52:44

Uh only she hears a a werewolfy uh roar, growl.

SPEAKER_03 52:49

A howl?

SPEAKER_01 52:50

That's what they're called. Uh and she realizes it's not from the monster behind her, but another one, and and the new werewolf comes out and is is it's Alec. Um and he attacks the first werewolf, and they're fighting, and they're they're going hard at each other, and and she's like, Oh my god. And uh eventually the other werewolf gets killed. And Alex in his little werewolfy form runs up to uh Celine and is like so convicted about her, he like picks her up and like checks all her damage to see if anything's uh imminently fatal.

SPEAKER_02 53:25

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 53:25

Uh and then he like uh gets her inside the stone circle and like protects her there. And he's in werewolfy form, he's not super good at talking, and she's like I'm not done.

SPEAKER_03 53:38

Okay Hell yes, dude.

SPEAKER_01 53:41

Um, so they're in the Stone Circle, he like ripped off all her clothes when he checked her boo-boos, her cuts, her wounds. Yeah, she's mad naked. He's like trying to feel her out, make sure she's okay.

SPEAKER_03 53:52

Oh, totally. She's like, I didn't get any boo-boos inside of my pussy and butthole.

SPEAKER_01 54:00

Um uh uh she's like in his lap, like straddling him, and she's like, you should you should ruin me, just like you said you would. What? And he's like, No, I won't. I will not ruin you. Can the wolf talk? Uh he's like getting hit. I mean, yes, but like not well.

SPEAKER_03 54:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 54:20

Dogs can't talk because they got snouts.

SPEAKER_03 54:23

Well, you well, yeah, but like you're you're it seems like he's like conveying ideas.

SPEAKER_01 54:28

He can convey ideas, just not well.

SPEAKER_03 54:30

Okay, sure.

SPEAKER_01 54:31

Um, and so she's like fine, and then he's he like de-wolfs.

SPEAKER_03 54:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:36

They make out a bunch.

SPEAKER_03 54:37

Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_01 54:38

And uh she's still trying to fuck, he's still like no, and eventually she falls asleep in his lap.

SPEAKER_03 54:43

Can he partially wolf out? Like, can he like can he wolf out just the claws or more specific, can he wolf out just the dick?

SPEAKER_01 54:51

That's what I thought you were asking.

SPEAKER_03 54:53

Can he just wolf out his red rocket?

SPEAKER_01 54:54

I i it I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_03 54:58

Okay, so he doesn't do that.

SPEAKER_01 54:59

He doesn't do that. He has like wolfy internal desires.

SPEAKER_03 55:03

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_01 55:04

But like he doesn't like partially transition.

SPEAKER_03 55:08

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 55:08

He's fully trans or no trans.

SPEAKER_03 55:10

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:12

You know.

SPEAKER_03 55:12

Yeah, I understand. There's it's one or the other.

SPEAKER_01 55:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:18

Not a lot of in-between.

SPEAKER_01 55:19

There's two genders of this wolf.

SPEAKER_03 55:20

Yeah. The two wolf genders.

SPEAKER_01 55:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:23

Manor wolf.

SPEAKER_01 55:24

Man or wolf. Um, so she's sleeping in his lap, they're inside the stone circle, her brother rolls up on her, Mad Nake. Oh, sure. And is like, hey buddy, you want to come inside the house? And Alex's like, can't, gotta protect her. And Lewis is like, fine. And Alex's like, can you bring me a blanket and like some stuff for her, and like we'll be inside in a little bit? And he's like, Cool. So I guess you're a werewolf. And Alex's like, Yep, guess so.

SPEAKER_03 55:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:50

If we can guess.

SPEAKER_03 55:51

Um I'm a I'm like a literally a pupper.

SPEAKER_01 55:55

When I'm literally a pupper. When Celyn wakes up, they go back to the house, and on the way back to the house, she like confesses her feelings for Alec. Uh, she's like, hey, I love you, and uh I am like important to you, uh, because somewhere in between the beginning of this book and now, she learned that one thing that helps a werewolf control their transition is something called an anchor. This is also a mate bond. Oh. So she's learned she's Alex's mate. She's like, haha, you're stuck with me now because I'm I'm your special anchor and you need to be around to control your werewolf stuff.

