Ep. 10 - My Husband by Maud Ventura

Ladies, this one's for you. Join JC and Chloe to (loudly) discuss the most French book to date! We are not learning names or plots, but we are drinking inappropriate amounts at French children's birthday parties and having a little affair here or there. The chaos is there, the drama and there, and Chloe is telling everyone they are right.

Outro is produced by Liborio Conti

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:07

I'm sorry, what?

SPEAKER_05 0:09

I've read hundreds of novels. Welcome to Pimp.

SPEAKER_04 0:15

Hi, it's me. It's it's Chloe and it's Cliterature. What's up? And I'm JC. I'm super calm because to be honest, this is our second time recording. I was a little hormonal the first time. I was a little emotional. I was a little feeling myself. I may have had like a little a little sad, but like that's okay. That's chill. We're super dad ass.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Podcasting does that.

SPEAKER_04 0:38

Podcasting is an incredibly emotional medium. Uh whooped amongst us hasn't had a little boo-hoo uh in the middle of recording. But I'm back, I'm ready. I I'm I'm I'm slightly emotional, but like I'm in a good headspace.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 0:55

Maybe. We'll see. I don't know how good of a headspace I'm in.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

We'll see how it goes.

SPEAKER_04 0:58

We'll see what my headspace is like, and if my headspace is like a mind palace or like a mind like abandoned tenement. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Isn't a mind palace like a memory thing?

SPEAKER_04 1:07

Yeah, but like I also like to think when I'm feeling super good, it's a mind palace, and when I'm not, it's like a mind slum.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

I sometimes I'm a mind lord and sometimes I'm a mind peasant.

SPEAKER_04 1:15

But never a mind landlord. That's big facts. Thank you. We would never. I'm gonna talk about what I'm eating first because JC's books are kind of a downer, and I'm gonna let him handle that. I would feel like an asshole if I were from his downer book to like me talking about feeling my shit. Uh so I, JC, you have to ask, like, do you care what I've been reading?

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Oh, I'm so sorry. Uh, what have you what have you been reading lately?

SPEAKER_04 1:38

I recently read a kind of crazy book, uh, which I have talked to you about because I'm kind of obsessed with it so much. Show I'm thinking about rereading it so that way I can take notes on uh the insane world of it. It's Neon Gods uh by Katie Robert. You might remember it because this is the book where Greek gods are real, but also they live in our world, but a bubble in our world, and the Greek gods are both elected positions, inherited titles, and names.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

I remember this.

SPEAKER_04 2:10

And it's insane. Um, it's also like a really famous series. Katie Roberts has uh an entire series called Deal with the Devil, uh, which is like super famous. Everyone knows it, it has some beautiful covers. Um, but this series is well known for being like one of the like three billion uh Hades and Persephones uh retellings, but this looks like a Hades Town situation. Kind of. Well, the entire series is the entire series goes through the different Greek couplings. Uh this first one is just Hades and Persephone.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

Um but about Hades Town. Yes, you do. I don't know about that all that other bullshit.

SPEAKER_04 2:40

That's okay, you don't need to. Um but this one's really famous because out of all the Hades and Persephone, this is the one that involves public sex to claim their relationship is real.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

What's it yeah uh Hades You gotta do a bang bus situation so people know your your shit is real? Uh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:57

Hades has gotta publicly uh uh fill you like a jelly donut to prove your relationship is real.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

This is like toxic boyfriend material. This is like the type of stuff uh your like toxic boyfriend does uh when like your boyfriend is like 22 and you're 16. They're like, babe, we have to have public No babe.

SPEAKER_04 3:20

I would hope that your toxic boyfriend doesn't do that, because at that point in time that's just like child pornography.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Yeah, he's committing crimes for sure.

SPEAKER_04 3:27

Anyway, speaking of a heavy topic like child pornography. Oh my god. JC's been reading a really interesting book that actually did not help how immoral how hormonal and emotional I was last time. JC, what have you been reading?

SPEAKER_01 3:41

I do want to say uh uh tri uh trigger warning for um discussions of sexual assault, and if that is going to be upsetting to you, uh we only talk about these books at the beginning for like 90 seconds, so if you you if you hit the like plus 30 or whatever like three times, you'll be good and chill. Um, but I recently read the book Down by the River by the Irish author Edna O'Brien, which is about a uh a young woman uh being sexually assaulted um and and uh pregnancy uh yielding from that assault. And then it's most most of the rest of the novel is about abortion debate in Ireland in the mid to late nineties. Um Edna O'Brien based this book on a real uh court case that came through Ireland at the time, or the Republic of Ireland at the time. And it it kind of it deals with this topic. It ha a lot of it has to do with the um political sway and hegemony the Catholic Church has in Ireland at the time, especially. And so I it was interesting for me to read about like the perceptions of abortion in a a predominantly Catholic country like Ireland during this time period. I thought it was uh you know, especially because I remember uh for me, I remember when like Ireland did stuff like um legalized gay marriage during the like um mid-2010s. That was an that was another bit they had. Because I remember being in church and I was like at the time I was like shifting left, and uh I remember the priest uh being like the nation the nation of Ireland has turned away from the church, and I remember like really heavily rolling my eyes.

SPEAKER_04 5:34

I'm not gonna comment on the uh subject of that book.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

Please don't.

SPEAKER_04 5:38

Uh but what I will say, is this one of the ones I got you when I was in England?

SPEAKER_01 5:41

No, no, no, no. You got me uh uh books by different um Irish authors.

SPEAKER_04 5:46

Because I was gonna say, if so, I really played myself. I really I really I really played into my own hand.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

No, I think I bought this at um that book fair in central Virginia we go to.

SPEAKER_04 5:56

Uh, and then one other thing I'd like to say, which I think is really hard, Down by the River sounds like it would be like a cute southern story. And so the first time we did this and you're like who's on, I was like, whoa! Uh that's not what I would have expected from the title. I would have expected uh a book of this of this subject to be named something like the dark depressing days or like the gray cloud or something like that. You're like, Down by the river.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Well, she's uh I I don't want to like get back too into it, but um, she's assaulted uh uh down by the river.

SPEAKER_04 6:27

But that's awful. That's awful. That's awful. You can't be like the subject line is place of attack, like bottom ten places for that to happen.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

It has nothing to do with this.

SPEAKER_04 6:41

It has nothing to do with what we're talking about, but all I can think about right now is that scene from after where she gets her finger blast finger blasting next to the dirty lake.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Yeah, it's the same place. Yeah, the never mind. Oh, there's There's jokes, Jake. Jason can't make jokes. I was gonna do a joke. I I should've.

SPEAKER_04 7:07

Jason can't make jokes because last time he was too glib and it made me very upset.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

I had a hard time shifting tones quickly. Okay. Uh, so I'm going to be very careful. It is a very it is definitely a very um at in places very emotionally difficult novel to read, but I um I think Edna O'Brien's style of writing is um very beautiful, and I liked it quite a bit. I like the way Irish authors write. Well, as my mother said, it's it's because they're the It's because they're they're the drunker, poorer, younger sibling of England.

SPEAKER_04 7:37

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um no reason that would happen, by the way. Just it happens sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

And that just happens for some reason.

SPEAKER_04 7:44

You know how it is. You become a different version of yourself for no reason of anyone involved. JC, I want to move past your sad books and move into your and move into your sad book of the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your sad book of the day, JC?

SPEAKER_01 7:58

I read My Husband by Maude Ventura. Maud who is a French writer. We. Um, this is her first novel, I believe.

SPEAKER_04 8:09

Okay, he didn't even check.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is her her uh debut debut joint. Um she's fairly new author-wise. But this this book is it's like really heavily vibes-based. It's I would call it in the genre of unhinged woman books.

SPEAKER_04 8:30

So it's about me?

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But uh I I like um I liked um Bunny by Mona Awad. Mona Bad. I liked um The Guest by Emma Klein. But so I I like I like this genre of of novel. Um This one is interesting to read because we um we've talked about this before, but um like together, but French novels have this kind of interesting um like vibes-based storytelling, where like the plot itself is kind of thin, but like the the the like the plot is um what if like vibes happen while a character has like uh a rich internal monologue.

SPEAKER_04 9:13

Yeah, the French are really interesting that way. I find that a lot of their films are that way as well, where just like you you read it or watch it or engage with it, and you're kind of like, okay, this is a hell of a vibe, but like there's no meat in a French story, and much like the people of France, it's so thin and it's so like flimsy, and it just kind of feels like we get it, you wanna be like waspy and wispy little bitches.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Big facts.

SPEAKER_04 9:41

What is a French story if not a thin French bitch?

SPEAKER_01 9:43

Well, I think even like um what I what I found interesting is even like uh French Canadian, like um uh The Peculiar Life of a Lonely Postman by Denis Terriot also like this.

SPEAKER_04 9:56

They're copying French culture because they want to be French culture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, the French Canadians are just French people. The French people like ate a potato once in a while.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that is to say that this novel is very much in this tradition. It doesn't have like a strong plot. There's not really a there there. It's a thin French woman. Um for sure. Uh it um it's largely like a character exposition and then the book ends. Um so it's for the most part based in like across a single week um in this French woman's life. We don't get her name. Um in my notes, I've exclusively called her the wife.

SPEAKER_04 10:41

Okay. Um sorry, I was just thinking about arguing with you that it's misogynistic to define her as a relationship to a man.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

She doesn't have anything, the only other terms. She's nothing but a wife. Well, I mean, that's what she says. No, I'm aware of that.

SPEAKER_04 10:59

That's her take. I know, but do you know how easy I could cancel you right now?

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Oh, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 11:03

Beep beep. It's me the cancel bus.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

Um the other like main character of this of this novel is um the husband. I would hope so. Um there's there's there's like a handful of other characters. They have children. Um I think the children are named, and I simply do not remember what they are.

SPEAKER_04 11:20

They aren't important, they're just children.

SPEAKER_01 11:22

Um they have like a couple uh friends that show up.

SPEAKER_04 11:25

They have friends? Yeah, they love.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

That's not very French. Oh, they they they love to do like a French hang sesh. There's a French hang. Okay, yeah, we. Um so this uh this book opens with a prologue. Um our main character, the wife, uh is uh Don't start again. The wife is eating breakfast with her husband and their two children, and her husband gets up and he before he walks away from the table, he leans down and whispers into the wife's ear, um, hey, when you get a second, we need to talk. And she's like, Oh fuck. I bet you're wondering how I got here. I have a question for you. Hit me with it.