SPEAKER_02 56:38

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 56:38

And he's like, Haha, I know you're my mate, and she's like, haha, yeah, I am. And she's like, We're gonna get engaged, and he goes, I'll let you know if we're getting engaged.

SPEAKER_03 56:48

He's like, hang on. He goes, he starts posting that shit on Facebook that's like um that like dudes will post about like their current girlfriends, and it'll be like uh it'll be like the image of like a two wolves snarling, but like the female wolf is like crouched lower and she's in front of the other wolf's neck, and it'll be like an explanation of like the female wolf protects the male wolf's neck so he can engage with the aggressor while she protects him, and he's like, This is me and my girlfriend Hannah.

SPEAKER_01 57:22

That's a very unique post, I feel like you've seen it a handful of times.

SPEAKER_03 57:25

At least twice.

SPEAKER_01 57:27

Jesus Christ. Oh my god, I've never seen that. I just want you to know that.

SPEAKER_03 57:33

Well, there's the the other one about wolves is the one where um it's like the fake one people did, where it'd be like a line of wolves, it'd be like a pack.

SPEAKER_02 57:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:41

And it would be like an explanation of like the alpha actually goes in the back because he leads from behind, so he can like see where all of his uh all of his pack is, and then like the the old ones actually are up towards the front because they need to be the ones that set the pace so they don't get left behind, and then like the females are in the middle so they can be ultra protected. Um, it's like this type of thing, and you're like, oh, that's not how like that's not I don't think that wolves have this type of intentionality in their running.

SPEAKER_01 58:09

Wow, you don't think wolves are intentional?

SPEAKER_03 58:11

No, I don't. I don't think I don't think like wolves are really setting their intentions and like manifesting.

SPEAKER_01 58:17

I know wolves are manifesting. And wolves are definitely manifesting.

SPEAKER_03 58:22

Well, that's true.

SPEAKER_01 58:22

There's two wolves inside of you, both of them have read the secret.

SPEAKER_03 58:25

Both of them have read the secret, they're both gay and they're both autistic. No, I'm familiar.

SPEAKER_01 58:32

Oh my god. Uh so she's confessing her love for him. She's like, I'm important and you can't get rid of me. Uh we're engaged. He's like, I'll let you know.

SPEAKER_02 58:40

Um let you know.

SPEAKER_01 58:41

They go into the house, and Alex's like, I have to clean her. And the staff is like, uh, you can't do that. That's not socially acceptable. He goes, Fine, we're engaged. I will clean her. They're like, Alright, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's accepted the proposal. Very quick turnaround there.

SPEAKER_03 58:55

Yeah, yeah. I'm her alpha. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:57

She is the omega.

SPEAKER_03 58:58

She's kind of my omega.

SPEAKER_01 58:59

She's kind of my omega.

SPEAKER_03 59:00

She's she's my she's my mate.

SPEAKER_01 59:02

I will make a nest for her.

SPEAKER_03 59:05

Oh, totally. Does he nod in her at any point in this book?

SPEAKER_01 59:10

I don't remember.

SPEAKER_03 59:13

Okay, so that means no. I don't remember. I feel like surely if he had, you would remember.

SPEAKER_01 59:18

Yeah, you would think.

SPEAKER_03 59:21

We're gonna say no.

SPEAKER_01 59:22

We're gonna say no.

SPEAKER_03 59:23

There's no nodding with the light with the light caveat that Chloe has no memory of anything ever.

SPEAKER_00 59:30

Swam! I have two wolves inside of me, and both of them were abused.

SPEAKER_03 59:34

Both of them were abused, they're both gay, they're both autistic, and they both have read the secret. It's like that game when you take like a theater class in college where you have to go around. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:45

Oh my god. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 59:48

I'm JC and I'm taking juice.

SPEAKER_01 59:50

I'm taking two gay, autistic, dramatized books.

SPEAKER_03 59:54

Who have read the secret.

SPEAKER_01 59:58

Okay. So uh he's giving her a bath. They're engaged.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:03

In the middle of the bath, he does the logical thing to his new fiance and he blasts her shit with his fingers.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:09

Yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:09

Uh, she's like, we should fuck. He's like, no, no, no. Not yet. Uh but they continue their romantic uh endeavor upstairs, and they're he's getting ready to eat some pussy. Nice. Uh when human style. When Lewis bursts in the room and is like, hey, we got to go. Uh the colonel caught the wolf and he set his barn on fire, so we gotta go right now.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:30

So Alec tucks his dick in his pants and goes with Lewis.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:33

He's hard as a rock. Everyone noticed they were like, alright.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:37

Uh Lewis and Alec get back to the barn, and Alec's like, hey, did anyone see this wolf before the colonel set it on fire? Everyone's like, no. And he goes, Well, how do we know it's the really intelligent wolf and not just some new fuck ass wolf? And everyone's like, shut the fuck up, Alec. You're being a buzzkill.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:52

Yeah, you seem like a bitch.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:53

Yeah, stop being a bitch. Well, this whole time there's been a secret character who I haven't mentioned because they're not important. The secret character shut up. The secret character is Charlotte.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:07

Gasp.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:08

Charlotte is Celine's best friend.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:10

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:11

Charlotte runs up to Alec and it's like, Alec, me and the Colonel are engaged. Are you mad about that? And he's like, No, why would I be? She's like, I would Celine be mad about that? He goes, No, she and I are engaged. And this friend goes, Oh my god, double wedding!

SPEAKER_03 1:01:23

It's a double wedding time. Um They she starts like she starts they're doing Regency uh the Bridezilla's movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:31

No, all of a sudden the tone shifts wildly in the middle.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:36

Which one of them is Kate Hudson?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:39

Kate Hudson would obviously be Celine.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:41

And the other friend is Anne Hathaway? Yeah. Oh, nice. One is they're literally one is like good for Celine.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:47

Yeah, exactly. I guess, if that's your goal. Um, so anyway, uh Godwin has heard that Alec told Charlotte that he and Celine are engaged. So Godwin whips around and is like, so you and my daughter are engaged, and Alec's like, yeah. And he's like, What do you fucking do about it? And God was like, Well, I know you're a fucking wolf, and he's like, Oh fuck, my bad. And he's like, I've actually known you were a wolf since I first brought you into my house. Your dad wasn't a wolf, but your grandpa was. It's actually genetic in your family line, so uh suck on that one, bud.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:19

Also suck on that.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:20

Which goes against the idea that werewolves are made from magic. Apparently, it's just certain family lines are susceptible to the magic, and it's a whole thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:28

Well, I mean, in in in like the JK Rowling verse, it's kind of like an AIDS situation, and you give it to children.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:34

So it's AIDS.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:35

Gay style.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:37

Are you saying this is an AIDS, gay JK Rowling style?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:41

Have you not heard this? No, I have.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:43

We talked about this. But are you saying this book is also doing that?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what's happening here. Regency space. He kind of has HIV.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:52

Surely somewhere in space they fixed that one.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:55

I I don't know. We're in we're in Regency, they can't set a wrist.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:59

Damn. Gowin rolls up on Celine, who's in bed after being attacked by a wolf.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:09

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:09

And he's like, You're so fucking stupid. You were supposed to get us money, you weren't supposed to do all this shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:14

Yeah, now we have no money and we're related to a werewolf, which is uh socially bad in this world.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:19

Yeah. And he's like, I can't believe you. Like, you were supposed to take care of this family and you're not taking care of shit. Like, you you were supposed to be better than this, and Celine fucking loses her mind. She's like, How fucking dare you? It's been implied that this family is magical and they're actually witches, but we don't know yet if they are or not. It's not confirmed. So anyway, she starts losing her shit, and when she starts losing her shit, all the windows break around her and all the wind comes in, and she's like, You're a selfish fuck! I've done nothing but sacrifice for this family. What have you fucking done? You're an alcoholic who wasted all of our fucking money, you ruined our lives, I fucking hate you. Be gone!