SPEAKER_04 12:18

Is the husband ever given like a physical description? Is he here's what I'm asking. Is this a bangable French husband or is this a skippable French husband? Okay, well, here's the thing. Okay, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

I mean, like, people have always uh especially recently um within the past like handful of years, misunderstood the concept of an unreliable narrator. But I am going to so I'm not really gonna use that phrase. I mean she is like kind of an unreliable narrator in this story.

SPEAKER_07 12:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Um but all that is to say, she's obsessed with her husband, so I don't know if he's bangable, because the only like description of him we get are from her, and she thinks he's intimately fuckable.

SPEAKER_04 13:06

Because I like to imagine, I feel like we've talked about this book a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Some of a shlubby 45-year-old man.

SPEAKER_04 13:13

We talked about this book a little bit outside of the of the podcast because unlike me, JC cannot help but talk about these books just to me. He loves to just constantly chit-chat about his books. Um, anyway, i knowing some of the plot points, I'm like, this guy has got to be crazy fuckable.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Like he's he must be crazy. He's gotta be crazy fuckable. You know how in Naughty Boy I uh I told you that I love to read my excerpts and they're sex they're sexy, but I like to read them in this kind of like embarrassing voice to kind of showcase how um silly the the dialogue is if you're not making it sexy. Um I love to imagine this book as he's like a short, kind of neb is, like a Jason Alexander type.

SPEAKER_04 14:01

No, I want him to be insanely fuckable. I want this guy to be so fuckable it makes people uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

I want him to be like mega bald, uh he's like five foot five, honey.

SPEAKER_04 14:15

No, I want him to be so hot. I don't know why I want her to be so hot, but just like in my mind, I'm like, French Jew has got to be hot.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

I mean, uh this character especially has because like I said, he gets built up. She she wants him.

SPEAKER_04 14:29

She better, she's married to this man. Look, we all have those days where we're like, maybe not today, but if you're gonna if you're gonna be crazy, you gotta want it.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

You gotta want it.

SPEAKER_04 14:40

Or alternatively, if he's a little ugly, meet it out.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 14:44

He's gotta have like one of those big fucking hysterically sized sausages in his pants.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

She does say, um, I I think uh, and I can't tell if this is like a mod ventura thing or if it just she's not writing one of those. Uh, but we never actually get like a breakdown on the husband's penis. But she does say that uh uh big fans, she sh it's satisfying to her.

SPEAKER_04 15:07

I'm gonna be kind of honest. I I love a penis breakdown. I don't think most books give a wiener breakdown.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

I think maybe maybe let's grind everything to a halt. Let's break this down. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 15:18

So we're gonna say about pink as fuck.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

That's right.

SPEAKER_04 15:24

Um anyway, this reminds me, I don't remember what book I was just reading, but I want to talk about this real quick.

SPEAKER_07 15:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 15:29

I was reading this book recently where someone kept talking about how big this guy's penis is, and she kept being like, it must be at least three inches all the way around.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

And I was like, my breath are what like a circumferencer or like a diagrameter.

SPEAKER_04 15:50

I think it's gonna be to be three inches around. I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

Oh, sure. Sure.

SPEAKER_04 15:57

I was like, alright, this can be the handful of things, and one or two of them is impressive, but a handful of them are definitely not.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

You know what I think it is? I think it's that um, you know how like I can't tell how far away two points are by sight. I just can't do it. I can't tell how tall like a tree is by sight. Like the the numbers and the visuals don't don't like match up in my brain. Right. I think that's just like these the the authors, that's just happening for them. That's why they're always like, yeah, I guess it's like the thickness on like the end of an MLB standard baseball bat.

SPEAKER_04 16:30

You're like, what there is a reference to it being baseball that size, and I was like, three inches around length.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

It's like 27 inches long.

SPEAKER_04 16:43

Too much penis. Anyway, I guess we should go back to talking about a French book or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

So, like I said, it's like freeze frame. I bet you're wondering how to-yeah, and uh, let's rewind this one week and see how we got to this point.

SPEAKER_04 17:00

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Um, so we open up on it's Monday.

SPEAKER_04 17:04

No, the worst day of the week. Well, not to her.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

She loves beginnings. That's a big thing about her. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Mondays aren't beginnings, Mondays are pain. Mondays are pain. Every every day of the week gets like a color and a vibe. Um, it's it's kind of it's like a fun way to structure the book um in a way that kind of keeps it interesting. Because otherwise it would be like 200 pages of just like this woman's ramblings.

SPEAKER_04 17:32

Fucking on her husband. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Um, but so it's Monday. Uh Monday is blue. Um, she likes Mondays at the beginning of a new week, and she's a big fan of beginnings.

SPEAKER_04 17:45

More like she's a big fan of capitalism, you know what I'm saying? Big fan of capitalism. She says, I can't wait to sell my labor.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

Um, she is an English teacher. Um, we never actually get like what grade she teaches. The English ones. It's it's I mean, it's like France, so like you you also gotta assume they have like one of those weird school systems where they're like, yeah, this is like 11th form, and that means like sixth grade.

SPEAKER_04 18:14

Europe, this is a call-out post. You need to fix some of your grade school shit. I don't know what's going on with it there, but it's a mess.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

And the German countries stop calling high school gymnasium. That sucks.

SPEAKER_04 18:25

Girl gymnasium, that's what you do when you suffer and get bullied by the other kids.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

Yeah, that's that's where you that's where uh that's where women wear their leggings and men wear that weird shirt with no sides.

SPEAKER_04 18:36

Okay, JC's got different I was gonna say that's where you go to lose your self-esteem and be afraid of exercise forever, but apparently you were too busy looking at it.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

We have different experiences. Yeah, apparently. Um she's also like a uh like a subcontracted out novel translator. Boring. Um the I'm I'm going to put this here. I'm not gonna talk about it ever again, uh, but like at several points throughout the book, um, she kind of waxes philosophical about translation and about like how like um these like romantic ideals get lost language to language, um, symbolic language changes. Um she spends like a lot of time uh ruminating on this book she's translating, and I don't remember what the title of it is, but there's not like an easy French uh uh counterpart to the the um idiom that's the title of this book.

SPEAKER_04 19:31

Yeah. I mean it is fascinating. I uh I can read languages, I can't speak them, and I I do like reading through stuff and seeing the different languages and like what it is. I think we were looking at the German version of a book I really liked the other day, and the title's just word for word the same. But there are other ones, um, I'm in a lot of book groups, duh. Um, where there's a woman who uh is based in like Sweden or something, okay, and she can speak, you know, Europeans can speak a thousand languages. Well, sure. Um, she can, at least, and she gets all the different versions of the book. She goes, This one's called like Bloodboard, and this one's called like the blood of the night on us, and it's like all these different versions, and I'm like, Jesus Christ, that'd be fucking miserable to be like, hey, this is a reference to something in the story, and now it has to change. It's kind of like how uh I hate Harry Potter, but French Harry Potter, Voldemort's middle name is Elvis to make it work.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

Yeah, to get the Sui.

SPEAKER_04 20:28

Yeah, and it's like, God, that would be so hard, especially because some of these things are just written to be like a little joke. Anyway, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Um, and the our last uh character trait we get in this uh on our in our Monday chapter is um that she's obsessed with her husband. Um she loves her husband in like this really intense way, um, that uh obviously the book's called My Husband. Um and she she talks like she even like in that she loves the phrase my husband because it's like a possessive um and and so she likes telling people, she likes the way people look at her when she like goes to the deli and she's like, I'm picking up my husband's order.

SPEAKER_04 21:12

Um Okay, a little psychotic, but alright, girl.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

I kind of get it. What? When when um when we were engaged, I just called you my wife. Oh god. Beyonce is really annoying to say, and it like sucks as a phrase, and we got married way before we had an actual wedding. So uh that's only not way before. Jesus. I mean pretty significantly before. Like a couple months! A couple? Yeah. Well, when do you think we got when do you think our wedding was?

SPEAKER_04 21:44

Uh it was in January.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

It was in January. And do you remember when uh remember when we signed all the paperwork? Who cares? It was in July.

SPEAKER_04 21:53

Whatever.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

We were married for like six months.

SPEAKER_04 21:56

JC, stop destroying my fantasy I don't even know you.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Write a nov write a French eyes novel about it.

SPEAKER_04 22:04

Write a French novel. If you care so much, I um we do get You like this book because you're the wife.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:13

You know what? With that knowledge, I'm really gonna change the will talk about this bitch. This is just JC being cringe.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

Um we do get two pieces of information about him.

SPEAKER_04 22:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Um he works in finance. So he's like he got he got he's got that paper.

SPEAKER_04 22:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

He's he's rolling in the Euros because it's French.

SPEAKER_04 22:32

No, I get it.

SPEAKER_01 22:33

Um and and I forgot she put this, um, he's tall. Oh, so he definitely is hot then.

SPEAKER_04 22:39

Unless unless unless he's like, we have a friend who texted JC once and was like, you ever notice how weird tall people look? And we were like, yeah, totally. Like, you hit 6'5, 6'7.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Yeah, and then and then like uh by the way, I like that you uh avoided saying 6667. I try. I'm I'm putting it out there.

SPEAKER_04 22:56

I oh I I'm sorry, I'm not like 12 years old, so I don't think those jokes are funny.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

I am, and I think it's hilarious.

SPEAKER_04 23:02

Okay, good for you, Kim. Um, anyway.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

No, please continue.

SPEAKER_04 23:08

Anyway, uh we had this friend who texted us and was like, man, these tall people look like freaks, and JC's like, sure, yeah, I guess once they get to like a certain height.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

Yeah, their proportions look crazy.

SPEAKER_04 23:17

And this guy's like, no, starting at like six foot.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Well, because I was like, Well, how tall was like the person you saw today that like made you think about this? And he goes, uh, six three. And I was like, that's just like a normal tall guy. Yeah. You just saw like you just saw a hot guy on the street.

SPEAKER_04 23:34

So yeah, this this uh this husband fucks, he's nice and tall.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Yeah, unless he's like seven foot tall, in which case he has that um uh I always cause you see this in basketball players a lot. Um like as they get taller, like the the m the muscle mass doesn't really um add on. Yeah. So they have this like weird lanky look, but they weigh like three hundred pounds.

SPEAKER_04 23:56

Yeah, yeah. No, I can I can see it in my mind's eye because I go I love that.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

I think that's so funny. I think I I like to imagine that's what the husband looks like. He looks kind of he looks like uh he looks like an alien.