SPEAKER_03 1:03:52

Be gone.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:54

The speech I wish I could give my father.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:56

I have a quick question. I just thought about something.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:58

Okay, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:58

Um, okay, so the brother's gay. Yes. Her gay brother, her, her grubber. Her gruther. Um, do they have regency style politics about homosexuality?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:10

Janus is totally chill. Oh, they're fine with that. They're they're chill with that.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:14

Okay, so being a werewolf is being gay.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:16

It's AIDS.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:19

It's kind of having contracting HIV.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:22

It is. It is. It's the 90s all over again.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:25

You gotta you gotta make sure your retro lupines are are low. Your your lupine load is low.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:32

I'm just gonna be quiet and let you try to make this one out here.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:37

Lupine, get it? Because lupine is the wolf version of canine or feline.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:41

I get it.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:42

Lupine?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:42

Yeah, I get it.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:43

Because it's like wolf.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:44

I'm waiting for you to laugh. It's not a bad joke. I'm just I'm trying to I'm trying to It's T cells, isn't it? Isn't it your T cells are low?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:51

Your W cells for werewolf. Shut up. My W cells are high.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:01

Oh my god. Um, so uh uh Celine banishes her father. Alec bursts into the room and is like, hey yo girl, what's going on? And she's like, I just yelled at my dad. And he's like, okay, cool. Uh by the way, by the way, Charlotte wants to have a double wedding. It's in a few weeks, and she's like, Oh, we can't afford a wedding. He's like, Don't worry, the colonel's gonna pay for it. She's like, awesome, cool. Sounds good.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:22

Oh, hell yeah. That's magnanimous of him.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:24

Yeah, I know. Uh so the couple weeks away, uh her and Alec agree that after the wedding, uh, because she hates her fucking dad, she they're gonna go live at Alec's house. Uh it's a bit run down, it's a bit dilapidated, but she's like, anywhere is better than here with my stupid dad.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:40

My dumb bitch dad.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:42

Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:42

Is that wait, hang on. Is this not just like sentencing her father to die because he has like his effete gay twink son, and he has no eyes or whatever? And so like, is the she not being like, Yeah, I guess my dad brother can die.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:00

She's definitely not feeling the uh dad, but she's trying to convince the brother to go confess his love for the uh blacksmith. That way they can be together.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:07

Well, okay. This seems selfish of her. So is her dad! Okay, I'm not saying her dad is right. What I am saying is that like early the the like inciting incident of the book is that like she has to like sacrifice all this stuff because if the beasts, if Marshawn Lynch overwhelms her family, then they'll like blow past her shitty family farm and into like the city and kill everybody.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:39

And now she's like, Yeah, I guess I'll just move away and I'll convince my brother to move away, and then like my dad won't be able to protect himself or the city, and there'll be nobody, and I guess the city will just die.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:49

Nah, I'm with her ass. Well, also, one of the arguments her dad has when he comes in and yells at her is like, you're gonna degrade this family by being with something like that. She's like, It's a fucking person, dad! He's doing racism.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:02

Oh, nice. About wolves. It's homophobia.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:06

That's complicated. The homophobic cis man being married.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:10

You can be bisexual.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:12

You're right, you're right, my bad, my bad, my bad. That was mad biphobic of South The Wedding like a week away, eventually Godwin's like, I guess I should make amends. Uh so he tries to like get Selene to forgive him by very clearly like finding some old technology that's meant to be a Kindle and trying to fix it for her.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:31

And she's like He's like my daughter kind of she she likes Reed.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:37

She likes Reed, so I make read. And like he says something wrong of like, I just You and your brother are the only things I have left of your mom, and I have to protect you. And I guess that's good enough as an apology, because she's like, I bet. Uh oh, that's fine. And then and then he goes up to to Alec and he's like, I won't fight it as long as you promise me two things. And Alec's like, fine, what do you fucking want? And he's like, one, don't bite her.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:01

Don't bite her.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:02

Two, don't have sex with her before marriage. What is he, Catholic? Regency era Regency era rules.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:10

Yeah, don't don't blast her pussy yet.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:12

Don't blast her pussy yet. He's like, Alright, sorry, I was kind of racist.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:16

He he he calls him whatever the werewolf version of the F slur is.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:20

Yes, exactly. For the next week, all they do is Celine tries to get Alec to fuck before the wedding, and Alec's like, no, we can't, I promise your dad. She's like, fuck my dad. Uh eventually it's the time of the wedding. The wedding happens, uh, it happens without any description. We just get the post-wedding description.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:41

Oh, nice. And they're about to, it's time to fuck.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:43