SPEAKER_04 24:08

Uh in the book with the three-inch around penis, the guy's supposed to be like seven feet tall, and I'm like, uh, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

Oh, that's um anyway, so our main character wakes up, it's Monday, um, it's a it's a blue beginning ass day. Um she she tries to avoid the maid. She has like a section where she talks about like trying to like get out before like she sees the maid. Yep because she's like, I know if I see her, it's going to make me think, and it's gonna make me spiral about if she's trying to seduce my husband and have sex with him.

SPEAKER_04 24:46

Which is what we like to call a self-ware girly. She knows what's triggering, she's avoiding it, she's taking care of herself. Yes, yes, yes-care. Her therapist would be incredibly proud.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Um, she goes outside and she checks the mail, and we we know something's like a little off with this because um she like looks through all the all the mail and then she puts it right back, she locks it, and then she starts like spiraling a little bit because the neighbor's like, Hey neighbor, how's it going? Um and she's like, Oh my god, he saw me. And we're like, Okay, so you're doing weird stuff.

SPEAKER_04 25:18

I get it. Sometimes I do that.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

This is something like I I hate being perceived in like a in like a meaningful way. So like, yeah, sometimes our neighbor will see me like checking the mail and I'm in like PJ pants at like 3 p.m.

SPEAKER_04 25:33

First of all, JC, nine times out of ten you are in your panties and it is six p.m. You love going out in our yard with your little dangly bits out for some fucking reason. It's because you saw we have a neighbor who is like a huge nudist, but no one wants to admit it. And he's not a nudist. That man does not like wearing clothes.

SPEAKER_01 25:53

No, no, no, he doesn't.

SPEAKER_04 25:54

Yeah, and now that's you.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

And now that's me.

SPEAKER_04 25:57

You love to go outside with your panties on, you like to go outside with nothing but your panties on. JC's out there in the yard. I'm like, boy, why do you keep pulling out your pants?

SPEAKER_01 26:06

I have a I have an exhibitionist fetish.

SPEAKER_04 26:08

Apparent, but only for our like 50-year-old neighbors.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

Yeah, only for our older neighbors.

SPEAKER_04 26:14

You really want our older neighbors to to know that you let it hang, you know? Yeah, that's right. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 26:21

Um, she she she tells us like a lot in like this um internal monologue. Um, she has a section where she talks about like um when her and the husband started dating. They dated for like a month, and then she broke it off and she went on like a beach vacation with an ex-boyfriend of hers. She's like, actually, this isn't working. I don't like this, and I want to be back with the other guy. She gets back from the beach and contacts him and is like, hey, I want to keep dating, and then they get married.

SPEAKER_04 26:50

How long does it take for them to get married?

SPEAKER_01 26:52

Uh I don't think they actually say. I don't think they give like a firm timeline.

SPEAKER_04 26:56

There's a firm timeline between being cringe and being awesome, so wait, what's the what's the timeline? I think if you've been dating for less than a year and you get married, that's sus.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

Yeah, what are you, Christian?

unknown 27:09

Yeah!

SPEAKER_04 27:10

Okay, we get it. You wanted to go to Brigham Young University. Calm down.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Um but so like she she like thinks about this story a lot and about um kind of this like um the the situation she's in. She she like uh thinks about it in like a way she wants to keep it like a secret from the husband. She has like very strange sentiments on um infidelity, I think. It's French. Um yeah, it's French. The the Frenchness of this book, because like I there she like the what she considers like improper vers uh and like what she considers like fine and moral is insane to me, and I can't tell if it's because it's French or if it's because she's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 27:58

Okay, well give me some options and I'll tell you if she's French or crazy. We'll get there.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

Fuck, okay.

unknown 28:03

Fuck.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

When we get there, I'll ask. Um so uh put put a pin in No, not the pin! Um uh and then uh she also uh mentions, and this is uh gonna be another recurring argument that comes back later. I'm gonna try not to talk about it until it comes back. But um early in their relationship, her and the husband get into an argument about how they like the blinds closed.

SPEAKER_04 28:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

She likes the blinds like a little open so she can kind of wake up with the sun. I understand this, I love to wake up with the sun. That's country boy shit. That's country boy shit.

SPEAKER_04 28:35

Big country boy shit. Oh, calm down, we get it. You sound like a banjo when you talk.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

That's right. Uh, try that in a small town.

SPEAKER_04 28:42

Oh, JC. That was a reference. It's good for you.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

That was a reference. Um, and and then the husband likes the blinds um fully closed. Uh he wants it pitch black up in there. Um and she like she talks about like it like she wakes up and like it's pitch black in the room and it makes her feel like groggy and hard to start her day. Uh I 100% understand this. When I moved to Northern Virginia for the first time, I I I kept sleeping like shit.

SPEAKER_03 29:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

When I first moved to Northern Virginia, uh I kept sleeping like shit. And it wasn't until an embarrassing amount of time had passed that I realized it's because my blinds were open and uh there was a street light out that was um like shining directly into my bedroom and affecting my sleep. And I at no point did I have did I realize that like oh like I just need to close these blinds and then I'll sleep just fine. Um because I'd never had that. I'd never had to like close my blinds before. I never lived nowhere, no streetlights before. Yeah, well I I I grew I grew up in like a forested area where like uh there weren't any streetlights. We used to cook our supper on the fire by a lot of the moon. That's not true.

SPEAKER_04 29:59

We went out there and catched our squirrels for dinner.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_04 30:03

That's what JC sounds like.

SPEAKER_01 30:06

Um so this this first chapter, this Monday chapter, um, is a lot of like um reminiscing on like memories. It's kind of like uh it feels funny to describe it as like an introduction to the character because the whole book is an introduction to the character. Yeah, that's what this would a character study be. So this is like our kind of like our first little you know, our our our first little sip of of this of this beverage.

SPEAKER_04 30:31

Oh, don't say it that way, King.

SPEAKER_01 30:32

Oh, it's French.

SPEAKER_04 30:33

Um that's not how French people talk, but I love that for you.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

That's how French people talk. Your world damn. Next is, of course, Tuesday. As weeks do go. Tuesday is, of course, a black day. Oh, Black Tuesday. It's it's Black Tuesday. Um she describes it as quarrelsome.

SPEAKER_02 30:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

Um her reasons are threefold. Number one, Tuesday is named after the god of war. That's a funny thing to bring up. It's named after the Norse god of war tier.

SPEAKER_04 31:03

Actually, in in in in French it's not. In I believe in French it's Mardi.

SPEAKER_01 31:10

Sure, it's named after Mars.

unknown 31:11

Ha!

SPEAKER_04 31:12

JC doesn't know French.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

I don't know French.

SPEAKER_04 31:14

Stunting on the hose with my poor language skills.

SPEAKER_01 31:17

Her second reason is uh I d I don't this is a French ass reference. Okay. Uh the storming of the Bastille happened on a Tuesday.

SPEAKER_04 31:24

Queen shit. Why is that a bad thing?

SPEAKER_01 31:26

I d I don't know. Well, she's wealthy. How wealthy? Um, I mean like her husband works in finance. Okay, and it's also like heavily implied that her husband comes from like a powerful banking family. That like um like his fan his family is like wealthy all the way down.

SPEAKER_04 31:41

I would also be obsessed if I had a wealthy husband.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:43

So I'm I'm you know what? She's starting to look more and more logical with every new fact coming out.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

Um, and the last one, and this is my favorite. You know what else was on a Tuesday? What? 9-11 September uh September 11th, 2001.

SPEAKER_04 31:58

I'm not cutting that stutter. Uh did it really happen on a Tuesday? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 32:02

I don't remember. I was six.

SPEAKER_04 32:04

It was the best day of your life. Why would you recall though? Let me let me fact check.

SPEAKER_01 32:09

Fact check. Are you checking if it was on a Tuesday? It would be funny if she's lying.

SPEAKER_04 32:13

It is on a Tuesday.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

Nice. Can you imagine a Tuesday morning? Tuesday's like a weird day of the week because it's like early, but it's not like it's it's like it's still very early in the week, but it's not Monday. And then 9-11 happens.

SPEAKER_04 32:25

I feel like 9-11 could happen on any day of the week, and it would be be a pretty solid, like, oh bummer. Yeah, but I don't think Tuesdayness hasn't really affected anything. It wasn't like, oh man, Tuesday and 9-11, oof, goes. I think 9-11 wins out every time. Uh, you can only fly so many planes into buildings before you really like, yeah, this is worse than if it was just a Tuesday.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Uh anyway. Anyway. On Tuesday, uh, the wife goes about her normal day. Do you know what British people say Tuesday? It it's Tuesday.

SPEAKER_04 33:02

It's Tuesday. That's why it's the worst, really. Fuck 9-11. It's because I have the British people say Tuesday.

SPEAKER_01 33:09

Um, anyway, uh, the wife and the husband uh go and they do hang out with another couple.

SPEAKER_04 33:13

Oh my god, are they are they are they part of the lifestyle?

SPEAKER_01 33:17

Uh no.

SPEAKER_04 33:18

They seem like they should be part of the lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 33:20

They seem like they should be part of the life.

SPEAKER_04 33:21

French people are inherently part of the lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

They're born into it, it's in their DNA.

SPEAKER_04 33:25

French people are like, man, I gotta go to oh, JC, what's the name of the hotel?

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Uh Hedonism 2.

SPEAKER_04 33:32

Yes, that's their favorite place to go. You like this? This is a crossing of references.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

They gotta get to Jamaica.

SPEAKER_04 33:37

Bombo clot.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

Anyway. Um the other couple, uh, their names are Nicholas and Louise. They're like the only named characters in the book. That's kind of fucked. Um well, there are there are like a couple others, but not very many. Um everyone else should just be called the friend. Yeah. The other husband and the other wife. That's my friends. Nicholas and Louise live in a trendy condo in the city. In the city of Paris, or uh yeah, in the city of Paris. In in in La Parie.

SPEAKER_04 34:08

But what part of La Parie? I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 34:11

They don't they don't say, and also I they it's trendy. They live in a trendy area. So that means gentrified. It's it's like so cool there.

SPEAKER_04 34:17

They live in a five over one brutalist gentrification building.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she sh so like the wife spends like a good a goodly amount of time like comparing their life in like this trendy area of Paris, in the city, in this cool condo, um, to her life in like um the I they live in like a townhouse in like the burbs. If your husband's so wealthy, why are you in the burbs, bitch? Big facts.

SPEAKER_04 34:45

Bitch, I thought you were wealthy.

SPEAKER_01 34:47

I thought you had that cash money uh stack in those euros. They clank together with the case. Yeah, yeah. Stack in those cool euro coins that's like uh silver on the outside and gold in the middle.