It's the post-wedding. Uh, it's at the colonel's house. Uh, everyone is there having a grand old time. And after the ceremony, Charlotte takes Alec and Celine aside and brings them into the Colonel's office to be like, you guys, come here, I want you to see something. And they're like, uh, should we be here? And she's like, shut the fuck up. Uh she's like, there's something really weird going on. I don't know what it is. Alec, I need you to pick this lock. And he's like, if you think something weird is going on, why would you get married to him? And and uh Charlotte's like, don't ask questions.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:15

Don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:16

Don't ask questions, don't worry about it. Charlotte's up to stuff. Charlotte's she's hustling. Good for her. Um so Alec is like, hey, okay, I'll open up this drawer. And they open up the drawer and it's a map to Celine's house with like X's around it and like very detailed floor plans, and they're like, What the fuck is this? Um and then the Colonel bursts into the office and he's like, What you guys looking at? And they turn around and they pretend like they're looking at a globe of earth to be like, damn, there was hella water on there. That's crazy, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:42

There's so much water there, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:43

Um, so they all go back to the reception and and the colonel and Alex start talking, and the colonel starts asking kind of weird questions, like, So when did you realize uh Celine was like your anchor? And Alex's like, Oh, no, a couple weeks ago, and then he's like, uh, I didn't really mean to say that, like, don't worry about it. And he's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Uh, so when did you like first get bitten? And he's like, So we're out in the wastelands, and he's like, wait a minute, why am I telling you all this stuff?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:06

And the colonel's like Because I'm kind of an alpha.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:10

Not the alpha. Um, and and then the alpha.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:17

We're wolves. We own the owner, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:21

No, I know. No, not the hump! Don't air up to the Disney song. Right, you gotta. So anyway, uh Alec is looking at the Colonel after he is like talking about all this shit. He's like, oh my god, you're the wolf. And the colonel's like, fucking duh. He's like, why do I keep talking?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:38

Because duh, I'm the only other named character. Yeah, exactly. Nobody else it could be.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:44

And the the the Alec is like, what did why am I telling you shit? And the Colonel's like, oh, I fucking drugged everything at this in this this reception with wolf's mane, because it lowers your inhibitions as a wolf.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:57

Oh, sure. And is it lowering his inhibitions as a wolf?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:00

It seems like he's not eaten anything.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:02

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:03

Uh, and then all of a sudden, you know who wolfs out?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:06

Is it the colonel? Is it Alec?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:09

It's Miles. Oh, Miles The blacksmith. Yeah, the blacksmith wolfs out all of a sudden and like attacks Charlotte. And the Colonel's sitting there looking at Charlotte and he goes, What the fuck? What's wrong with you? And she goes, Excuse me? And he's like, I thought that like if I saw you almost die, I would care and that would make you my anchor, but I just don't care. And so he like turns away to be like, I'm not gonna help this bitch. So that makes Alec have to go in and step in to save Charlotte.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:39

Uh because Does that make her his anchor too? No. He has two anchors.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:44

Uh so Alec has to go in there and and pull off Miles uh and and Salyn is like pissed off. She's like, the colonel tried to poison and kill my like kill my friend? That's fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:57

That's fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:58

And so she goes to attack the colonel, and uh the the colonel uh uh getting stabbed with a silver knife by Celyn, only doesn't do anything to him, and he goes to like hit her, but her dad gets in the way again. Uh fucking champ of the world getting in the way of every werewolf.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:14

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:15

And then uh at that moment, the werewolf like he's gonna win, and he's gonna go kill kill Celine, and then Lewis grabs a magical sword off the wall and stabs him through the back.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:24

What do you mean a magical sword?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:25

There's magical swords.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:26

Okay. Um with what? What do you mean with what? Like, I guess I'm still confused on what is magic in this world.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:35

I would assume stay with me here.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:38

It's a akin to like dark matter.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:42

What?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:44

Okay, sure. We're like magic as an end uh uh uh Is it like um you know those TikTok accounts where they'll show someone like um do doing like something that looks crazy and you can tell it's just fake, but uh it'll be like physics, and you're like, well, this isn't physics.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:03

So okay, like chemistry or something. I guess we're coming to a screeching halt, uh mid-climax to explain some things here.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:09

Oh, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:10

No no no no no no no no no you did this, you're gonna hear the explanation.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:14