SPEAKER_04 34:58

Okay, JC. Yes. Do you compare yourself to others?

SPEAKER_01 35:01

Not usually. I always do not too.

SPEAKER_04 35:03

I always do. I love comparing myself to others. Um I compare you to others for you.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

You compare me to others. What others are you comparing?

SPEAKER_04 35:10

I constantly think about your penis and everyone else's penis, and I'm like, Jayce's penis is definitely bigger than three inches around.

SPEAKER_01 35:16

So anyway. Uh the wife spends a goodly amount of like the socialization time at the with uh Nicholas and Louise uh repeating these mantras to herself. Um I wrote some of them down. Okay, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_04 35:34

Wait, what am I what is my new chant?

SPEAKER_01 35:36

Uh no one can see my neuroses but me. Queen, yes. The the way I see myself is not how others see me.

SPEAKER_04 35:44

Therapy, yes.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

Yeah, this is therapy shit. This is like the shit like a therapist would give you.

SPEAKER_04 35:49

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, what else you got?

SPEAKER_01 35:51

Uh those are the two I wrote down.

SPEAKER_04 35:52

That's okay. You know what?

SPEAKER_01 35:54

I think those might be the only two. Because I think I would have written down more if you're not.

SPEAKER_04 35:57

That's queen shit. You know what? That is good positive self-talk. That is recognizing the the toxic mindset that you have that doesn't even reflect your truth, man. You know, like your brain is trying to convince you of shit that ain't even happening.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

It's not even happening.

SPEAKER_04 36:12

As JC knows with my two self-help books upstairs.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

The body keeps the score. But the mind can win.

SPEAKER_04 36:19

But the mind is that is that No, girl, I don't know what the title is. I'm trying to get you to read it for me.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

Is there more stuff to that book? I don't know, girl.

SPEAKER_04 36:27

I I'm always like, I should read some health help. It'll really help me with my family trauma. And then I look at it and I'm like, mm, it doesn't look like there's enough monster penis, if you ask me, and then I don't read it.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

Well, also I don't I maybe I don't believe in self-help. Um I I think it's That's crazy because I can promise you it's real.

SPEAKER_04 36:44

It's right upstairs.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

Do you want me to I don't I don't believe that it's helpful. I think that's I feel like I've never met anybody who's read like a self-help book and been like, I only read the one and that was it.

SPEAKER_04 36:55

Um What I'm hearing is JC is thinking every bitch is crazy. He says you read a self-help book.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

Ew. I don't think I don't think people who read self-help are crazy and I don't think they're stupid. Um uh I I just like don't get like I I've read self-help.

SPEAKER_04 37:10

No, I know, you've read a lot of self-help.

SPEAKER_01 37:12

Because I think it's really funny. Girl I think this I think self-help is really funny. I think it's to me I read it because it's like a weird psychological profile of this freak who writes.

SPEAKER_04 37:24

Jesus Christ! You know what I mean? Like, um Can I can I commit you to read my self-help books?

unknown 37:29

Sure.

SPEAKER_04 37:29

Both of them?

SPEAKER_01 37:30

What what's the other one?

SPEAKER_04 37:32

Why does he do that? An insight into narcissistic and abusive men. Sure. That's the one where I get my favorite quote of why do you only break my things?

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As JC I remember when this came out.

SPEAKER_04 37:42

Yeah, yeah, yeah. JC loves to break my things, so What?

SPEAKER_01 37:46

What things have I broken? My heart. I feel like I mostly break my shit.

SPEAKER_04 37:51

That's crazy, because you only break my things. Because you know why you only think you break your shit? Because everything you own is mine. Because everything I own. And everything I own is mine.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:59

Because, like my mother said, I should have been born into royalty.

SPEAKER_01 38:03

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04 38:04

Uh, what's up? It's me, you queen.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

Anyway, um, the wife reveals during this uh uh French hang sesh that um she she she has like um really intense insecurities about how she comes across to people from her husband's world because she grew up um working class, whatever that means in a French context.

SPEAKER_04 38:28

I would assume it means that working class, probably like how we would consume that, but like French.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

Yeah, but like French style.

SPEAKER_04 38:35

Yeah, like instead of going to like a uh a nine to five teaching job, they go to a nine to five like champagne making class or something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

Champagne making class.

SPEAKER_04 38:44

I want to talk about this.

SPEAKER_01 38:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 38:46

I am always worried whenever I meet your friends or your family or anything like that. They're very nerve-wracking to me.

SPEAKER_01 38:53

Why?

SPEAKER_04 38:54

Uh because I'm weird. Oh, sure. Not like I don't mean quirky girl. I don't mean quirky girl. You're from California. That is not what I meant. So I get where she's coming from.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

Like I can't I can't hold this this you, this you for real.

SPEAKER_04 39:05

This you, this me for real, for real. I'm obsessed with my manzes. I love to compare myself to people. Yeah. Uh uh.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

You repeat embarrassing ass mantras to yourself.

SPEAKER_04 39:15

Girl, every day. Girl. On the inside where it's quiet and you can't make fun of me for using little self-help mantras. Oh, every day.

SPEAKER_00 39:24

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 39:25

I can't say them out loud because then I would be abused in this relationship specifically with you.

SPEAKER_01 39:31

That's anyway.

SPEAKER_04 39:32

If you say anything enough time to start to become a mantra, that's self-help. Anyway. All mantras are self-help.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

Anyway.

SPEAKER_04 39:38

Silencing women.

SPEAKER_01 39:40

Um, she has uh she talks about she has like um a notebook full of just social etiquette that she like looks up online. She she like looks up like certain like certain types of social etiquette and then like writes down the rules so she can like come back to it later and like study it uh in in like a uh a social etiquette Talmodic scholarship.

SPEAKER_04 40:03

Yeah. Did you know we have a social etiquette book?

SPEAKER_01 40:05

Is it like one of them one of the one of those um old ones?

SPEAKER_04 40:08

No. Uh my nanny got me one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My nanny got me one when I was like uh somewhere between the ages.

SPEAKER_01 40:17

You had a nanny too? I didn't have a nanny.

SPEAKER_04 40:20

Yes, you did.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

What nanny do you think I had?

SPEAKER_04 40:22

You just you just went to an illegal one.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

Yeah, I it was that wasn't a nanny, that was a babysitter.

SPEAKER_04 40:27

What's in a babysitter if not a nanny?

SPEAKER_01 40:30

Um there's there's a lot of thoughts during this party. Um she she thinks about um at one point, she's like during her honeymoon, my husband got sick for like two days, and it really fucked up the m the the trip for us.

SPEAKER_04 40:45

Is that how you feel about our honeymoon?

SPEAKER_01 40:47

No, girl. I was sick. You were sick for like two days in a city. I after we had walked around for like a few hours, I was like, oh, like this isn't like a cool spot to me. Uh so I wasn't like too mad.

SPEAKER_04 41:00

I would hope not. I like shit myself.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

If you had gotten but yeah, if you had gotten like ill in uh Hanoi and I missed out on uh days of getting to uh walk around Hanoi, a city I found very fun and enjoyable. Um even if you had done it in a way, I think I would have been not annoyed, but definitely more frustrated.

SPEAKER_04 41:19

Wow! Okay, well I didn't know I was hanging on by a fucking thread.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

Um oh the the husband tells a story about uh he tells like this story, this like really bothers her throughout the book. Um, but he's like, uh the way he tells this story is um that uh they went on a trip and um the this like alarm goes off and they uh he like went down to like the control panel for the alarm and but he didn't know the code because the owner didn't give the the alarm code and so he just like tries uh punch like punches in like a bunch of guesses and then tries one, two, three, four, and it works. And the wife fucking seethes about this because she's the one that found the alarm panel and she's the one that suggested one, two, three, four. And so he's erasing her from the story when he tells her. That's stolen valor. That's stolen valor.

SPEAKER_04 42:14

That's stolen husband valor.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

To be fair, I I would, because I'm like uh an annoying pedantic person, I would be like, uh, that was me. Um I would be I would be like, hey, that was me, I'm the one who suggested that.

SPEAKER_04 42:26

Yeah, you never let me have any stolen valor.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

I I've I've like fucked up conversations to be like, I told you that.

SPEAKER_04 42:32

Yeah, yeah, you do, and yet the moment I'm like I told you the story. The moment, the moment I'm like, hey, you got that idea from a podcast, you're like, whoa, you fucking bitch.

SPEAKER_01 42:43

No. Anyway. Anyway. Then, this is my favorite part of the book. One of my favorite parts for sure. Um, they play a game. It's a weird game. I don't under I don't understand French people, dude.

SPEAKER_04 42:58

It's it's suck and fuck the game.

SPEAKER_01 43:00

They go around the table and they're like, What fruit would your spouse be if they were a fruit?

SPEAKER_04 43:06

Big would you love your spouse if they were a woman?

SPEAKER_01 43:09

Yeah, like oh like exactly. Um anyway, they go around the table and the husband says A clementine.

SPEAKER_04 43:16

Does he give a reason why?

SPEAKER_01 43:18

This fucks up her life.

SPEAKER_04 43:19

Okay. Okay. I can well let me let's recreate that real quick.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 43:23

If I was a fruit, what fruit would I be?

SPEAKER_01 43:25

Uh, for sure, like a clementine.

SPEAKER_04 43:27

Okay, that's not a real answer. You just pulled that out your ass. I want a real answer.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 43:32

What fruit would if you say clement time again, I'm gonna throw this microphone at your head. But don't do it.

SPEAKER_00 43:39

Oh, what fruit would you be?

SPEAKER_04 43:40

Swear to God, bitch.

SPEAKER_00 43:44

I'm like a thing is clementing. Okay. Um probably like a passion fruit. That's basically a clementine.

SPEAKER_01 43:56

No, it's a clementine. No, it's not.

SPEAKER_04 43:58

Does he say why clementine?

SPEAKER_01 44:00

Uh well in the book uh she he never tells her the reason, but he tells us the reason like seven days later. Um here's her thoughts. I wrote them down because she this fucks up her life. I get it. She can't stop thinking about it. She doesn't stop thinking about it for several days. She calls it a banal cheap ordinary winter fruit with none of the indulgence of an orange or originality of a grapefruit. And the husband is not helping. She's like trying to she's like trying to be chill and like cool, and she's like, haha, why clementine? And he's like, you just seem like one.

SPEAKER_04 44:34

That would piss me off, dude. I'm so with her already. I'm so with her.

SPEAKER_00 44:39

He gets she gets so she's like she's like seething about this.