Okay, so the magic in the stones, they say, does transformations of three things.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:21

Transformation of the form, which creates the werewolf.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:25

Transformation of the metabolism, which creates vampires.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:29

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:30

And transportation transportation, transformation of matter, which creates witches.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:37

So it is magic in the sense that it is not understood, but it is believed that the energy put out by the stones causes mutations in different parts of people.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:48

Okay, it's it's it's like enriched uranium.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:50

Kinda.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:51

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:51

Yeah. So I guess he's got like a radioactive sword.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:54

Uh uh, like imagined dragons.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:57

Radioactive.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:58

Radioactive.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:59

Yeah. So he's stabs anyway, picking up back in my climax here.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:03

I'm sorry, he stabs him with a magic sword.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:04

He stabs him with a magic sword. This does not kill the werewolf, but it slows him down enough that all the other villagers grab their weapons and go to to kill the wolf.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:11

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:14

So, uh, upon creating the the the domino that kills the colonel, uh, Lewis meticulously, while while uh Alex on top of him, creates like a silverware circle around Miles the blacksmith, that way he can't leave.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:31

Nice. That's funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:33

And he's like, hey, bud, I need you to stay in there. And Miles is like, someone needs to fucking kill me. I don't want to be a werewolf. This is bullshit, this is scary. And Alex like, sorry, bro, not gonna be me. I I can't kill you, it's not that bad if you find the right person.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:48

I wanna kiss you, wolf style.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:50

And and Miles is like, I'm never gonna find the right person. And then Lewis, because he's a 17-year-old boy with a crush on a 20-something-year-old man, is like, I could be your anchor.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:59

Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah, you can't.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:00

And then he walks into the silverware circle.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:02

He's like, Lewis, you're so as an anchor, you're so mature for your age.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:06

Exactly. He like walks into the silverware circle and gives him a big old smooch.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:10

Gross.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:11

Um, uh uh, and the whole time this like episode's happening, Alex is off to the side, like, let's go fuck. Celine, let's go fuck. Let's go buck.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:22

Is it time to fuck?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:23

Yeah, so they literally is like, is everyone good where no one's dying? Let's go. And they go back to the house and they fuck.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:29

He's like, Celine, I want to teach you about nodding.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:31

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:34

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:34

Thank you. So they go back to the house, they fuck, uh, uh uh d-nah. Beautiful uh they end with fuckies. The epilogue has that Lewis was able to force the anchor with Miles. They went out to the wasteland together to hone his wolf skills.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:52

Nice. Uh uh uh cool uh kind of a gay spiritual journey.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:59

I guess. Uh uh Celyn and Alec's lives are going great. They end up staying at the house with the dad. Uh, and Charlotte is now a very wealthy widow. And when Alec Nope, when Lewis and Miles come back from their trip, they're like, oh hey, we met a really old vampire out in the wasteland, and he's got a magical sword that we only thought was mythology, but he's willing to trade it. And everyone's like, Well, what is he willing to trade? And they're like, a wife, and Charlotte's like, I already married a werewolf, might as well marry a vampire. And that's how they enter into the second one.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:31

Boom.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:31

And boom. It is kind of complex, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:36

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:37

If you like all the times I had to stop and rewind it, I did love that. Shut up. So that is that is that one. It is it is barely smuddy.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:48

I do like the alien magic regency.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:53

Oh, sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:54

It's it's a fun combo.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:54

Yeah, it's kind of it's kind of like um Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:58

Yeah, but less embarrassing.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:00

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:00

Well, it's not trying to retell Pride and Prejudice, it's just doing more Regency City, which, like, hey, great.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:05

Great stuff.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:06

Great, great stuff.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:11

Um how is how is reading this?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:14

Uh strange. I went from reading a very, very smuddy, very like uh girl boss 2020s feminism type book to this lot, which is written more Regency style, maybe not as like old school and kind of annoying as like a true Jane Austen is, but definitely like more flowery than I think you see in a lot of other uh books done right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:45

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:45

Um so it was it was different. I had a lot of fun with it. I really like having this as like a uh I want to say like a palette cleanser almost. A lot of these books, while I love them to death, do kind of easily start to blur together.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:02