SPEAKER_01 44:44

And he he like he's like taking it uh he he like he's not taking this very seriously that she's like trying to wheedle out of him, like why? And then uh and then they go home. She's so upset about I throughout the rest of my notes I call it Clementine Gate. She can't drive. She she's like see she's like so upset she can't even drive. The husband has to drive them home. And then when she gets home, she like tells the husband to go upstairs, she's like, I have to do something real quick, and she gets out a secret hidden notebook on the bookshelf, and she like it's like a burn book style, and she starts writing down uh an explanation of Clementine Gate, and then she gets upstairs and she's like kind of like you know, steel, she's like ready to like go round two with him. Okay, uh, and he's asleep.

SPEAKER_04 45:33

That's fucked. That's fucked.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

That's awesome. No. Uh anyway.

unknown 45:40

What?

SPEAKER_00 45:41

Then we get to Wednesday.

SPEAKER_04 45:42

I should start keeping a journal about all the things you do. I 100% should be doing that.

SPEAKER_00 45:47

We'll get more to the journals. We'll get more to the journals. Um, then we get to Wednesday. Um, which is an orange day. Like a clean time. Devastating for this bitch. Everything reminds her of it. She says that. She's like, she goes about her day, and everything's fucking orange, and it makes her seethe all day.

SPEAKER_04 46:11

She's so awesome.

SPEAKER_01 46:14

Um, she she she wakes up and uh the uh the husband's like running around, he's like, I can't find my wallet, and she's like, again? And he's like, Yeah, I can't, like, I don't know where it is. And she thinks about like he loses his shit all the time, he like loses stuff all the time. Um uh so much so that um he's had uh neurological, he's like brain scans to to look for like a neurological disorder. He's losing stuff so often. Um You're gonna make me do that. Yeah, you're gonna start hiding my shit.

SPEAKER_04 46:47

Oh, she hit it? You're spoilering.

SPEAKER_00 46:49

I'm fuck, I'm spoiling it. Spoiler!

SPEAKER_04 46:52

She spoiled!

SPEAKER_00 46:53

Bleep that out. No um uh the the Yeah, like I said, she's like haunted by the color orange throughout the day.

SPEAKER_01 47:01

She uh she's uh she she uh gets to she's back on her bullshit about the fucking blinds, uh, and she goes into class and she pulls the class. She's like, how many of you sleep with the blinds fully shut, total dark, and how many of you are normal and like to keep your blinds open? Um get like a little bit of light in your room for the morning. And the class is split like 50-50. Um and she's like, okay, wait a minute. So sleeping with the blinds open is like half the population. That's normal. How did he convince me so easily that like closing the blinds all the way is is is what's normal and leaving them open so light can get in is is um it like is is weirder. Like, why why is he convincing me that that's weird? And so she's like, I can't believe he's doing this, he's playing motherfucking mind games. Klebitch like really kicks off her unhinged. Like she was already pretty insane, um, but like she's she's on her bullshit this this episode. Uh or or this um this episode this episode uh on on our on Wednesday. Um the husband calls um and she doesn't pick up. And he calls again and she doesn't pick up. And then on the third try, she doesn't pick up again. And then like five or six minutes later, she calls him back and she's like, hey, my phone was away. But like we know, because we're in her mind, she's like watching the phone ring and she's seething about it. Um so she picks up the so she she calls him and he's like, Hey, um, I left a file at home. Can we grab lunch and you can bring me the file and we'll have like a you know like a nice little lunch um at this. I think they go to like an Italian place.

SPEAKER_04 48:48

Um so she being able to leave work to have lunch with your spouse, yeah, big French energy.

SPEAKER_01 48:53

French bullshit. So she leaves, she goes home and like puts on like a like a nicer dress. She's like, she's like trying to dress to the nines. She's like, I'm gonna get this man's ass. Um so she grabs the file, she she changes, um, and then he while she's getting changed, he texts her like a weird like news story, like grandpa style. And she's like, Why would he waste a text on this dumbass news story? Why wouldn't why would he instead of sending me this dumb news story that I don't like literally don't care about, why wouldn't he text I love you or I'm thinking about you? Why is he talking to me about the news instead of telling me he loves me? She's so real for this. Awesome. Um they go to the sh uh they go to this restaurant and um he orders lasagna and it on Clement on the day after Clementine gate, this makes her spiral. She's like, he never orders the lasagna, he's cheating. What what bitch is he fucking that got him on lasagna?

SPEAKER_04 49:56

She's dead ass for this time. Someone's got him hooked on the lasagna.

unknown 50:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:03

Whose Italian pussy is turning him on lasagna. Not the Italian pussy. She she's like hyper focused on him. She's hypersensitive about everything. He's his eyes like linger on the waitress as she like walks away after dropping off his lasagna his pussy lasagna. That's so true, dude.

SPEAKER_04 50:23

Dude, I know.

SPEAKER_01 50:24

Um those little like flayed edges, that's the labia. Anyway.

SPEAKER_04 50:27

Okay, well we didn't have to- I mean, we all knew it, you didn't have to say it. Um said it.

SPEAKER_01 50:34

So she tries to bring up Clementine Gate again. She's like, haha, hey, I'm being so normal about this. Like, why a Clementine? And he goes, You're still like hung up on that? I don't know. This is awesome. This is awesome. The fact that he like won't tell her is so funny to me.

SPEAKER_04 50:53

I kind of obsessed. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 50:55

All of this makes her think about a um the lasagna of it all, I guess. The pussy of it all. The pussy of it all. Makes her think about this woman they met on a trip a few years ago. Uh it's this Italian woman, and um, she tells this Italian woman, she's like talking about like their marriage and their relationship and their children, and she tells this Italian woman, I think I love my husband more than he loves me. And the woman responds by saying, I don't think that's true. I think he loves you way more than you love him, because he loves you in a way that seems like m mature and grounded, and you love him in like this really like obsessive way that like um like teenagers get into when they like start a relationship where they're like obsessed with each other. And she's like, What a fucking cunt.

SPEAKER_04 51:47

She's so real for that. How dare this woman comment on this? She doesn't even know this person.

SPEAKER_01 51:52

Yeah, that's what she's she's like, she doesn't even know me.

SPEAKER_04 51:55

No, I'm I'm I'm this French wife is a hundred percent correct so far. I'm not saying a single thing she's doing that's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 52:02

Um she gets home at the end of the day and she put puts the kids to bed pretty much right away. Um and she thinks about she kind of like feels an anxiety about the fact that um right now she can like put these kids to bed, and then like she gets like four or five more hours to hang out with the husband, right? Um and she's like, but later they're gonna get to go to bed later and later and later and later, and then like they're gonna they're gonna start encroaching on me and my husband time, and it's gonna be all of us time, and that's bullshit.

SPEAKER_04 52:36

I get it. Again, again, I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it. I'm so with her.

SPEAKER_01 52:41

She's insane, but I'm so with her. I knew you would be. She she she thinks about the fact that she's um she's kind of ambivalent about their children.

SPEAKER_04 52:51

But they're not him.

SPEAKER_01 52:52

Um she yeah, they're not her husband. Duh. Um she she doesn't like have like a strong care for them. Uh, this is something I was like, is this just French or Yes. I'm gonna say yes. Um But her husband wants wanted children, and he's great with the children, and she loves to see him be great with the children.

SPEAKER_03 53:15

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 53:16

Um, like that's like hot to her.

SPEAKER_03 53:18

No, I get it.

SPEAKER_01 53:19

Uh so she'll she like had she like agreed to have children because he wanted it.

SPEAKER_03 53:24

Right.

SPEAKER_01 53:25

Um then uh they like go back and they watch TV. Um she like notes that while they're watching TV, he never puts his hand on her leg or touches her.

SPEAKER_03 53:38

Um because he's having an affair.

SPEAKER_01 53:40

And then he and then uh just like when it's time for bed, he just turns the TV off and he just like starts to get up and she like sees seethes over the fact that like he didn't ask, like, are you ready for bed? He just like did it.

SPEAKER_04 53:52

I'm 100%. This means he's having an affair. A hundred and a hundred and ten percent.

SPEAKER_01 54:00

He's uh she like she's like, Oh, like I gotta go into the kitchen for something, and then she goes into the kitchen and she starts uh uh Emily's mom style from uh from Pretty Little Liars. She goes into the kitchen and starts like crying and throwing up. She's uh she's losing it. After Clementine Gate, you're going to do this.

SPEAKER_04 54:19

Uh I am her and she is me.

SPEAKER_01 54:25

And he she all she can keep thinking is he won't even hold my hand while we watch TV because he thinks I'm a motherfucking Clementine.

SPEAKER_04 54:33

Stop it.

SPEAKER_01 54:36

It's Thursday.

SPEAKER_04 54:37

It's Thursday. What color is Thursday?

SPEAKER_01 54:39

It's yellow.

SPEAKER_04 54:40

Why?

SPEAKER_01 54:40

Uh it it's she eats sweet foods. It's a sweet day.

SPEAKER_04 54:44

She only eats sweet foods on Thursday?

SPEAKER_01 54:46

She eats a lot more sweet foods on Thursday.

SPEAKER_04 54:47

Almond mom shit.

SPEAKER_01 54:48

Yeah, yeah. Thursday's my cheat day. Yeah, okay. That's day is my cheat day.

SPEAKER_04 54:56

Okay, that was a good one.

SPEAKER_01 54:57

Do that seven more times. You got it. My god. Um during the night, the husband wakes up and he wakes her up and he tells her that he loves her. And he's like really intense about it. He's like, I love you so much. And she wakes up in a really great mood because that's like really nice. And uh the wow, after Clementine gate? Thank you. Uh huh. And so she wakes up and um she's like feeling so good. She even squashes her beef with clementines and she eats one. The beef with clementines squashed.

SPEAKER_04 55:30

Oh my god, okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:32

Um by midday, uh-huh, she's like, maybe that didn't even happen and I dreamed it. Ooh. Okay. So she like can't stop thinking about this.

SPEAKER_02 55:46

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 55:47

And so she starts like freaking out. Um she she thinks about um her wedding vows.

SPEAKER_04 55:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

Um, they had like a I'm I don't know very much about French culture. We. But um, I assume they have their their like base level wedding is essentially a Catholic wedding, and I've been to those. Yeah. Um and so but she wants to do vows. She thinks vows sound mad romantic. They're in every American uh like romantic comedy. Yeah, yeah. She's like, that's hot shit. So she like she she like makes a big deal about it. She like wants to read vows at the wedding. Yep. That's not normal. Uh uh her husband's parents are paying for the wedding because they're they're uh big wealthy. Yep. Um and so they're like, oh, like, you know, we we can't really like fuck up mess for like your declaration of love, but we can do it at the reception, and you could just like that your vows can be like your guys' speeches. And she uh she she like keeps like pushing this. She like wants to make sure that she gets this. She even like lies and tells them that she has like American family, and so she's like, that's like their culture is really important to me. Um, which is the biggest French lie I could think of.

SPEAKER_04 57:03

Oh, American culture, shut the fuck up, bitch.

SPEAKER_01 57:07

Um so then it's the day of the wedding, they go to the reception, he stands up first to give a speech, and his vows, I wrote it down.

SPEAKER_04 57:17

Oh my god, okay. Give me give me the vows, give me the vows, let me see. Let me see how much I'd be pissed.

SPEAKER_01 57:21

Yeah, yeah. Get yourself in this mindset.

SPEAKER_04 57:23

Okay, I don't have to do much. I'm already there.

SPEAKER_01 57:25

You're already there. It was important for my wife that we take the time to share our joy at being together, to speak these words aloud in front of our loved ones. So that's what I'll do. I love you, my wife. I will always love you. I am the happiest man to have met the most beautiful woman in the world.

SPEAKER_04 57:45

Not enough.

SPEAKER_01 57:46

That's what she immediately not enough. She's like, she practices her vows, so she like has it timed down. She's like, mine are seven and a half minutes long, and he said like four sentences.

SPEAKER_04 58:00

I'm so with her. I'm so, I'm so with her. I was legitimately I was so worried your vows were gonna be piddly shit.

SPEAKER_01 58:09

And my vows were sick nasty.

SPEAKER_04 58:10

They were big, sick narsty, but like I get it, I get it. This would this would be worse. This would legitimately I'm gonna air some shit.

SPEAKER_07 58:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 58:21

You know how I always complain that you propose with your neck hurting, and so you propose, and the first thing you said after you propose was my neck hurt, and I never have let that go.

SPEAKER_01 58:28

My neck really hurts, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 58:30

This would be 70 times worse.

SPEAKER_01 58:34

For sure, I get it.

SPEAKER_04 58:36

This would be this would be non-stop every day, back of my mind, seething, just bubbling away at this pure range.

SPEAKER_01 58:44

Um, so she like like gets so upset, she like basically under the table, she's like ripping up the vows. She's like, fuck this. Um and so basically it's her turn. She stands up and uh it we don't like get her vows, but she basically just says, like, uh, me too. Um yeah, same here. Um, and then like sits right back down. She basically just like repeats exactly what she says, sits back down. She here, the following are her issues with his vows. She's like dissecting the speech sentence by sentence.

SPEAKER_03 59:14

Me too!

unknown 59:15

Me too, me too!

SPEAKER_01 59:17

Number one.

SPEAKER_04 59:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 59:19

How dare he reduce her to her physical appearance, which will fade unlike her bond to him. I was like only her beauty, nothing else. That's fucking pathetic. Anyway, I'm with her next. The second thing she brings up. Yep, uh huh. It's simple and reserved, which are nice in a cafe, but not in your wedding vows, where she wants gravitas and effusiveness. But maybe he's too immature to have gravitas and express his feelings in a profound way. Instead, his vows are flimsy.

SPEAKER_04 59:59

Like, where's the fucking meat? I want metaphors, I want similes, I want graphic, beautiful descriptions, I want why we're together, how we're together. I want public tree. I want vows that are still long. People start to get uncomfortable looking around and like, can I go get that food or nothing? I'm looking for vows that are world-shattering, not your beautiful I love you. I'm still with her. She's not crazy, she's real.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:24

I agree.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:25

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:26

She calls him.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:27

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:27

She's like, hey, I'm just thinking about you. And he says, Oh, cool. And she says This is not at the wedding. No, no, no. This is this is back. We're back. We're back in real time. We're back. It's Thursday. It's yellow. Beef with Clementine Squash. She maybe had a dream. She maybe had a dream. Well, that's what she's calling clear up. And she says, Hey, do you like remember what you said to me last night? And he says, Oh, what do you mean? He says, uh, what are you what are you talking about? I what do you mean what I said last night?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:01

And she spirals. The world is spinning. She can't believe it.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:06

She's having beef with Clementines all over again.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:08

Yeah, she's like, oh my god, I ate a Clementine. The Clementine is still inside of me. Uh uh betrayal. Um, she texts a number. Not saved in her phone. I'll be there at 5:30. Twist. Twist. She goes to a hotel and meets her married friend, Maxime, which is a man. Something I didn't realize at the time.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:40

It sounds like a girl name.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:42

I don't get French names.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:43

They sound a little feminine.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:45

He he's like coming on way too strong. He's like trying to seduce her. And then they're at like the cafe on the first floor of the hotel. And then, in on like the sidewalk at this cafe, he starts finger blasting her shit, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:01

In front of this cafe? Yeah, in front of the cafe. Is it like visible finger blasting or like subtle finger blasting?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:08

Well, we don't really get she's like, she's like really rocking with the finger blasting.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:12

Okay, Queen, whatever. Go uh go off, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:14

Hey. She's like, Maxime kind of sucks, and he's not very good at rizzing up the hose, like my husband is. Um but she goes up to the hotel room with him. And they have mind-blowing sex. Okay. He's like, you know, and he's being like really caring. He like moves her back at one point, so like her head doesn't hit the headboard while um he he's blowing her shit out. Yep, yep, yep. Um, and he's like being so like gentle and like like caring about her that she starts to cry. Okay. And he's like, Do you not like want to do this? And she's like, No, no, no, no, no. Keep fucking me. I'm just like going through my own stuff here. Uh-huh. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, like what what's like really getting to her is Maxine is being like tender with her in a way the husband is not.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:08

Ever or just recently?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:10

Um, just like when when like he has sex with her.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:13

It's it's not like quite this tender. It's more like she thinks about like um he like doesn't take her clothes off. He's like, he tells her what to take off. It's like a more commanding presence sexually, and she she's a big fan of this, like, um, I wanna feel like held and and and desired.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:30

Not very French verb, alright.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:33

Right? They finish fucking and she like gets sleepy and she like falls asleep for like a second.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:43

And she's like, and that's how I know this thing with Maxime is nothing. You don't sleep with when it c uh after you have sex with people you love because you want to be there and be present with them, and I'm falling asleep. Maxime is a nothing to me.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:57

I think she's right.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:00

You're like, I get it.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:01

I get no, I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:03

So then, um, Maxime's like, oh, by the way, um when I was like blowing your back out from behind doggy style, um, I know if there's like a mole on your back that you might just like want to get checked out, it just like looks um looks like something you might want to be like a little anxious about. Like, go go get that checked out.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:21

You can't no one can see the eye roll I just did, but it was diabolical. That's not sexy.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:26

It's not sexy.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:27

Don't say that.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:28

Um well she starts crying again because she's like, Maxime is going to think that my husband, number one, doesn't fuck me nasty style, and number two, that he doesn't care about me, that he my husband's not telling me that I have scary moles on my back.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:44

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm with her still. I haven't abandoned this bitch. This is my bitch, I'm with her. Where she rides, I ride.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:52

She leaves. Good for her. She's like, it's time to go. Um she's like, don't text me, I'll text you. Queen. Queen shit. She tells us she would never fe feel guilty for these little affairs. Because A. She only does it on Thursday. That's her cheat day.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:11

She's amazing. She's amazing, she's amazing, she's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:14

And B, she's never done it in a way that anybody involved would like catch feelings. She's like, I do it, I fall asleep for a little bit. It's kind of like a little melaton midday melatonin.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:27

Um, so like there's nothing here.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:29

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:30

I want to bring us back rewind sound to thank you. To earlier in the episode, we talked about like she's like afraid her husband will find out that like while they were broken up, she had like a beach vacay with her ex. Yep. And she's like, that would be mad improper. Anyway, I am actively getting fucked.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:54

Okay. Uh stay with me here.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:56

Okay, one French. Two French. I think I think. As you get older and more dissatisfied in a relationship, you really start to be like, nah, I'm willing to deal with this.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:12

Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:13

And I think uh she's she's so deep in the hole of like being kind of insane.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:18

Oh, she's nuts.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:20

But in a normal way. But in a normal way.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:24

But in a normal way.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:26

That like Yeah, no, this may if you're if you're if you're having Clementine beef, this totally makes sense. I myself, I'm not ever going to, I live in the middle of nowhere. But if I let myself fall off some meds and really sink into my insanity, into my girl, girl manipulator wiz.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:47

For sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:48

Hop, skip, and a jump, I could get there.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:50

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:50

I I love that about me. I love that I truly can sink to the depths of insanity. But I kinda get it.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:00

So she gets home, and like immediately her husband's like, hey baby, hey baby. I've been thinking about you today, and he's he like starts trying to seduce her as well, and she's like, Hell yes. A two-in-one? Been there, done that. Gross. Nasty. Um and so like she she like um can she like compares like him to Maxime.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:25

And what's the final what's the final score? Whose dick is winning?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:29

Well the husband the husband dick is winning, but she's like comparing like she's like uh Maxime was like warm and tender. She describes the husband as hard, controlling, and deeply penetrative. Yeah, bet he was though. In a way, she describes it as when he finishes and pulls out, it feels like he's leaving a void.

unknown 1:07:49

Damn.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:50

Right? Oh, he hollow her shit out. He's carving that pussy up. While they're having sex, she she has like she like real quick mentions one of my favorite details, which is she notices like a little ribbon uh poking out from under their mattress, and she's like kissing, and she like while they're kissing, she like kind of surreptitiously pushes that back under the mattress and reveals it's a little sachet of rose petals, coarse salt, and a red ribbon to cast a love spell on him just in case.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:22

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:26

It's Friday.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:27

It's not fuck day.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:29

It's not fuck day.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:30

It's not fuck day. Everyone cheating is bad today.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:32

Cheating's real bad today.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:34

Bad today, don't do it. That's the issue! She went on the vacation with the the ex-boyfriend when it wasn't the cheat day.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:41

Two weeks. It was two weeks of Thursdays. We did two weeks of Thursdays.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:44

Girl, that's like twelve days.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:46

Oh my god, of Christmas.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:48

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:50

Friday's green. Uh uh it's her lucky day. Okay. Um, when she gave birth to her son, the husband was wearing a green shirt. Uh, and they bought their house because this is the house that had green shutters.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:06

It's cute. Or I want house shutters.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:09

She uh wait uh she like wakes up and um she she's kind of like you know uh she's still like upset. Um she thinks about the fact that the husband always expects her to move around him, um, base her movements on his, um, but he never does the same back. Like he never like moves around her. Um he never like bases his schedule around hers.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:32