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:02

Especially if I read like a whole bunch of them that start to be kind of similar and like uh there's you know letter writing and misconnections is the theme of a handful in a row. Uh it's kind of like, wait, what's happening? And in this one, at least I'm able to be like, oh, that's the Regency one. I got that. It doesn't help that my memory is approximately as long as a goldfish's, so you know, I'm I'm working uphill on these things. But yeah, I got you. It's uh it was a fun one to read. I really liked it. Uh I haven't like I said before, I haven't really read any other of Nancy Cummings' um true alien books, like her true alien abduction books. Um but yeah, this one was a really fun one to read. Like I said, she does have two more. Um I love the cover art for these. The cover art is very like traditional, like historical romance, like embracing the old Fabio covers you would see on those romance books. Uh, but with monsters, which I think is great. I love I love when monster romance books use traditional romantic imagery uh just with like a giant fucking werewolf instead of a dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:09

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:09

Hell yeah, hell yeah. So yeah, that's that's fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:14

I like that it's um, you know those uh werewolf books that my sister gave me where instead of being like Alpha and Omega, it's like Christian.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:24

Um was it like that?

SPEAKER_01 1:19:27

No, I think because there was inherent uh sexuality disgust. I think it's more just like it is just like what if Jane Austen decided to write about werewolves?

SPEAKER_03 1:19:36

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:37

It's not like Christian, it's not an opportunity for Jane Austen. It's missed. It's not Christian, it's not anti-sex, it's not pro-sex. It's just like what if Jane Austen had monsters? What if Jane Austen had monsters? What if Jane Austen had monsters and you were allowed to talk about clits and books? That's it. There's nothing there's nothing like trying to go on underneath, and I know that this author writes like erotica and some of her other books, and I know that some of the other later ones become more erotic because uh uh good news for you, I got principal the covers because I think they're so pretty and they're gonna go up in our bedroom. Uh and one of them is like a Nazi for work cover, like it's it's got titties out on the cover.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:20

Hell yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:20

So it it's not that she's like trying to do like this like Christian monster erotic. It's just truly like, no, this would be fun if these were the rules and this is what we had to work within.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:35

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:35

What if the wolves did not and did want to bond, but they couldn't, because that would ruin her socially.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:42

Yeah. That would be poor for her social standing.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:45

She would never be accepted into society again. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:49

Mm-mm-mm.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:50

Which is that's a fun thing. You don't really see that a lot, because a lot of times monster romance books are read by like queer women mostly. Yeah. And so a lot of times you see these like girl boss characters. Uh, but it's kind of fab when it's like, no, I'm girl boss because of societal restrictions.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:07

Because of the society. I mean, it is like that's do you remember it it would have been in like 2013 to like 2015 that era where like um people would be like, I'm not gonna read Jane Austen. That's not very girl boss. And then like people would have to like explain, like, no, it like is. It's but it's like you have this is like for of like 1824 or whatever nonsense.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:32

Yeah, exactly. A lot of things we think is anti a lot of things we think of as anti-feminist or actually incredibly feminist forward messaging. It's just the way that society viewed women at the time are not able to. Specifically, I'm thinking of my least favorite Christmas song.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:45

Oh, uh uh uh yes. Uh I can't think of the name of it.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:54

Baby it's cold outside.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:54

Baby it's cold outside.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:56

Yeah. It's not rape. It's not, it's not about rape, it's about giving her the opportunity to fuck without having to say outright she wants to fuck, because if she says outright she wants to fuck, she loses social standing. Just like Selen desires fat monster cock, but saying so outwardly is bad for her social standing and would thereby prevent her from getting the social the the the monster cock because she would not be socially allowed to participate in the practice of marriage which would gain her access to the monster cock.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:28

That's big facts. You gotta use your brain. You gotta use your brain for this. For monster cock. For monster cock. Agreed. You're kind of a scholar of monster cock.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:37

I would like to say so. I got my my PhD pretty huge dick.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:41

That's it. Yep, there it is. Alright, there that's the end of the show. End of the episode. And that's Wolf's Bane.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:47

That's Wolf's Bane. We're having a great time. Who knows what I'll read next? Jaycey's JC's got books, I've got books, we're all reading books.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:57

A washin' books.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:58

A washin' books. Hell yeah. Have a good one.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:03

Have a good one.