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:33

Um she goes to work and reveals that every Friday she pays for several online magazines so she can read the like clickbait articles and listicles um about like um like 11 signs your man is obsessed with you.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:48

That's so fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:50

She's paying for this. Amazing. You can get this for free on BuzzFees.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:53

But like it's if you get it. I get it anyway.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:59

Um she also reveals on this Friday chapter that she has to regularly dye her hair blonde, like really frequently, because when her and the husband started dating, she was going through like a platinum platinum blonde phase. Uh-huh. And um, she doesn't want him to know that that's not where her hair really looks like because uh he's only dated blonde women. Yeah. And so she's like, Well, now if he learns that my hair is not blonde, he's going to be like, Okay, well, I'm like a lot less interested in you.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:30

I get it. Again. Again, again, you can't convince me otherwise.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:35

It's time for the mailbox to come back.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:38

Okay, I'm ready for the mailbox.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:39

Um, she used to be the one that gets the mail.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:44

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:44

But when she left for like a work trip a few years ago, she gave him the mailbox key, and when she came back, she didn't ask for it back.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:52

Because he suddenly like, he would get like excited to like, he's like, ooh, like I gotta go get the mail, and he'd like run out of the keyboard.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:58

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:58

And she'd be like, Because there's stuff in there he doesn't want me to see. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So while he wasn't looking, she duplicates the mailbox key. Okay. And then she goes out regularly and checks the mail before he can go get it. That way she can see if he's getting excited because he's getting like secret love letters. Yep. That he that like he's he can because she's not checking the mail. Yep. So she doesn't know if he's getting love letters. Yes. So now she's checking. Jane Austen style.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:31

Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:34

Um, but now this this is like um expanded into like she like checks his email.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:40

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:40

Um, she like goes through his pants pockets to see if she can find like um like he he gets like love letters, but he's like stuffing them in his wallet.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:48

No, I get it. You don't gotta explain it to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:51

She's going through his text. Yeah, yeah. He's like one of those people who like um can like text from his computer.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:57

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:58

And so she like has He just has an iPhone. Yeah, yeah, she like has access to his uh his computer so she can like read through his text. Um she does all this and she finds out that he's planning to surprise her with a trip to Milan. Like a bitch. Milan's a bad mastered.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:16

Milan is a bad city.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:18

Because he knows that she prefers Rome.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:22

Who would it? Over Milan? Have you ever been to Milan?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:26

No, groups. You know, why?

SPEAKER_04 1:12:27

Because no one goes to Milan. There's nothing in Milan, and Milan is like the fashion capital, I guess. It used to be of Italy, but like there's nothing there. Why would you go to Milan? Even Rome's not like that. You should be going to Florence if you're ever going to Italy this way. If we ever go to Italy, we're going to Florence. Fuck Milan, fuck Rome.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:42

We're going to Naples.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:45

Hui.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:46

That's right. That's the that's the working class capital of Italy, and that's where that's that's that's all the stuff I care about.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:52

It's also where Florence is.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:53

Uh what?

SPEAKER_04 1:12:54

Isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:55

No. Well, that's north.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:58

My bad.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:59

And as a southerner, I I ride hard with the south unless the south of England. Unless I ride hard with the north.

unknown 1:13:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:06

And then and then in um in Ireland I ride hard with the Northern Irish Catholics.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:13

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:14

The Catholics in the north of Ireland.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:15

I don't care about this. Anyway, so back to Milan.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:22

She she she like thinks about she like frets about this. Yeah. She's like, he's he he knows I want to go back to Rome. She's never been to Milan. Who wants to go to Milan? Who wants to go to Milan?

SPEAKER_04 1:13:34

You know what? I've I've never been to Tucson, but I also don't feel the need to go there.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:39

So she's like, he knows I would rather go to Rome, and he's picking Milan to punish me.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:43

Uh-huh. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:45

She also reveals in this section that she has a check to see if he's disrespecting her privacy the way she disrespects his, which is that she has an envelope with a fake love letter in it.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:00

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:01

Um, and it's nasty.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:03

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:04

Um and then she leaves it around the house. Okay. To see if like he's she like, you know, she'll like leave it in like her makeup box. Uh-huh. Or, you know, she leaves it. She talks about she's been getting more bold with it. She she like at one point she just like straight up left it on top of her desk. She left it on like the um counter where he sets his keys and wallet down. Um she you know, she's she's like been checking to see if he like it goes through her things.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:30

Um, my note on this is um the children can read.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:35

The children can read, but if the children are going through her things, that's also an issue.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:38

That's also an issue. Uh mommy, what's this uh letter you have?

SPEAKER_04 1:14:42

How dare you, you little bastard.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:45

I didn't want you in the first place. Your father's the one that wanted you. You get it. You get the mind games. She also has a plan ready to go if he finds it and confronts her. Yeah. Or she can be like, oh, like, that's an excerpt from a book I'm translating.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:00

She's such a girl boss.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:02

She's such a girl boss. She's such a girl boss.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:05

Okay, anyway.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:06

She also reveals that she records a lot of their conversations, and then like while she's like working or translating or whatever, she'll listen to the conversation and then kind of analyze how it went. Kind of like that one episode of Black Mirror.

unknown 1:15:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:22

Uh, a timely reference I wrote down.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:24

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:27

Um, sometimes she'll like um transcribe the conversations. Yep. And then she'll um translate it to and then you she'll like transcribe it, uh, take out all of the like PII, uh, that personally identifiable information, she assigns it to her class to translate.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:46

Incredible.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:49

And then she'll ask, she'll ask like reading comprehension questions, and one time she like recorded a fight and then had them translate it, and then she was like, What do you guys think? And her students were like, It sounds like the husband doesn't even love the wife.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:05

Oh my god, that'd be devastating.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:10

No, I I do like thinking about this because like this this is really funny to me, mostly just out of like I I imagine her class is kind of like fifth to eighth graders. Yeah. So like I in my imagination, they're coming at it with like very childish emotions.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:26

Yes, but they're coming at it without any biases, which means it actually might actually be more valuable than you're willing to admit.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:34

No, bitch. The last thing they do is they watch a movie together, they're holding hands. He like lets go of her hand to like scratch his head or something, and he doesn't put his hand back.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:48

Ooh, he's definitely Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:50

She makes a hard mental note of this transgression.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:54

That's a big transgression.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:57

Saturday.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:58

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:58

Saturday is red.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:59

It's joyous, and it's her husband's favorite day. Yeah. Why would anyone like Monday? It's fucked. She doesn't like Saturday. Because it's his favorite day? She well, she she likes it because it's her husband's favorite day. Okay. But before, prior to meeting her husband, she didn't like it because she doesn't like the unregimented freedom of our autistic queen. She wakes up and the husband is like mid-conversation with her. It turns out he's just been like talking while she's asleep.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:28

Oh my god, I hate men who just talk at you.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:31

Me too. I bet. She he said he's like, you know what we should do today? We should go see the big movie out right now. And she's like, she's like trying to scramble. She just woke up and he's proposing, because she knows the big movie out right now is Divorce the Musical, um, or something. She's she's like, it's a movie about divorce.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:52

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:53

It's it's marriage story.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:54

It's marriage story. It's it's yeah, I wish you were fucking dead.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:57

Yeah, that one. Um, and she can't have uh divorce ideas swirling around his big oafish head. So she tells him, she's like, our our daughter's birthday is today. We can't go see a movie, we have to like go do stuff.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:13

Is it her daughter's birthday or do she just make that shit up?

SPEAKER_01 1:18:16

No, it's her daughter. That would be a funny thing to make up. No, it's our daughter's birthday party. She she plays a game in her head where she tries to describe people in three words. Yep. And her words for her husband are charismatic, introverted, and contradictory. Sounds about right. Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. And then she thinks about like she once tried to like get her husband to play this with her. Um, and he his three words for her are very beautiful, cold, in love, and observant.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:48

That's not three words. Also, cold? Cold? He's just trying to piss me off now.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:56

She gets really upset that one of the words he uses is in love. Number number one, two-word phrase. Um big time. Number two.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:04

What does that fucking mean? That's how what does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 1:19:07

Yeah, that's not like in love. Okay, uh yeah, like you should also be in love with me. Like, you're like, what is this? What are we doing here?

SPEAKER_04 1:19:16

Big time.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:18

Big time. It's uh the daughter's birthday party time. And uh the wife must remind us she's French by telling us she hates birthday parties. Yeah, you can't drink as much wine as she wants. And kind of hates children in general. Yeah, I got that vibe. Uh including her own. Totally get it. The other parents, uh, she thinks that the other parents are annoying. I get it. And um she hates this like social undercurrent of trying to like outparent each other. Oh my god. Which I 100% uh understand.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:48

She kind of like really clarifies how she feels about the children that she has. Her her her offspring. She thinks of them as these like um simpering distractions. Like she's like, I have to like go in and like read to them. Yeah, yeah. Which like fucking sucks because then that's like time that like I don't get with my husband, yeah. Yep, yep, yep. Um the wife gets wine tipsy. Good for her.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:16

That's just called being French.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:18

And has to like c consciously think about like not making an ass of herself. Yep. And then she walks into the kitchen, yeah, and in the kitchen is her husband talking to her best friend Lucy, and Lucy is mad blushing.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:34

Whore. Whore? Whore whore?

SPEAKER_01 1:20:39

The wife runs back out into the yard where the party's happening.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:42

You gotta go fuck some guy there.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:43

And she grabs Lucy's husband. Girl boss! And she's like, Hey, can I show you something upstairs in the bathroom? And he's like, What? And she's pulling him upstairs already. They go upstairs, they're in the bathroom, they fuck. He rails her. It's not even Thursday.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:58

That definitely counts today. Definitely counts today.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:03

He um Skadoosh is up in uh up inside of her, and she like as like that post-nut clarity starts to hit, she looks out their bathroom window, and the husband is looking right at her.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:17

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:17

They're making eye contact, like through the window. She breathes out. Yep. She like, you know, scooches. I'm doing like a little hip motion. She scooches her panties back up. Um, she she she runs outside. She's like trying to, she's she's doing like I the only way I can think of to describe it is like wine math. She's like, okay, so far he's had like five glasses of wine. Would he even be able to remember this? Would he like, yeah, I mean like wine kind of like affects like your perception. Maybe he didn't even like see me. Maybe he was just kind of like zoning out wine style.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:51

Uh um, she's like going through she's like back, she's she's like circulating through the party. Um, she feels the Lucy's husband semen running down her leg, and she's trying to like surreptititiously like rub it together and make it go wet.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:07

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:08

Yep, you get it. It's the end of the day, the party's over. The husband hasn't said anything.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:16

She's like, I think I'm in the clear. It was stupid to fuck him in the bathroom overlooking the party. That was dumb on my part, but he shouldn't have been chatting up my best friend like that. She's over real. She's so real. They're getting ready for bed. He closes the blinds all the way to get ready. She immediately starts crying. She starts crying. She's like, hey, I feel weird about today. I don't know. I like I'm having a hard time like thinking about it. I think I had too many too much wine. Can you describe I guess like everything you saw and experienced today? Real. And so her husband's like, well, I woke up and I had a great conversation with you. And um I uh we we had a birthday party and it was a bunch of fun. And um I was asking your friend about like um uh uh if she's ever been to Milan. Like that's out of the bag, I want to take you to Milan. Um and like if she's had like any experience there, so we were talking about Milan, and um now we're getting ready for bed, and she's like, phew. Yeah, okay. Because he didn't mention the nasty style sex they had. The buggies, the foggies. Yeah, he didn't he didn't mention that he saw her get railed. Good for her. And now we're back to the prologue. It's Sunday morning. Okay, Sunday's white. Sunday's okay. It's kind of like a pure day.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:54

Um, and her husband needs to talk.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:58

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:59

She's like spiraling. I get it. She like keeps considering, which by the way, we need to talk. Horrendous phrase, not one that needs to be said ever. Pure evil.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:08

Yeah, surely if you like need to talk to somebody, you can just do it. You don't need to do like this um anxiety-inducing prologue.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:15

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:16

Um, she's like considering if she should tell their children that, like, don't say shit to your kids. Yeah, she's like, oh, like, don't get used to this life because mommy and daddy are getting a divorce.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:30

Uh she she she ta she thinks about like her greatest fear is that people will say that her husband was married for X number of years and she wasn't the one.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:44

I get it. Okay, I get it. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:46

Um, she's like looking at herself in the mirror, she keeps taking showers. Yep. And then she reveals my second favorite part of this book, which is that she opens a secret journal, and in it is where she logs her husband's transgressions and corresponding punishments.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:10

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:11

Um, this includes if he looks at his phone too much while sitting with her, then she won't answer the next time he calls until after he's already called twice. Remember, earlier he called a bunch and she picked up after like three or four calls just to call him back. Um if she if he forgets to say goodnight when he falls asleep, then he gets no good morning cuddles. Good for her. Um, she has like a long list of possible sins, transgressions, rule infractions, whatever uh uh you would like to call them. Yeah. And a corresponding punishment, and explicitly mentions that they must be enforced regardless of any extenuating circumstances, because it just takes the anxiety out of this whole process for her. Yeah. She doesn't have to think about, like, oh, like, well, he was just kind of tired. She d doesn't matter. Punishment time. Got it. Okay. Um, having sex with Maxine was punishment because he rescinded his nighttime declaration of love.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:19

No, I get it. Yeah. No, I get it. I'm with her.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:22

Other punishments include, I love this. This is my favorite part of the whole book. Uh, pretending not to hear him when he talks to her. Um, moving his wallet and keys so he can't find them for the infraction of letting go of her hand to do something while they're holding hands. Yep. Remember, he uh He scratched his face and didn't hold her hand again? Yeah, he scratched his face, didn't hold her hand, and then he lost his wallet. Yeah. She explicitly mentions every time like her move is to just like put it in his pants pocket from the night before. That way she can be like, oh my god, you just left in your pocket, you big dummy.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:54

Amazing. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:57

Um she's been moving I keep thinking about this. Like, she moves his stuff so often, he he like got a brain scan.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:10

They like they had like a I know France has like better medical service than the United States, but he still had to like go see a doctor.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:17

Because sh do you think the doctor was like, no, your brain's fine? I think your wife might be moving your shit though.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:22

No, he's wealthy, who cares? He's fine.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:24

He's fine. Finally, it's the end of the day. The children have been put to bed.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:32

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:33

He approaches her, she's like stealing herself for this, like, for for like a hey, like, uh uh surprise, divorce pig.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:42

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:43

And he says, I think we should have another baby.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:47

Amazing.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:49

And that's how most of the book ends. Okay, good for we have an epilogue, but for a second I want to talk about this book a little bit. Or the epilogue.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:01

Okay, I want the epilogue.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:02

Uh give me one second.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:03

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:05

Um the the thing about this book, what I what I liked about this is that it is kind of about like we we get that she we get the obviously that she's like kind of unhinged.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:18

Um kind of rude to say she's unhinged.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:21

I mean she's a little unhinged. Come on. Cool cool your ass down over there.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:26

Okay, a little.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:28

A little. A little. Um to me, a lot of this book is about the fact that you can't sense what your partner is thinking, or the way they think about you, or like what their intentions are without them telling you. And so it's kind of like about this anxiety of like how how difficult it is to like mesh into another person's life. Totally. Totally. Totally. And then the epilogue happens. And I want to read you the first little bit of the epilogue. Okay. This week, I was really on my game. Her notebook as witness. Everything is in there. Even that I withdrew my hand from hers on the sofa and then rebuffed her three attempts to get it back. My little wife writes it all down. My darling. She gets herself so worked up. My favorite part was waking up in the middle of the night to tell her I loved her. She was beaming with joy the next day until she called me in a panic a few hours later to demand confirmation. Of course, like every time, I denied it coolly. She goes nuts when I do that. The epilogue is from the husband's per it's the only chapter from anybody else's perspective. It's from the husband's perspective where he reveals that he's also playing insane mind games.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:53

I love that. I love that so much. And I knew that, because you told me this before you decided to talk about this book.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:02

And I'm obsessed with it. And I'm a I love this. I love this. I love how insane she is. I love that he's like playing into it, like, haha. Yeah. I gotta get her ass.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:10

Yeah, in in this section, he thought he like thinks he's like, alright, like, my move next week, I'm not gonna break any rules. I'm gonna be mad on my best behavior.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:18

Yeah, it's awesome. It's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:22

He's like, I pushed her a little hard. She she fucked her best friend's husband up in the upstairs bathroom. I know about that, by the way. Um course he does. Yeah, of course he does. He was looking at her through the window.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:33

Um, that was a little sloppy on her part, but to be fair, I pushed her a little hard by um like purposefully flirting with her best friend. I should have known that she would uh that she would get a little hot under the collar about that one. Um He mentions his next plan, he's like, my next plan to f to fuck with her is going to be now that I've told her that I want another baby, I'm going to get a secret experimental male contraceptive. We're gonna like try to have a child for like several months, she's not gonna get pregnant, she's gonna start to spiral and think that like something's wrong with her body, and then I'm going to get the contraceptive removed, and then we'll get pregnant, and she'll be so relieved that she'll actually love this baby.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:22

He's amazing. They're amazing, they're so amazing. I love this book, I love this couple. I want you to know if I had not gone to therapy, if I had kept on the good old family path that like my mother and grandmother and great-great-grandmother had old set together, this would have been me a thousand percent.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:38

Which one? The husband or the wife?

SPEAKER_04 1:31:40

The wife.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:40

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:41

I would have been that psychotic, I would have been that like insane, that like tit for tat type thing. Oh yeah, I'd go full nuts.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:50

Um, he he also mentions uh he's like, I I know about her her her sexy little vacation with her ex while we were broken up. He's like, but I I had to like every day I had to like make myself not call her and wait for her to get back and see if she would contact me again. And I decided if she contact me, if she contacted me again, I would marry her. I I would she would become my wife. I love her so much, I'm obsessed with her. I she's she's my life. And she's my wife. He mentions that he loves her so much on their wedding day, he wrote vows. He's like, I wrote pages of vows. It was beautiful, there was poetry. But then like I stood up and I got so embarrassed to like lay out my emotions like this, to play my hand, that I just like didn't say them. Very French. Very French. Um and then he he adds this is a quote It's not my fault. She feels everything so intently, but I couldn't leave her if I wanted to. She's my wife.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:05

It's kind of cute that they love each other so much.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:08

Right? That's like the you feel it complicated. You're like, alright, like you're gonna be.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:12

It's toxic as fuck, but like it's really cute.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:14

Everybody involved is psychotic, but like I guess like they're it's all love here. Except for the children.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:21

Fuck the kids.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:22

Well, no.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:24

Fuck them kids. Fuck them kids. Man, it's so good to look through a little book and see what my life could have been.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:31

What this says is she just needs to be on like some SSRIs.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:34

If she was on SSRIs and really intrinsically looked at the way she reacts why she does, because her family never left her, she would be way better off and that would be a really healthy relationship. Yeah, she'd be doing great. She would be married to a very nice man in the middle of rural Virginia. Yeah, totally.

unknown 1:33:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:50

Like I said, this um the the the epilogue, I I have complex feelings about the epilogue. Um, I I like the twist of it all. I think the twist is fun. I kind of like that he's like insane and also obsessed. Yeah. And that like he's he's like doing weird mind games back to her and the way she's doing mind games to him.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:08

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:09

Um, I think that's really funny. Um This does kind of blow my uh theory from earlier out of the water on like it's about like uh uh you know, that bullshit I said earlier, it's about like uh you uh uh um like what your partner like not knowing like your partner's intentions and and whatnot.

SPEAKER_04 1:34:32

That's why I didn't want to engage with your stupid your stupid theory. Because I already knew about the epilogue and the twist, so I was like, that's dumb anyway.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:40

And that's my life.

SPEAKER_04 1:34:42

Oh okay, I love it. Uh honestly, I think it rivals some of the insane smuddy books I've talked about. I love it so much.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:50

And you didn't even read it?

SPEAKER_04 1:34:51

I didn't even read it, but I will say I really liked the French Canadian uh The Lonely Postman. The vibes that French books bring are either super boring like Proust or they're super amazing like this shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:02

And I love the super amazing ones.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:04

I do like them. I do I do find them very fun. If the vibes are are impeccable, I love it. The more unhinged, the better. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:13

That's my husband, my wife, that's everyone's wife.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:15

And that's my husband, and that's my wife. And um have a good, y'all.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:19

And it's gliterature. Bye everybody!

SPEAKER_06 1:35:27

Google is closed. Google never gets angry at a man. She only smiles and then presents her mouth for fire.

SPEAKER_05 1:35:47

I wax strip my pussy wrong and remained a size too. We were happy to pretend to be able to do it. I forgot the man of my dream. He actually expected me to look in a good condition. He doesn't get to win.